“Sidney, what did you do?” Gonch sounded a little upset himself. Sidney goes to pick Geno up for breakfast before they go to watch practice and finds a tiny, curly-headed Geno who can't speak any English and doesn't know who Sidney is instead. Luckily everyone Sid knows is completely helpful and supportive of his attempts to keep Geno happy until he gets back to normal. Right. (Sid needs better friends).

Crosby’s Biggest Secret! For years, Crosby has been famously quiet about his personal life. But now sources close to Crosby have confirmed that the secretive star has been keeping an even bigger secret than we thought! Meet the heir to his hockey throne—a son! Geno almost drops his phone.

It was hot, and Sid felt kind of weird about thinking it was hot. This guy was screwing himself on camera for money. That wasn’t really Sid’s scene. He closed the browser window. Fine for other people, but not his thing.

Patrick is in heat.

Flower is looking out at the balcony, and he’s got a wrinkle of concern between his eyebrows. “Are you on your pills, Sid?” “Bud. I’ve been on the pills since I was twenty years old, of course I am. Also, still really, really single.” “Maybe,” Flower says slowly. “Maybe you should have been upping your doses.” “What—” Sid says, before following Flower’s gaze to the balcony. And his heart stops.

The only place he doesn’t feel alone is the moment after a goal at home. The rest of the time, all Zhenya can seem to feel is the ways he’s disconnected from everything else, English a yammering cadence he fishes scraps of meaning from like an exhausted prospector. I’m smart in Russian, he wants to tell them. I’m funny, in Russian. I’m all kinds of things.

The new second officer is cute, alright? Geno can’t be blamed for taking one look at him across the crew’s mess, and deciding then and there that he was going to get to know Commander Crosby.

King Evgeni has a problem. A very, very big problem, because the new guardsman from the Outer Islands is driving him to absolute distraction.

Magnitogorsk doesn’t hold much for him. He stares down the barrel of his future there: toiling away at a factory job, living and dying streets away from where he was born. He rubs the water-smoothed stone in his pocket, and thinks of the thunder of the waves. He knows that staying here will kill some essential part of himself. And so, he leaves. For PatriciaKoiFish, I hope very much that you like it :)

It hits Sid first, because of course it does. He’d been talking with Phil, discussing their first power play unit, when he gets distracted by Geno’s ass in spandex. “I don’t know why everyone’s always going on and on about my ass, when you’re around. Fuck, man. It’s fucking incredible.” “Whose ass, now?” Tanger shrieks gleefully and Sid realizes with a dawning horror that— “Did I say that… out loud?”

When he takes the checker job, Zhenya doesn’t do much thinking about where the Giant Eagle he works at is located. What really drives it home is looking up from the quinoa, brussels sprouts, salmon, and box of Captain Crunch cereal on his belt late one night straight into the eyes of Sidney Fucking Crosby. For malkinmecrazy. Inspired by all the random fan photos of Sid in grocery stores.

This is not the Sidney he has come to know. This is the lord of the underworld, in his robes of office, heavy, rich, pitch black as night save the ornate embroideries of gold at the hems. There’s a diadem of onyx on his brow, flashing in the light, pointed shards of stone that make Sidney’s face underneath them look all the more stern and alien. Geno shivers. Anonymous asked: Mythology AU pls? Light angst in one scene (child’s death alluded to, not mentioned or described at all)

Sidney is late making his Soulgift. Anonymous asked: Soulbond AU for Sid and G please?

Sid knows, okay. He’s known since he was 13 what he was and wasn’t going to be able to have. Anonymous asked: lonely, touch-starved sid au

The hydrophones have been picking up nonsense for the past three days and Zhenya has had it up to here, honestly.

It had started at a promotional event for the Pens at a sporting goods store. A little boy with bright eyes had handed his new skates over to be autographed and said, very politely, “Will you please sign it? It’ll be super lucky if you do, and I can skate really fast and score a bunch of goals like you.”

Alex Ovechkin talks dirty to Sidney Crosby, and then gives Zhenya some much-needed advice. Because he’s a nice guy like that.

The first time he catches Malkin’s scent after he makes his way to the United States at last, Sid's almost bowled over by it.

“So I’ve noticed something,” Sid says, and Zhenya makes a face. Sid is using his Serious Captain Voice and he is using Personal Discussion Introductory Phrase No. 3. Fuck’s sake.

Geno ends up with red, white and blue hair after the Caps game, so he’s the first person sent to the new cursebreaker when they make it back to Pittsburgh. Sid is in the lounge when Geno comes back out. “I’m know her,” Geno says despondently. “She’s cursebreaker on staff for media at Sochi.”

Magnitogorsk is a city of iron, and so is Metallurg’s will. They will not be thwarted, they do not let go of what is theirs. So when one of their own, born, bred, and molded, tries to run? To spit in the face of all that they’ve given him? Metallurg does not give up what it owns.

The entire building is decked out for Christmas. Sparkling lights, the rich, glowing reds and greens of masses and masses of poinsettia flowers. It’s not hard to realize what’s going on. It feels like every titled, unmarried man between the ages of 20 and 40 who likes other men is here. Unbelievable. They’re marrying the King off with a fucking Cinderella-style ball.

“They asked me, today, in an interview with Sid right next to me, about that thing I said last year. About leaving the Penguins, being a big star somewhere else.” “And you’re, what? Afraid he’s going to be angry with you?” Zhenya squirms. He feels hot and prickly, his emotions a soupy mess he can’t grasp in order to make sense of. “I think… I think I’m afraid he won’t be.”

