Arson Clinic engages in a nerdy rap battle with Lil Cal while stagehand Karkat smokes in an alley behind the venue and hates life. Meanwhile, homeless punk John Egbert goes on a quest for a little rubber alien.... AND THEN THEY ALL ROCK.

In another universe, the Imperial Fleet came to Earth without warning, in the early years of the Cold War. Just as suddenly, nuclear warfare served as the ultimate warning to stay away, and the Earth was safe. The crashed ships full of abandoned officers and slaves, not so much. Fast forward to present day, and the Earthbound troll population has been forced to survive in a human-dominated society that doesn't take kindly to their decades-long presence. Between having to resort to archaic and undignified methods of reproduction, legally-mandated drugs to suppress their more trollish attributes, and clashes between Alternian and Earth-hatched generations, survival looks to be a difficult task, indeed.

The first time you pass by the troll in the box you kind of try not to see it. It's gross as fuck when people do this. You guess maybe it's better than driving them out into the country and dumping them to make it on their own, or those stories you've heard about people dumping unwanted wrigglers in sacks into rivers--those you try not to think about because fuck, that is not okay on any level but it's not like you can do shit about it.

In which Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, and John Egbert decide to rent a house near campus pre-furnished to save themselves the unutterable joy of Ikea allen-wrenches, Dave discovers why you should never attempt to move a universe without assistance, and Karkat is the best housemate: it is hands-down no-questions-asked him.

Title: Learning Each Other (Got a lot to learn) Summary: "Karkat," you say, because it feels amazing but you can't help yourself, "is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "That is the stupidest pickup line in either of our universes," Karkat says, his face gray-red and his pupils huge, "and I dare you to find out." Title: Tomb Raiders Summary: Faint heart never won fair lady, you think. Or fair gentleman either. "If you're going to kiss me," you say, "now would be an excellent time." Title: Dirk: Take Charge Summary: You're going to leave the toybox in the closet tonight, because you are fairly certain that you can ruin him six ways to Sunday without even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs to back you up, and you really don't want to give the poor guy an aneurysm or something. Humanstuck, aged-up characters, dom/sub, ssc, being STRONG is sexy, porn battle, Title: Strength of Character Summary: Polite, a natural leader, and unusually strong. John is certainly a human worth paying further attention to.

AU. Alphas are like royalty and are offered their choice of any age eighteen-and-up virgin Omega for each year's heat season, as a 'thank-you' to all they've done for their compounds throughout the year. Derek is an Alpha and...yeah, Stiles. Stiles is an Omega. And still a virgin. In every way. And he's just turned eighteen. This...is not his day.

A century ago, humanity won a long guerrilla war against aliens who came and conquered the Earth, claiming they came in peace to win humanity's trust and cooperation in being made their playthings & wiping out most of civilization until it was possible to start rebuilding. Nearly two decades ago, a red ship bearing a forklike insignia arrived, and the alien aboard said that she was the Imperial Condense, and her people came in peace. Humanity won't be fooled again.

CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN. CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT? CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it. It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your exquisitely tailored jacket. CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT. CT: D--> That wasn't CT: D--> I mean CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship. CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.

“I’m probably not going to like you, and you’re definitely not going to like me,” she says, all in an urgent rush, “but circumstances being what they are I do believe we need each other.” She holds up a piece of paper: your ad, printed out. One room8 needed, ASAP!!!!!!!! (Alternatively: Rose Lalonde, Vriska Serket, and the bodies left in their wake.)

It's Fashion Week in New York and everyone who matters is here to judge and be judged. Clint's been steadfastly ignoring the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach all day. He adjusts the silvery gray jacket Tony had thrust at him earlier and smooths out an imaginary crease in his linen pants. Tony is an amazing artist, not just when it comes to fashion, but in everything he does. Clint has no doubt he'll be fine. But try telling Tony that today and you'll get hit. Hard.

Bob is not the relationship type but something about Mikey makes him want to change all that. There are obstacles at every turn, from Gerard's overprotectiveness to massive communication issues (mostly due to Bob being a failboat). Bob has to work out what he really wants to say and how to say it to have a chance of making a relationship with Mikey work. (AU. MCR never happened. Bob is a drummer working as a sound engineer.)

After getting expelled from Queen of Peace, Frank realizes that this could be the best thing to ever happen to him and formulates a plan. A plan to use his new life at his new school as an opportunity to cross-dress, full-time as the boy he knows he is, unbeknownst to the students and administration of Belleville High School.

Ex-military Eridan Ampora has an honorable discharge hanging on his wall, dreams of battlefields that haunt him around every turn and a pair of trolls who scurry around his house and snoop in his things when they think he isn't looking while they wait for their own scars to fade. Somehow, he thinks that that's enough. Inspired by Unwanted Free Ugly Troll.

