“Who are you?” Graves demanded hoarsely. “I’m Newt. Scamander. Err. Pleased to meet you. I mean, I would’ve been pleased to meet you, under normal circumstances.” “Scamander.” Graves frowned to himself. For someone who was supposedly in a bad rut, he seemed perfectly in control. “Your accent, it’s British. Any relation to Theseus Scamander? Head of the DMLE?” “I’m his younger brother.” “Are you an Auror?” “No. I’m a magizoologist.” Graves exhaled, exasperated. “A what? Is this a rescue or are you a hostage?” “Sort of neither,” Newt admitted.

And now he’s just… how the fuck is he even supposed to talk to Tyrion in his life without blurting hey, you know what, I’ve just discussed a few things with my therapist and guess what, I let her ruin your life, too, and I didn’t understand how much, and I didn’t even hear you out when you tried to tell me and you had half my fucking years, will you ever forgive me for that? He has no fucking clue. He has no bloody fucking clue, and fine, that is why he’s pretty much unable to think of anything else, but it still doesn’t mean he had any right to be a fucking arse to others.

“Very well. I’m going to tell you straight up — when you told me you hadn’t remembered that episode at all, it was a red flag. Given everything else you’ve said up to this point and how you reacted to recalling it and what you’ve said about your general coping mechanisms —” “Coping mechanisms?” “You might not know it was that, but you’ve used a lot of them. And this is where I tell you that repression or suppression of traumatic memories is very common, when discussing child abuse victims. Especially male ones.” He doesn’t know why his first instinct is denying it. It’s fucking ridiculous. He went to a guy who’s a fucking authority on the subject because deep down he knew that could be the issue, if he even thinks about that one memory he wants to throw up, since he remembered that he hasn’t been able to walk near dogs without wanting to jump on the other side of the road, it’s been two months and he’s gained a new awareness of how unhealthy his entire life was until he broke it off with her — And still, his first instinct is telling him, it can’t be?

Why the fuck would Ned Stark’s kid volunteer to sell off his fucking virginity, that’s something Jaime would honestly like to know. … Also, damn, now that he looks back at it, it’s not just that he’s nervous. He has the face of someone who’s wholly fucking regretting being here. Or: in which Jon makes extremely bad life decisions. Good for him that he pretty much crashes Jaime's undercover op.

“I just told the scribes to send various copies around the realm. A couple of months should suffice for people to decide whether they wish to join,” Aegon says, and – Jon reads the first half of message. Then reads it again. Then a third time, and at that point he can’t think he hallucinated it as much as it seems the most likely explanation. “Your Grace, you didn’t just organize a tourney for my hand.” Or: in which Aegon decides that it's time his adoptive father moves on with his life and finds himself a nice guy to settle with. It's just his luck that Aegon is in the perfect position to make it happen.

Sharing an apartment with Todoroki was great 99% of the time, but the other 1% was Midoriya getting walked in on jerking off before he'd even managed to get his hero costume off after work.

'Body sushi under regular circumstances often doesn't go beyond merely erotic, and touching the models in actual restaurants is usually strictly forbidden. Nantaimori, where a male model is used, is also much more rare. Today, it seems, they'll be tossing those conventions right out the window. His excitement is already high, but when Hinata gets closer and sees who it is on the table, he can barely contain his glee. "Kageyama-kun!" he exclaims, waving as the prone figure on the table shifts their head ever so slightly to look in his direction. "Good to see you again!" ' -- Hinata gets treated to a delicious meal.

Eijirou ignores the thousands of notifications he has—as an extremely popular "fitness" model on Instagram, the constant onslaught is just background noise to him at this point. His latest post is doing extremely well, but that was almost a given, since it was an especially risqué photoshoot with a company that makes leather body harnesses. Their newest chest harness (in red, of course) is particularly good for highlighting one of his best assets—his pecs. The message in question, from Instagram user @candocandid, is only a few days old: Hey! Wow, thanks so much for the follow back?! Totally wasn't expecting that haha -- Midoriya Izuku is a popular Instagram photographer who is just as pretty as his photos, and Eijirou wants a piece.

The first time he picked up Gryffindor's sword he had been young and terrified. The second time he fumbled the hilt, he had still been young and he had still been terrified. The third time? He was not much older and no more prepared for the world he had just entered, nor for the enemy he will face in order to win this twisted game of life and death.

