“Qing-jie,” Wen Chao called, laughing; Wang Lingjiao at his side was positively cackling, tears in her eyes. “We found you a husband to match you, Qing-jie – look at him, a perfect fit for you: beautiful and useless! Say ‘thank you, Wen-gongzi’.” Jiang Cheng might be beautiful, underneath the tears and the blood that covered him, the ruin of his chest and back, the bruises that stained his flesh, but his eyes were empty and dull – as dead as the golden core inside of him that was no more. That wasn’t something her medicine could fix, even if Wen Chao would be inclined to let her try. “Thank you, Wen-gongzi,” Wen Qing said politely. “Do you want me to take him out of your sight?”

Lan Xichen did his best to like most people, to give them the benefit of the doubt whenever possible – truly, he did. He even thought he was mostly successful at it, purposefully looking at Sect Leader Yao’s boorish nosiness as well-meant although ill-executed sympathy or Sect Leader Ouyang’s tendency to follow the crowd as a sense of fellow-feeling taken to an extreme. And yet – He was certain that there was something wrong with Meng Yao.

The first time Jack calls Max Anne's husband, Anne and Max both have some complicated feelings about it.

No, really. Fighting is a metaphor.

Not your typical morning wake-up call.

Dias plays it cool.

It was Wei Wuxian’s idea, of course. Jiang Yanli’s big didi was brilliant and talented beyond measure, as reckless and impertinent in his thoughts as he was in every other way, just as her little didi was earnest and soft-hearted and dutiful, the outlines of the serious man he’d become when he grew up just barely visible underneath the baby fat that still lingered in his cheeks. It was Wei Wuxian’s idea, but it was Jiang Cheng that made Jiang Yanli decide to use it.

“It’s just in case,” Jiang Cheng said. “A-Cheng…” Jiang Yanli said, smiling helplessly. Her little brother was all grown up now and pretending like it was his duty to be protective of her, rather than the other way around. “A-Cheng, it’s really not necessary. I’m going to my own engagement dinner – I don’t think anyone’s going to cause trouble.” It turns out, Jiang Yanli thought later as she looked at the dead body in the corner of her bedroom, that she'd underestimated her soon-to-be father-in-law.

"Geralt’s pupils are like black pits, the bright, unnatural yellow in them lost in their bottomless depths. It’s disconcerting. He seems out of touch. Drunk even. Jaskier can readily accept that, going by the slow, lethargic sway of the witcher’s head." Or: Geralt hunts a wraith and things go just a little wrong, in the sexiest of ways.

Aspiring makeup artist Jeongguk sits in his boyfriend's lap and practices.

Wen Qing: okay so like Wen Qing: were either of you going to warn me Wen Qing: that Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were Like That? Jin Zixuan: oh no Lan Wangji: I take it you had your first Family Dinner. Lan Wangji: I apologize for the lapse.

Nie Huaisang rather liked their Neighbors. He was aware that that was widely viewed as being a little bit odd of him, but it wasn’t any more odd than his general distaste for training his saber – though combined with his passion for pretty things, fans and clothing and paintings and birds, more than one person had not-so-subtly implied that they thought Nie Huaisang might be a changeling. (They only ever implied it once – Nie Mingjue seemed to have an extra sense for finding out when people were being cruel to his brother, and no hesitation whatsoever about beating the living daylights out of them when he did.)

[*standing alone and stunned with an armful of Feelings™* Uhhh…] This is not what they wanted, and it’s almost enough that they both know that. Yanli knows that it’s not fair, because she has come out with the better half of the bargain–she gets to stay at Lotus Pier with her brothers, her people, her home. Jin Guangyao has been married off, outside of his Clan, practically abandoned to the plain faced sister of a Sect Leader; the second choice after his older brother’s engagement to her fell through with devastating finality. She doesn’t know if that bothers him–it would have driven A-Cheng to near lunacy, had the same happened to him. But Jin Guangyao has been patient in all of their meetings, his manner pleasant, his smile gentle.

Nie Mingjue A northern soldier. Old with a grey beard, Baxia took his head clean off.

Nie Huaisang would do anything to help his brother. Now he knows the very thing required, and it forces every choked, desperate thought to the surface. Everything hiding beneath 'Da-ge smiled at me' rises forcefully up through him so that his mouth is filled with the taste of wanting. Yes, Nie Huaisang would do anything to help his brother, but especially this.

Once upon a time, in a land about twelve hours north of here, I was in the second year of grad school and really regretting all my life choices. Because the professor of the sociolinguistics class I was taking was a post-doc living several states away from her fellow-academic husband, she felt the same and gave our class completely free rein in picking our final paper topic. Since watching Firefly was the only thing that had given me joy that semester, I decided to examine the pidginization of Chinese and English in that universe.

