Fighting crime and wanton hero-on-hero violence is far safer for the world at large than the Avengers bored.

How to corrupt a superhero without really trying.

For maybe the first time he doesn't feel oversized – or he does, but suddenly something's clicked over and it turns him on, seeing and feeling the mass and strength of his body as he pounds Tony Stark against a wall in a basement.

Clint sees everything, no matter the situation, no matter how many naked bodies there may be to distract him.

“Thor, I submit,” Steve repeated, his voice cracking midway through. “I know.” Steve froze, and they locked eyes for a moment, Thor’s gaze predatory. For a second, neither moved, Thor’s body a warm weight on Steve’s, and then, ever so slowly, Thor leaned forward the rest of the way and pressed his lips to Steve.

Steve sat there, frozen. It was clear that the popular student, probable wet dream of damn near every student in the school, who had no interest in Steve or his work, was trying to seduce him for a better grade. Steve wanted to snarl, wanted to spit because he was so angry. Thor really thought this would work? Steve was a good person, he had morals. There was no way he would accept such a...a sleazy, underhanded offer. And yet…if Steve was honest with himself, his hands hadn’t been the only thing to ache when he caught sight of Thor’s face or physique.

Stark – Tony – looks over at him and smiles, and there's something so sweet in that smile that Steve feels sucker-punched, feels like he can't breathe, he can't think, because who knew that Tony Stark could smile like that, open and amused and affectionate? “Yeah?” Tony says, teasing, and Natasha cuffs the back of his head.

There's no "I" in "Avenger."

There's no "I" in "Avenger."

In which Captain America can do (almost) anything, and Tonk Stark has daddy issues--who's surprised? Y'all can read this as being in the same 'verse as Ready, Fire, Aim, or not; to be honest, I haven't decided myself if it is or isn't.

Prompt: Loki is finally captured and sent to Asgard to await his judgement. Since Thor cannot leave Earth -invoke reason x- all the Avengers go to Asgard to make sure Loki doesn't escape. They think Loki is going to end in some Asgardian version of a cell but instead Odin decides on some horrible punishment -fastening a venomous snake over Loki's face, sealing Loki's lips shut, etc- and they are horrified. Tony refuses to let Loki go and basically yells at Odin for being the worst possible father. Cue Loki being confused about why they would defend him and the Avengers realizing how fucked up his childhood might have been.

Tony was pretty sure nothing like this had ever happened to him before.

On the plus side, marriage is bound to be easier than proposing.

Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance.

"Let's say that Loki is Laufey's youngest, a useless runt except for how his small stature, shifting abilities and royal blood makes him perfect for a political marriage with Asgard."

Tony Stark has once again engineered something that might well lead to the downfall of Western Civilization. No one's really surprised. This time, however, it might just be the lesser of two evils.

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

He never did forgive Nick Fury for bloodying up his trading cards. Not during that first week, anyway.

There’s a small child in Tony Stark’s lab. Tony looks at it. It looks at him.

Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him. //SPOILERS for the film.

In which everybody loses their powers, Tony goes a little bit crazy, Natalie: Super PA! makes a reappearance, Clint shows off his super ninja spy skills, Thor fucks off back to Asgard, Steve is a tactical genius, Coulson not-so-secretly loves terrible television shows, nobody should ever be allowed to name anything ever, and there is an evil magical cult.

This is how they piece it together and make it work.

Steve closes his eyes in 1945 and wakes up in 2012. Well. They certainly didn’t put that on the recruiting poster. [Companion to The Minor Fall, the Major Lift.]

It doesn't matter who you are; eventually, everyone's past catches up to them. This is Steve's side of the story Ready, Fire, Aim; you should probably read that before you read this.

So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year. It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart. There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

There are clear signs that Bruce has finally started to trust the rest of the team. The team, however, aren't so keen on those signs.

Alright, look, confession - Tony has been masturbating to Captain America since he was thirteen.

Tony finds the heels in the back of his closet, hidden away in a white, pristine box. And then he gets ideas.

There’s a plan already forming in the back of Tony’s mind and he knows it’s teasing, but it’s not an opportunity he can willingly pass up. Sequel to Fuck Me Heels. Enjoy guys!

Millionaire playboy Tony Stark needs horse riding lessons. His two instructors are more than willing to give him other lessons, too.

After the fighting is over, then come the hot baths, ice packs, resurrection from the dead, political maneuvering, and happy endings (not like that, Tony).

