“It's a contingency plan in case of accidental teenagering,” says Stark.

He's met Toni Stark. He's seen the best that this century has to offer, dolled up in impenetrable sunglasses and a lipstick-stained grin, and he knows that this world isn't going to save itself.

Tony begins to notice that things are going missing from his workshop... and discovers that his bots have been hiding a very, very big secret from him. Or rather, a very, very small one. In which Dummy is a kleptomaniac, You is painfully shy, Butterfingers is a programming genius, JARVIS is a sarcastic sonofabitch, Pepper takes care of Tony outside of the workshop, Bruce is Tony's boo, Thor is Tony's favourite, Clint is actually kind of smart, Steve has terrible timing, and problem-solving is never simple or easy.

The story of how Darcy Lewis accidentally helps found the Avengers while having an epic, failboaty romance with that dude she nailed in a bar two years ago. Tasers, jackbooted thugs, Tony Stark, and life-altering job offers are par for the course when you help discover an alien/god dude with amazing pecs.

The World Security Council prefers Emil Blonsky in the Avengers Initiative, not Bruce Banner. SHIELD doesn't think that's a good idea.

Gyzym's not!fics are addictive, I swear. So here are four more, kinda-sorta in the Bedtime Stories 'verse, but this time with bonus Teen Wolf! The titles are pretty self-explanatory, the links are to the texts on gyzym's tumblr, and I haven't linked to their individual downloads because that made the page really confusing - the files are clearly labelled, so if you don't want one, you can just delete it from the group folder.

In which Clint is not the emotionally stunted one, plays pretty well with others, and Sitwell is a foul-mouthed matchmaker against his will.

Come Now, We're Children (Let's Play A Game): He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one. Totally Not A Meet-Cute: "Gerard has had a crush on Train Guy for a while, but just going up and talking to him would be weird. He needs a reason, right?" In the Belly Of: "Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)" Turn Your Head: "Written for the genderplay square at kink_bingo's April 2012 "gift baskets" challenge." Apple Bottom Jeans (And Other Love Songs): "Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance."

In the end, stories are about the people in them --personalities and relationships resonate across cultures and worlds. Or: Thor reads Lord of the Rings, and tries to use it to process his past and present, and as a framework to hope for the future.

Choices: "Sylar's on a quest for powers, but Gerard just wants to help." You Know These Words (Like an Old Country Song): "Movieverse. The one where Clint Barton used to be a Hunter. A crossover of sorts with Supernatural." Spin and Rinse: "Set in the early van days, Brian forces the boys to stop at a laundromat."

They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation.

Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

Someone is stealing Stark Tech and using it to fight the Avengers, which offends Pepper on every level. So when Phil asks her to team up with Natasha to root out the traitor she's more than happy to—even if it means reopening some old and not-so-old wounds.

In 1977, Jennifer Barton (nee Clinton) gave birth to her second child. Francis Clinton Barton was born and her father threw away the It's A Boy cigars and walked out of the delivery room to head to the closest bar.

Because Loki is a contrary asshole, he gifts Clint Barton with wings, of all things, during battle. The wings in and of themselves are one thing, but the way they react to Phil is another.

Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

When he takes the rap for a crime committed by Barney and the Swordsman, Clint is charged as an adult at 17 and spends the next four years of his life without protection in prison. Enter one Neal Caffrey, who knows how to charm his way to whatever he wants or needs, and Clint's life gets a lot more interesting. Pretty much, the story of Clint in prison, Clint getting out, and Clint, like always, finding his way to SHIELD, and Phil.

When a second Tony Stark slips through from an alternate universe, Steve suddenly finds his hands very full.

Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him.

Steve looks after everyone, but no one looks after Steve. No one except Bucky.

When you're sometimes a monster, love is rarely worth the risk. On the other hand, Bruce hadn't factored Natasha Romanoff into his calculations.

Everyone thinks Peter Burke has only caught Neal Caffrey twice. Everyone is wrong.

Some things are true and some are not.

Every office has a 'cute guy from Marketing with a great ass' that everyone wants to sleep with. Among the junior agents at SHIELD, that person is Phil Coulson. Clint would find it hilarious, but he just wants people to stop throwing themselves at his boyfriend.