Nie Mingjue's mustache deserves to be classed as a spiritual tool. Or 5+1 times someone appreciated Nie Mingjue's facial hair for Reasons.

Four worlds in which Jin Guangyao married Jiang Yanli

Lan Wangji is going to die. Lan Wangji is going to die, and it isn’t even a hyperbole; she is entirely ready to collapse in her seat like a marionette with its strings cut off. The vibrator inside her pulses, and Lan Wangji can barely stop herself from lurching forward and letting out a loud groan. She resists a glance at the row of seats behind her; she knows that Wei Ying is there, watching, and she isn’t entirely sure she isn’t going to come at the sight of Wei Ying’s lazy little smirk. Truly—the things Wei Ying has made her do—shameless. (or; Lan Wangji wears a vibrator to class at the behest of her fuckbuddy Wei Ying, and it ends up a lot hotter and more emotional for both of them.)

Nie Huaisang loves beautiful things, and plucking game birds is an exercise in destroying something beautiful. After which it's an exercise in picking off tiny bits of fluffy down that hide in the crevices and don't want to come out, and that's just annoying. He might hate doing this, but he does know how, so the motions come easily. The Nie were butchers, after all.

It had always been something of a behind-closed-doors debate – a chicken-and-the-egg problem, what came first, what was the cause and what was the symptom. Was the Nie sect’s atypical cultivation method the reason behind the notorious Nie temper? Or were they born with the temper, and the cultivation method merely built upon that? Which one was the reason for their clan’s tendency towards early qi deviations? Nie Huaisang usually threw his money on the “blame the cultivation style”, almost entirely for the sake of pissing off his brother. He was starting to think, though, that he’d been wrong.

By everyone’s agreement (except his own), Wen Ning was the sect leader. Of course, practically speaking, Nie Mingjue actually ran everything; he was the one with the experience in it, after all, and he claimed he was no good at teaching, which was the other thing they generally did. Other than, you know, the whole...fierce corpse thing.

Indulging oneself in pleasure is forbidden at the Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian doesn’t realize how serious they are about that rule until he’s sent to the cold springs, however. Alternatively, this is what it feels like to take Lan Wangji to pieces.

Yuuri Katsuki's stamina is inhuman. Victor will just need to resort to inhuman help to wear him out.

"I will live in thy heart sleeve, (never) die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes, and moreover, I will go with thee to the extremely boring cultivation conference." –The Yiling Laozu, probably. Wei Wuxian needs a new workshop. Lan Wangji has room in his qiankun sleeves.

“I still - I don't-” Shiro feels like his brain is broken. “I still don't get why this is necessary.” “All aspects of physical stamina are tested during the trials,” Kolivan replies, standing next to him as both of them watch the screen. “Awakening the blade is only the first step. Your friend is an omega, and all omegas currently serving with the Blades have lasted an hour or more on this device. It is protocol.”

Canon: The Untamed Jiang Yanli didn’t know Nie Huaisang very well. He’d been close with A-Xian and A-Cheng during their time in the Cloud Recesses, but Jiang Yanli was older and had made her own friends at the time; she’d pretended ignorance of her brothers’ and Nie Huaisang’s antics, while engaging in some (much subtler and better-hidden) antics of her own. She had remained in touch with the young women who had been her friends from the lectures right up until the Wens came to Lotus Pier. Her last letter to Ouyang Anzheng had gone out right before she and her father left for Lanling.

The last year before Jin Zixuan figures out that his father will only ever love him as an accessory to his power is also the year that he meets Luo Qingyang. For a long time, he thinks of it as the last truly happy year of his life. The Luos are a long-time family of the Jin sect. Most of them live in Lanling City, although there are a few cousins living farther out in the more rural areas. It is to these cousins that Jin Zixuan will go to learn to ride horses the year he turns eleven.

Under normal circumstances, he would have never thought of trying something like this, but his husband had run off his mouth while they were being intimate and it had made Lan Wangji very aware of a desire he had never known he had. It was something he had been unable to put out of his mind for over a week. The thought of it made his body warm and eager, and the images his mind conjured were more than enough to make him seek pleasure at odd times, to Wei Wuxian’s great delight. Tonight, he’d surprise him by making his words come true.

Jiang Yanli tended to deal with stress in one of two ways: cooking and taking care of people. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, the Wen indoctrination camp provided many opportunities for both, although not with the people she might have expected. Wei Wuxian spent most of his days being valiant and light-hearted, trying to give them strength and courage, and Jiang Cheng followed his lead the way he always did, brave and serious and thoughtful and – well. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate both of them, because she did, but it was only that her own anxiety was more easily dealt with when she could distance herself from her current situation and focus entirely on someone else. She might have tried to take care of Jin Zixuan, but the Jin sect disciples closed ranks around him, glaring at her as if she were the one who broke off their engagement. Either way, she won’t go where she’s not wanted, and so she backed off and went elsewhere to look for someone that needed her. Luckily for her, Nie Huaisang was very loud and very vocal and very, very needy.