Five times Beijing 2008 Olympics Gold Medalist Tony Stark thinks it's going to be no more difficult a job to get ready for London 2012, than what he has just achieved. That is, of course, before Coach Fury comes to visit, and offers him a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be a part of something much bigger than himself. Swimming AU.

Peggy and Bucky get to grips with certain thoughts Bucky's been entertaining with regards to Steve and Tony. Part of Olympics 'Verse.

PROMPT: I just really want to see a His Dark Materials inspired fic where Tony and only Tony can see people's daemons. So, every human has one, but are completely unaware of their existence. And Tony's always been able to see them. When he was a kid it was written off as having a lot of imaginary pets/friends, but he never grew out of seeing them. And maybe he wrote it off as being partially cracked for a while, but Tony's still a scientist at heart and he's figured out how all these not-quite real animals relate to the people they follow, and uses that information to his advantage. All the time. Mostly to pick out the quickest and easiest way to piss someone off enough that they leave him alone. So, maybe Tony's kind of a spazzy genius trope because he's paying more attention to the daemons than the people in his life. And that's been fine for ages because he doesn't have to deal with a lot of people up close and personal, but now that he's an Avenger, that's changing. I have no preferences for everyone's daemons, but I do imagine Nick Fury's to be the world's most intimidating Great Horned Owl. Also, Thor does not have a daemon, which freaks Tony out to the extreme.

"But for some reason, when Stiles sees Derek talking to Lydia, the two of them painfully good-looking, all she can think about is that her hair is in a messy ponytail and there's pizza sauce on the hem of her t-shirt. It's not like she wants to go on a montage out of a '90s teen film and come out like Rachel Leigh Cook on a staircase, but Stiles maybe thinks she doesn't want to look like the homeless one in the pack."

Remus runs into Severus at a party.

Saving And Being Saved: "Five boys and Battle School. Nobody is satisfied, but one can imagine Graff doesn't care." Fangs Up: "Someone finally takes notice of the fact that Gabe Saporta says he spoke to a snake." One Man Band: "It takes Spencer a while to figure it out, but he doesn't let it change how he behaves when he does." Patrick Stump's Strip Joint, or The One Where They're All Strippers Apart From Patrick Who Has Taken Up Handicrafts (Not Like That): "The one where they're all (pretty terrible) strippers, Patrick owns the strip joint, and his therapist has suggested he take up a hobby."

William Beckett vs Ryan Ross. This is Thunderdome

Coulson figures it out through standard procedure (rumor mill to threatening junior agents to that required weird conversation with one’s boss).

As good as you get: "The problem was, really, Kris Allen was a tease." If You Can't See Where It Keeps Its Brain: "The Sorting Hat has its own agenda." I Woke Up In Love This Morning: He was hazy, half-asleep and incredibly comfortable and still half-lost in the most amazing dream. Five Reasons Xander Harris Hates Pete Wentz: If the Bandom'verse and the Buffy'verse all occupied the same 'verse, this is exactly what would have happened. red, red, gold: "Her name is Tasha Stark, and you won’t break her."

Jensen couldn't decide whether he was having the best week ever, or the worst.

So, here it is, Idol: An AI Podfic Anthology a.k.a. The Sooper Sekrit Paraka Podfic Projekt: ~6.5 hours, 21 AI (+1 Bandom) podfics by 21 podficcers. Thank you, [info]paraka, for everything, and congratulations on 5 years!!!

It’s the giving up, the way he gives himself up to Kurt, the slackness of his muscles saying do it. Make me do it. So Kurt does.

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

"Is that a Slam Man?" Tony asks, walking a slow circle around it. "Didn't they stop making these in the 1990s?" Steve gives him a look that says he's asking the wrong person. "Right, you were. Busy. Being frozen. So why did you bring this horrifying piece of cheap crap into my shop?" Steve, who is clearly excited about his cheap crap, isn't fazed at all by Tony's criticism. "It's a boxing dummy, with lights!" he says. Tony can’t remember the last time Steve looked this excited about something. "And you can program it for your workout. It's almost a robot, right? And you build great robots." Steve gestures toward Dummy, who chirps at him and spins his end effectors, the flirt. Tony thinks Steve actually blushes. "So...can you build something like this? But better?"

This time instead of DMing while intoxicated Jim decides to make a call. Drunk conversation/teasing turns into ~more.

Eyes ahead.