On the way back to the mountains to get Kirishima some remedial dragon fire-breathing lessons, Bakugou agrees to let Kirishima scentmark him so the other dragons don't get any fresh ideas (if 'agrees to' means 'is completely into it').

When the whole world tells Izuku that he's not capable of being anything more than a useless, quirkless deku, is it any wonder that he finds himself in games, where quirks don't matter? Is it any wonder that he finds himself in SAO?

Yuuri, under the username of Eros, is a size queen omega who most certainly does not have an obsession with fellow camboy and legendary silver-haired alpha Aria. Just like Phichit is not the most meddlesome roommate known to man.

Kaneki's whole body goes warm. He can smell Hide's scent, warm and rich and compelling, watch the dilation of his pupils in deep brown irises, see the lightness of the ends of his short hair, brittle from bleach. Hide is just a bit taller than he is. He really does have a very nice face – Kaneki had noticed when he came in, but now he notices all over again. "Hey," whispers Hide. “Hey,” Kaneki breathes back, not daring to move or speak up. “Are we,” Hide licks his lips, “having a Moment?” ____________ Or "How Kaneki Ken wanted to go to the convenience store, but got laid instead."

Tsuna isn't a hardcore gamer, and neither is Yamamoto. But Sword Art Online is the world's first VRMMORPG; who wouldn't be excited for the official launch? ... Before the 'death game' part of it was introduced, of course. (And the chaos doesn't stop there.)

There was a women lying unconscious in the alley behind the café. Nana blinked down at her bemusedly, both hands wrapped tight around the neck of a heavy trash bag. When she didn’t make any sounds or move, Nana shrugged, and made her way over to the trash bin, hauling the bag up and over into it. She was still in the same spot, sitting up against a wall, by the time Nana made it back to her, so Nana crouched down, and poked her in the cheek, peering down into her pretty face curiously. Later, she admitted to herself, wouldn’t it be more of an adventure if she didn’t tell anyone, and just helped the woman out on her own? Yes, yes it would. So she grinned, and crouched down in front of the woman and carefully lifted her onto her back. --- Nana was used to living life on her own, and on her own terms. Completely alone save for the few strays she took in when she got bored. Lal Mirch was something unexpected, though, and blew her otherwise normal life to smithereens. Namimori and Sawada Iemitsu weren't much better. What was a quiet Mist user minding her own business to do? Have fun with it and run wild, of course.

For the Prompt "An Impulse Buy Leads to Intergalactic Warfare." Decima Nana, courtesy of Daniela di Vongola and Kawahira's wandering shop ...

His hand hit the light-switch, illuminating the room. Tsuna blinked. A dark brown carpet, beige walls, a bed and a- wait. Only one bed? He squeaked.

‘’So… was that your true form?’’ Kyoko shrugs. ‘’Onii-san was the sun, but he kept drifting away. I could hardly remain a sky if I wanted to help him, isn’t it?’’ Hana looks at her strangely. ‘’You became an eldritch horror so your brother would stop losing quite that many memories?’’ ‘’Wouldn’t you?’’

Written for the prompt "Eldritch Abominations" "Kakashi doesn’t let his Light loose often, so to shed his skin twice in a day-- even if only a little bit-- gives him a high like no other. He lets a faint image of his wings burn into this reality and a million galaxies are reflected in his eyes. “Naruto is an Uzumaki through and through. There are certain differences you’ll just have to let me account for.” He creeps closer to the elders, speaking with more mouths with every word. “My mother once told me that when I was a baby I had a habit of forgetting I was supposed to be baby-shaped. My father was hardly allowed to look at me for fear of me blinding him by accident. I would hate to make the orphanage directors blind. And I would hate for you four to be responsible for it.” He returns to his form-- the silver hair that catches light a bit too well, the grey eye that sometimes doesn’t look grey, the pale skin that’s a bit too pale for anyone’s comfort. “I trust you to make the right decision.” The four elders consider for a moment. “Perhaps we can reach a compromise.”"

It was only supposed to be a game. A fun way to pass the time. Maybe even make friends. How was Tsuna supposed to know Jumanji had a mind of its own, or that 'survival game' was very literal?

Xanxus doesn't put it all together at first. He's too focused on protecting his family from the spawn of Iemitsu. But then Squallo saves the Rain brat, and Xanxus takes a second look.