After the revelation that rumours of Phil's demise had been greatly exaggerated, there's a party at Stark Tower. It doesn't take much for Tony to throw a party, but this one's actually organised by Pepper, so will at least start out tasteful, civilised, and impeccably hosted.

A Small Thing: Halloween: Princess Thor's skirt is the prettiest in all the Realms. Only Fools Rush In: In which Captain America ends up married to Bucky Barnes, with Thor, prince of Asgard and god of thunder, as their witness.

Son of Thunder: "A reunion, an offer, a promise. Star Trek XI/Thor crossover. Written for amine_eyes." Under The Suit (We Have To Work Together): "In which Charles and Erik's X-Men team up with the Avengers, but Erik's distracted by the guy in the metal suit."

Steve sang in the shower. Of course Steve sang in the shower; if Tony had been making a list of stereotypical, I-came-from-the-1940s, Boy Scout traits, singing in the shower would be at the top of the list.

"Tony. I can't be a superhero." Darcy is pretty sure about this. (Sequel to Gift of Asylum)

"Tony Stark sometimes doesn't make the best choices with his health. Tony is usually bad at communicating. Steve usually doesn't end up in medical, but there are always exceptions. "Phil Coulson is the one who has to write up this nonsense, and he can't keep the Avengers out of medical."

They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation.

Young Phil Coulson pretends he can't hear his parents fighting. Instead, he occupies himself with the adventures of Captain America.

"They bought-- what? A body in cryo?" Maria Hill looks skeptical. "How’d one guy fresh out of the ice kill a whole room?"

Steve gets a lesson in pop psychology, drives a roadster, fends off an aspiring killer robot, conquers Tetris, wins a quarter, buys pants, battles the undead, and falls hard for Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. Just your average superhero stuff.

Bucky is found by SHIELD. Tony wants a project. They meet somewhere in the middle.

What if the universes collided and a bunch of Steves ran into each other. And for whatever reason, they all had sex. As one does when meeting several of your alternate universe versions.

First Mugshot pic of the awesome collab I’m doing with Scifigrl47!

Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School.

Natural Selection: "BEACON, also known as the Bureau of Enforcement, Armed Combat and Offensive Neutralization (it sure is offensive, Stiles thinks) has established the Avengers Initiative in order to, uh, fight crime. And rampaging alien hordes. And stuff....And somehow, in the middle of all this chaos, the Hulk and Iron Man find love." Kids From Yesterday (OR, Mohawks for Everyone): "Okay, this bandom family stuff is unreal. Who needs to make this shit up?"

Fury's a beautiful princess. Clint's plotting a Communist revolution. Rhodey's not sexy. Wall-E's not a documentary. Clint's not gay but he does give a great blowjob. This fic is not an AU.

Stop the Presses: "Kavanagh gets his revenge. Written for the Documentary Challenge in SGA Flashfic. Posted January 2006." Sandcastles: "Home is what you make it." Golden Rule Days (Our Modern Family Belongs To Us): "How Kat Barton comes to realizes that her very large “family” maybe isn’t normal—but that’s what makes it awesome. Movieverse. Inspired by workerbee73’s Career Day, but it got out of hand. >_>" Momentum: "It doesn't matter who you are; eventually, everyone's past catches up to them."

Slytherin Tony and Ravenclaw Bruce are assigned to be Potions lab partners in 7th year. They just want to win Slughorn's prize, but things get very strange, very quickly. And Tom Riddle sucks.

A series of days in a new life. Captain Steven Rogers gets a little help adapting to the 21st century from Darcy and Wolverine, and Tony wonders when exactly he turned into the mature person in the room.

Just a tiny Tony & Rhodey moment, in the aftermath of Avengers.

alt-title: 'Is That a SIG-Sauer P228 In Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?'

Coming home from a long business trip, Tony stumbles on Steve listening to Glenn Miller in the library.

Steve and Tony accidentally start a national do-gooders association and fall in love.

It starts with Steve, waking up in a room that looks familiar except for all the ways it's wrong.