A peaceful Earth, five major powers united in global governance. An International Space Service, exploring the stars for new homes and signs of life. An ever-expanding Alternia, convinced of its own supremacy, willing to tolerate no threats, willing to acknowledge no others. A species with a history drowning in its own blood, in turning on itself, in destroying anything that seems other, in taking any excuse for a war. (That last one was humanity. Trolls are about to find out they've made a big fucking mistake.)

Karkat gets kidnapped. When Gamzee hears, he just goes with the flow. Competence? From Gamzee Makara? It's more likely than you think.

Dave and John are college students with no money and one job between them. Unable to pay their bills or cover food costs, dire steps must be taken in order to rectify this. these new steps are a catalyst for a drastic shift in their relationship. this is homosexual. the author does not know how the porn industry works. shhhhhhh...

Karkat blamed it all on Missus Jane.

Karkat Vantas is a 6 sweeps old troll with a secret so big it could shake the very foundations of the Alternian Empire. But now the purrbeast is out of the bag, and the heretics who follow the teachings of his Ancestor rush to send their Messiah to the safety of a planet so distant, it knows nothing of Alternia. Meanwhile, Karkat hates his life and these stupid old squatters and his ancestor and pretty much everything there ever was in the world of forever. Platonically.

The kids and remaining trolls stop by Jane Crocker's house to meet up with the new players and end up getting more than they bargained for when she realizes how much they could use some time to recuperate.

AO3 port of Brainbent, a reader-driven Homestuck AU on Tumblr. Warning for mental illness themes. Major updating in progress as I move the story posts here from Tumblr for an easier archive bingeing experience.

Wherein the four beta!kids are and always were trolls on Alternia, Sgrub/Sburb does not exist, and Troll Jade Harley is on a quest to keep her friend Aradia from dying. Things will almost certainly get more complicated, but that's a good place to start.

"An immense saucer descending from the clouds and impacting the ground, as the press and through them the people of Earth looked on in shock and awe. That was the scene in California's Mohave desert two years ago today: the historic first view of the Alternian ship upon its dramatic arrival. Their ship was a refugee ship carrying a quarter million children and young adults ready to settle in almost any environment, but they washed ashore on Earth with no way to get back to where they came from. Civil liberties attorneys successfully lobbied for the Alternians' release from quarantine and in the last two years, the Alternians have become the latest addition to the population of Los Angeles." The representitives of a race of newcomers fight to give their people a home on Earth- but even without the deadly killer stalking the streets of LA, just surviving is hard enough for some. Can humans and aliens work together to build a better future? Or is it all doomed to end in bloodshed? One thing is for sure - for sixteen teenagers, this is going to be a dangerous week. AUTHOR'S NOTE: You don't have to know Alien Nation at all to read, understand or enjoy this fic!

Sollux Captor has just relocated to Houston for a dead-end job and all he wants is to drink and wallow in his thirty years of shitty luck. Instead, he gets tag-teamed by a pair of blond twins who really, really want to take him home.

Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

In which young Church ward Gamzee Makara is finally old enough to be officially initiated into the ranks of the subjugglators.

Terezi Pyrope is a Neophyte Legislacerator looking to lease an administrative assistant. She was not expecting to find Dave Strider, a secretarial asset with a sense of integrity as strong as her own. Dave Strider is a secretarial asset with "personality problems" that would have gotten him culled if not for his otherwise exemplary administrative abilities. He finds himself drawn into the quadrants of the would-be social reformer who leased him. He finds he is surprisingly Okay with this. Both their lives become interesting (in the curse sense) when the Heiress retains Pyrope and her team.

Sollux Captor is 22 years old, a successful freelance web designer, and an avid player of the wildly successful MMORPG, Grubquest. Karkat Vantas is 19 years old, a cranky CS-major freshman, and an avid player of the wildly successful MMORPG, Grubquest. Sollux and Karkat are the worst best friends and one of the top player-pairs in the game. In a month, they're meeting for the first time and it's exciting... and terrifying.

A college AU with strippers, crime bosses, and a mystery to solve.

Arthur doesn’t care much about the popular radio program Dragon’s Lonely Hearts until his ex-girlfriend calls in to slag him off and get advice. When he calls in and has an on-air argument with the host, it starts off more than he expected, including meddling friends, overinvolved fans, and maybe love.

Every office has a 'cute guy from Marketing with a great ass' that everyone wants to sleep with. Among the junior agents at SHIELD, that person is Phil Coulson. Clint would find it hilarious, but he just wants people to stop throwing themselves at his boyfriend.

Arthur and Merlin have shared a living space for over six years and can hear each other very clearly through the wall between their rooms.