Tsuna learned young that he was not his parents priority. So he never said anything about the itch under his skin, about the way he sometimes felt his body burn from the inside or how the only time he felt calm was when blood ran like rivulets down his skin. [Or the one where Tsuna finds a family for himself and subsequently starts taking over the world (by accident)]

Sawada Tsunayoshi is born an Omega in a world that expects nothing from his dynamic except submission. Tsuna is many things – hopeless klutz, booksmart-deficient, heir to a bloodline some people would like to keep secret – but, as it turns out, ‘submissive’ is not one of them.

When Uzumaki Naruto breathed his last, he didn’t expect to wake up in the world of the living again. He was old, and tired, and so, so ready to move on. And, well...he wanted to see his wife again, dammit. But, of course, that wasn't what happened. Why? Naruto screamed at the powers-that-loved-to-fuck-with-his-life-and-now-his-afterlife-too, with tears streaking down his cheeks, feeling cold, weak, hungry, and utterly disgusted. Because you’re everybody’s bitch, Kurama helpfully supplied.

The idea comes from Visconti, who has been the one stuck riding herd on his bastard daughter the majority of the time. (He's the only one strong enough to do so, and with hindsight, it had probably contributed to his Cloud suggesting this as a solution.) It makes a lot of sense; they needed the Cavallone to keep guarding their flank, and Xana was of an age with their remaining heir.

Once the scent came to his nose, Oberyn had to pursue it. He had to find the source.

On Wednesday, Yuri skates right in between Viktor and Mila and says, nonchalant. "When I grow up, I'm going to be Yuuri Katsuki's second husband." Viktor chokes on his own spit. "What happened to the first one?" Mila asks, amused. "Nothing you can prove," Yuri says, glancing meaningfully at a wide-eyed Viktor before skating away to the sound Mila's laughter. (Or: In which Yuri Plisetsky has a crush, Mila Babicheva is a terrible listener, Otabek Altin is an equally terrible advice-giver, and the only possible solution to his predicament is to kill Viktor Nikiforov and marry Yuuri Katsuki himself.)

Whatever the hell Yuri had been expected when he finally got around to joining the pig and Victor in the hot springs, it sure as f*** hadn’t been the humongous red dragon tattooed on the pig’s back. (or: that one in Yuri goes on a journey to figure out why something about Yuuri, the Katsuki family and Hasetsu as a whole seems… Very… Strange. There’s no way in hell Katsudon’s in the yakuza. Right?)

Having grown up in Japan, Shiro was used to the anti-ghoul propaganda and the strict lives they had to live through. So, when he moved over to the US to join the Galaxy Garrison, he was very much surprised over the fact that ghouls had actual, proper rights that let them work for the government and go to space. However, being sent on a mission to space with two mature ghouls and supplies for them was much, much different than being in charge of four teenage ghouls while fighting a galactic empire and having to make do with the supplies that they had on hand. AKA, Shiro is the only one in the castle-ship who is completely human, and is completely done with no extra fucks to give by the end of it.

In which Yuuri was a Clearer in SAO, and this... Changes things. (Or the one in which Yuuri decides to try gaming on a whim when he's thirteen, manages to get his hands on SAO, and has to live with its impact and fallout for the rest of his life.)

On Wednesday, Yuri skates right in between Viktor and Mila and says, nonchalant. "When I grow up, I'm going to be Yuuri Katsuki's second husband." Viktor chokes on his own spit. "What happened to the first one?" Mila asks, amused. "Nothing you can prove," Yuri says, glancing meaningfully at a wide-eyed Viktor before skating away to the sound Mila's laughter. (Or: In which Yuri Plisetsky has a crush, Mila Babicheva is a terrible listener, Otabek Altin is an equally terrible advice-giver, and the only possible solution to his predicament is to kill Viktor Nikiforov and marry Yuuri Katsuki himself.)

“Are those even practical?” Iruka hisses, unable to tear his eyes away from his mission partner.

Ignis' cooking gives various status effects, depending on the recipe. It's never done this before, Prompto knows. This being the unstoppable urge to fuck his best friends, over and over and over again. Good thing they all ate the same meal.

Based on a kinkmeme prompt: "Ardyn pretends to be Noct to get info out of/lead astray/etc the Chocobros. Except Ardyn is thousands of years old and doesn't know how to talk like a 20 y/o slacker. He's too verbose, he uses old slang people haven't used in centuries, he smiles too much, he guesses their romantic attachments wrong..."