They make a point of it, always, telling Zhenya how beautiful Sidney is.

Zhenya is re-looping the hair elastic around Alina's braid when he becomes aware there’s someone standing in the doorway. He glances up, and his hands freeze in place. Sidney fucking Crosby is standing there, looking hesitant, with a half-empty water bottle dangling from one hand.

RainyForecast)

Geno only lets Alex make him a Grindr profile that summer because Alex is still upset about Maria, because Alex's grin has a kind of manic, brittle quality that makes Geno sigh and hand over his cell phone with only a token protest.

Of all the new things going on this season, Sidney Crosby wearing panties before and after a game is not something Geno could’ve anticipated. And being interested in Sidney Crosby wearing panties before and after a game is not something he could’ve prepared himself for.

In retrospect, Flower can totally understand why Geno didn't tell Sid who he actually was. Sid is incredibly persuasive when he wants to get laid.

Zhenya’s just leaving the practice rink when he notices him for the first time. The guy’s standing outside the front entrance, staring at the sign and biting his full bottom lip. There’s something familiar about him, but Zhenya can’t place him. He must be mistaken—surely he would have remembered that ass if not the face. The summer before Zhenya starts in the NHL, he meets an adorable tourist who's too irresistible not to take home.

Forbes family reunions are an Event, capitalised and all. Sidney’s dying, and it’s mostly because his great aunt Patricia won’t stop asking when he’s going to bring a nice girl to meet them, while everyone within earshot sniggers into their drinks. She’s somehow the only one who doesn’t know Sidney’s bisexual, and that it could very well be a not-so-nice boy he brings home one day. So he’s looking around frantically for an excuse to A) assert his sexuality to his slightly homophobic great aunt and B) escape, when he spots it in the form of a tall, dark and handsome stranger walking into the backyard with his second cousin Keith.

Jamie remembered the first time he spoke to Tyler Seguin, or rather, Jamie remembered the first time Tyler Seguin spoke to him. He hadn’t even been fully aware of the situation, sitting and waiting for their names to be called at the All-Star Game, even then he’d kept catching himself glancing at Tyler from across the room even though he hadn’t meant to. It was just that Tyler Seguin happened to the the best thing he had ever smelled in his life. “Look, I’m sure you’re nice guy and all, but I don’t really do Alphas, you know? You’re all way too demanding and stuck in your ways so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop looking at me like you’re a starving dog and I’m a steak okay?” Tyler had said.

Eight years, four months and change, and that's the moment the bond snaps into place.

Evgeni Malkin goes into rut on the ice in North Dakota.

Alphas aren't allowed to exhaust themselves by fucking an omega in heat during the playoffs. There are sex machines for that.

It’s safe to say that fatherhood seems to suit Evgeni Malkin.

Sid has had a lot of strange meetings as the captain of the Penguins but this is by far the strangest. “You want to me to do what?” Sid asks, hoping he’d misheard Mike. ***** Sidney Crosby goes off his suppressants for a chance at the Stanley Cup and love.

"Better, yes?" Geno said at last. "Do what Sid likes." "I don't know what I like," Sidney whined. "Find out," Geno said. "Is okay. My dick here for you."

Of all the things Sid expects to see Geno doing when he walks into his house, it certainly isn’t sitting on his couch knitting. (Or; the one where Geno is a secret stress knitter.)

The Penguins call him in early when it turns out that Evgeni Malkin is coming over from Russia - or maybe ‘fleeing’ is a better word for it. “Metallurg had his passport,” Therrien says over the phone. “And when they had to give it back so he could travel with the team, it’s likely that they took - ah, other precautions.” Magical precautions, he means. They’re practically sanctioned in the Superleague these days, though it’s not like North American hockey has any room to point fingers. Sid grew up a Habs fan; he knows from curses.

He was dying to know, obviously he was dying to know; obviously he knew something had happened, with the way Geno and Sid kept looking at each other, and holding hands like that, which Sidney had never seen them do. And kissing on the couch, and Sid looking like he was up in the clouds, just totally gone, like his feet were floating at least a kilometer above the earth.

Sitting at the table was Sid: Sid as Zhenya had first known him, almost a decade before: dorky, long-haired Sid, his cheeks round with baby fat. He couldn’t have been older than twenty, and even that was generous. “Wow,” baby Sid said. “Are you Evgeni Malkin?"

Sid strips to finance his hockey habit. Geno attempts to tip with hockey gear. Somehow, they make it work.

“Oh my God, shut up Danny, you went to play for the Habs, you don’t know my pain.” Or, Claude Giroux gets traded to the Penguins.

“Vancouver!” Sid turns and shouts at the last second as she goes through the doors. “Vancouver!” Geno yells back. (Sochi timestamp.)

Zhenya nudges Gonch with his elbow. "Who is that?" he says in urgent Russian, jabbing his glove at the now retreating zamboni. "Who?" Gonch follows the line of Zhenya's gaze, blinks when it lands on the zamboni. "What, the driver? Him?" Zhenya nods vigorously, his eyes fixed on the zamboni. Gonch stares at him for a few seconds before answering with hesitation, "That's...Sidney."

Or: Five Times Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin Acted Super Married (And One Time They Sort Of Were Super Married).

The one where Sidney gets left at the altar and takes Geno with him on his would-be honeymoon.

Jonny's standard canned press response is that he loves Kaner like a sister...which is perfectly true, if you’re talking like on Game of Thrones.

The first time Geno sees Sidney Crosby he’s crying into Tanger’s shoulder as Sid learns how to walk again on the big screen.