Arthur is a recruiter for a branch of the Special Forces and goes to give a talk at Ealdor High School. Merlin is in the audience.

'There's a whole other story, about that, a girl with mirrors over her eyes and a man who was scared to care about anything.'

“See? I need my daisy crown or I won’t get Chased.” Stiles frowned. “And then I’ll have to do it again next year. I really don’t want to do it twice.” The good and the bad of getting Caught this year included not having to do it again and the bad was he’d have a werewolf mate for the rest of his life. Stiles is seventeen. He has a lot of life to live. Unless his wolfy mate has no sense of humor or a temper. Those with no sense of humor and tempers tended to hate Stiles the most and wouldn’t that suck? Being tied to someone for the rest of his life who hates him. That actually sounds like his type of luck. “You’ll be fine.” Allison beams because she’s a sweet person and can obviously read Stiles like a picture book aimed at toddlers. Aconitum: She weaves wolfsbane in her hair to throw off the scent, but the underlying smell of mate and mine is still there. Based off of hoars' fic Festival of Red and basically me just wanting to see more Pyida interaction.

Karter Vantas loses his bus pass and gets a couple of quarters from some random guy, who turns out to be mind-blowingly annoying. To cope with his fiery rage, Karter posts a long-winded, colorful rant on the Missed Connections section of craigslist, and then puts it out of his mind. What ends up happening is the very last thing he ever could have expected: he gets a response.

After Bro takes off for an overseas job, Dave Strider finds himself with a condo, bills, and nary a way to pay for it all. He does what any normal college guy would do; puts up an roommate wanted ad on craigslist. He gets a little bit more than he bargained for... in a very good way.

"On your three," Captor's voice crackles in his ear as Dave finishes putting down the last bunch of combat drones to come after him. "Already on it," Dave says.

Looking into mirrors has always messed with your head, but this is nothing like a mirror image. It’s like looking at yourself distorted even further, sharper, the bare bones and skin shaped into something more solid, but still thin and tense and narrow.

"Okay. Let's work on shelter first. You ever build a treehouse?" Sh-t, Tavros's little impressed face kind of gets you right in the pump biscuit.

--Looking for full day/evening sitter. 2 twin boys age 4. Must have exp. w/werewolves. Must be human. No pedophiles. No teenage girls. Pay negotiable. --

Derek's expecting the new guy. He's expecting another mostly-useless college kid who doesn't know one end of a horse from the other, and Derek doesn't have the time to babysit. What he's not expecting is Stiles Stilinski, who carries on conversations with the livestock and gets maybe a little too chummy with Isaac and is really kind of stupidly perfect in every way. And it's just distracting, that's all.

"Today is Scott's first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified."

Stiles gets a massage. And then some. Alternatively: in which Stiles' mouth gets him into trouble, again and again.

When Canadian figure skater Jeff Skinner wrecked his knee, he never could have imagined that he'd end up helping pay his way through college as a live-in babysitter for Eric Staal's three-year-old son, Joey.

Derek's a dressage rider with a reputation for frowning and making people cry. Stiles is an acrobatic stunt rider whose resume includes medieval-themed dinner shows and the actual circus. Derek's an Olympian, he doesn't need this shit.

“I called you a slave-driver!” Stiles cried hysterically. “I called you an ogre! I stole all the blue paperclips!” Derek raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s company property!” he shouted, waving his arms madly in distress. Derek ran a hand over his face. “It’s not theft if the vice president of the company gives you permission.” (Otherwise known as the Elevator AU)

AU. It's not exactly that Lydia wants to set Danny up with her high school friend, it's more that she doesn't want to deal with him, and she'd rather make Danny do it.

In a world where Hunters and Witches have formed an alliance to protect humans from Rogues, Dean Winchester is a Master Hunter. The last of a long line of Hunters, Dean is on the trail of Azazel, one of the most powerful Rogues that has ever existed. Knowing that he can't Hunt the Rogue alone, Dean visits the city of Nouvelle Orleans and the High Witch who holds it. She offers him her heir, Samuel, and the two leave. In their search for Azazel, they find secrets buried beneath secrets and a stunning revelation that could change the entire world.

Kris wasn't brand-new at the substitute gig, but it was still a little unsettling to walk into the office his first day at the new school, and have the secretary look him up and down and say, "Oh, you are going to be eaten alive."

Written for reni_days‘s prompt on the bandom pretend dating festival: spencer has invented an imaginary boyfriend for some longstanding work-related (or other) purpose. his friends (including brendon) all know about the epic story of his pretend romance, and think it is hilarious. eventually, spencer runs into the work people while out with his friends (including brendon) and it turns out that, unbeknownst to him, brendon has been spencer's imaginary boyfriend all along.