"So it turns out that forming Voltron is a lot harder to accomplish when you’re not all about to die." Or where Lance engages in some dick centered problem solving. He and Keith struggle to form the oneness of mind they need for Voltron, so they try to work it out between themselves.

West City Councilor Bertram will never forgive the State Alchemists for their part in the Promised Day Incident that nearly destroyed the country, especially the Flame Alchemist. He has a plan to put the alchemists in their place once and for all, and he's going to use their own art to do it. Meanwhile, Ed is just passing through West City on his way to meet up with his brother. But of course, Ed could never stay out of trouble for very long.

Through sheer serendipity, Tony discovers a lesser known side effect of the super soldier serum. Naturally, his scientific curiosity demands that it be tested in the bedroom. Oh, and he's always fantasized about being filled with copious amounts of come. In which Steve makes Tony's dreams come true and discovers a few things about himself along the way.

By Hylian standards, a voe isn't exactly a man, a vai isn't exactly a woman, and a man who desperately needs to get into Gerudo City doesn't exactly know what's going on. (Or: 2,500+ words of musing about Gerudo gender politics.)

Cor looked out at the thirty plus Crownsguard hopefuls with a flat piercing stare. “This is Prompto Argentum,” he said, gesturing to the young blond haired teen standing next to him. “He is a part of His Highness’ retinue. If you manage to land a hit on him, you can skip Basic training and move to Advance.” Someone in the crowd snicker as the rest of them stared, skeptical. Prompto Argentum was built like a stick, just waiting for someone to snap him in half. There was no way the Marshal was serious.

Gladio gets his kinks indulged by the other three while camping and in heat.

“You would think they’d make it harder to break into their castle,” Mei huffs, and heaves the body of a guard into one of the empty rooms to sprawl with the others.

In an alternate universe, forces conspired to put Ace, Sabo, and Luffy in the care of the Red Hair pirates as children. The Grand Line would never know what hit it.

That’s a nice face, Genma thinks. A hell of a nice face. And the biceps that are as big around as Genma's head are nothing to sneeze at, either. “Genma,” Aoba starts, a warning in his voice, but in the same moment the bigger Swordsman laughs again, leaning down, and instantly three of the genin swarm him. He boosts them up, then rises easily, like the weight of three genin is nothing at all, and Genma watches them laugh and cling to his shoulders, his arms, and licks his lips. “Genma,” Aoba says, and that’s his judgey and horrified tone.

“I want it known that I'm only allowing this under protest,” Kakashi says dryly. Zabuza rolls his eyes, leaning back against a tree and watching the trio on the bridge with amusement. “Yeah, you’ve said that. I don’t think the Hokage was impressed, either.”

Obito meets a version of himself from another world. And another, and another, and another.

Tobirama loved Itama enough to go against the natural laws in an attempt to bring him back. For Itama, it’s time to return the favor.

Just when Konan has lost hope, she meets a hero.

There's a low chuckle from behind them, and the bedsprings creak as Kakashi sprawls out, half-reclined as he watches them with heavy-lidded eyes. “You know,” he says easily, “of all the perks I expected as Hokage, this definitely wasn’t one of them.” “Threesomes with other Kages?” Utakata asks, dragging his fingers up Zabuza’s spread thighs, and those golden eyes don’t waver from Zabuza’s, intent and hot even if he sounds like he’s just making polite conversation. Kakashi chuckles. “I meant access to your own personal harem,” he says lightly. “But that too.”

in which I repost fics of various length that I posted on tumblr based on a specific modern 'verse that was discussed with one or more anons on my tumblr a while ago. Premise: Jon is still R+L but went to live with the Starks around five-ish after both his parents pretty much realized they bit off more than they could chew. Features extra Jon Connington being the responsible adult, Robb being a gift, the Tullys being fairly great people and so on. Specific ficlets: 1) jon connington comes clean with rhaegar about his feelings in a way he hadn't predicted; 2) jon c. finds out that rhaegar named his kid after him; 3) robb is *extremely* invested in making sure jon's first birthday party turns out great (ned/cat, robb & jon); 4) robb takes his brotherly duties with jon very seriously, good for everyone involved; 5) jon's first christmas with the starks *and* tullys; 6) how jon c. and brynden tully get together in this 'verse and realize they're actually perfect for each other; 7) jon (snow) and ygritte have their first child... who looks like rhaegar, GENETICS!.

in which Jaime has A Very Sound Plan when it comes to his family's objections to his marriage with Brienne.