Xichen's cheeks are flushed a pale pink and it suddenly occurs to Mingjue that Xichen isn't doing that fancy Lan technique of using his core to evaporate the alcohol before it can affect him. Which means Xichen wants to get drunk. Which means only bad things for Mingjue, generally. Good, but very bad things.

Nie Huaisang snapped open his fan and covered his face. "Be careful. I'll take advantage."

The one where NHS successfully thirst-traps his brother (and then gets to keep him). This started as a discord thread, then it moved to twitter, and it is now here on AO3. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me along every step of the way!

A post-canon twitfic (now cross-posted to AO3) in which Jin Ling, with help from Lan Sizhui, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng, & Wen Ning, cleans out Jin Guangyao's old treasure chamber, and makes some unexpected discoveries.

The words spill out of him before he can arrange them into something more coherent. “Anora, I think I might have a child.” (Or: in which Alistair Theirin realises he loves his wife.)

"You can't be serious," Xiao Zhan says. "Zhan-ge," Yibo cajoles, brandishing his PS4 controller and patting the couch next to him. "Just give me like, two minutes. I promise. I swear. I just gotta be online for this drop."

Wei Wuxian's messiness comes back to bite him in the ass, a thousand years later. *** "Why are vampire stories always I Want To Drink The Sexy Neck Milkshake and never two vampires texting about the passionate letter one wrote to the other in 1863 but never sent that the other just saw in the Smithsonian’s fall exhibition on Love Through the Ages and what the fuck, Claude, why didn’t you say anything" AU, but with immortal cultivators.

The resentful energy occupying Wei Wuxian's body like an enemy army is very interested in giving him Lan Wangji, tied up with a bow. Wei Wuxian is hoping that Lan Wangji (who is far too noble and very keen to save Wei Wuxian's misguided soul) doesn't find out about any aspect of that.

A very specific part of Jin Ling's Yunmeng Jiang heritage makes itself known when he comes of age. His friends help him out.

The Jiang Sect was famous for it's marvelous creations. Lan Wangji is just as enthralled as everyone else until he gets a closer look.

Huaisang ran his fingers up over Mingjue’s thigh and abdomen, smoothing in slow circles as he spoke, “Just relax, Da-ge. I’ll take good care of you.”

In the end, there isn’t much of a discussion. With the sabre spirit boiling in Mingjue’s blood, it has to be Huaisang. Huaisang has regular courses, has never actually been stabbed or tortured on the field of battle. They know their duty to the family. If Mingjue can’t risk a child, Huaisang will do it. But she's not doing it alone.

Nie Huaisang blinks his big dark eyes open and scoots closer, thighs bumping against the outside of Nie Mingjue's hips. "I don't feel anything yet," he says. "Can you give me some more?"

Pat’s never really had anyone do this before– the gentle, almost rhythmic smoothing as Brian makes his way across one wing and then the other, seemingly in no rush to get to the main event, so to speak. He hasn’t touched Pat’s preen oil glands at all, but apparently Pat’s body has gotten the message that preening is happening now anyway. He can feel that the feathers closest to his back are slick with oil now, already noticeably heavier than usual. Brian seems to notice this as well, as he pauses mid-sentence to let out a soft “Hmm!” when his ministrations shift again towards the center of Pat’s back.

Mingjue’s first thought is: generic. This is entirely Huaisang's fault, the product of listening to far too many rants about the failings of modern men’s fashion. Lan Xichen looks like he’s stepped out of a diagram labelled “Business Casual.” Mingjue’s second thought is: pretty.

Who do you bloom for, in your lungs?

“Tell me I’m beautiful, Lan er-gege!” “You are well aware you are beautiful,” Lan Wangji says. Wei Wuxian trips over Jiang Wanyin and sends both of them to the ground in a tangle of limbs and bruises.

The first time Wei Wuxian sees Lan Zhan naked in the Cold Spring behind Cloud Recesses, she's totally blindsided. Lan Zhan is meditating, tips of her hair trailing through the water when Wei Wuxian arrives and starts to strip down. Her eyes are closed, and her tits are floating in the water in front of her. Several things strike Wei Wuxian in quick succession. Five times Wei Wuxian notices how absolutely enormous Lan Zhan's tits are, and one time she does something about it: A fill for a prompt in the MDZS/CQL Kink Meme.

It doesn’t come up often, and Wen Qing didn’t plan it this way, but she has slept with all of the Yunmeng siblings (separately) and she’s not even a little bit sorry about it, it was all good.

Mingjue has been working too much, so Huaisang brings him lunch and a special surprise. Huaisang's motives aren't entirely altruistic...