In a world where Natasha Stark still dreams of fire and blood, the Winter Soldier wakes ahead of schedule and nothing happens the way it was meant to. (People don’t have a purpose.)

Okay, team, let's go steal the Earth.

Dorian enjoys being fingered while Bull watches television and Bull certainly has no complaints.

"Fifty for an hour," Steve tells her. "Sixty for my mouth." Steve sells the only thing he’s got left and Natasha's buying. She’s not the only one.

No, Jack Zimmermann did not need or want a soulmate. And then this little shit came along.

It's one thing to know in your gut that something is safe. It is another thing entirely to have the evidence staring you in the face, irrefutable and heartbreakingly earnest. (a kink meme fill)

Extra stories for the Retrograde series.

The Atlantis expedition has been lost for three years. SG-1 goes to find them, and arrives just a little too late.

What do you get for the girl who already has everything and really doesn't want to marry you? A kidnapping, apparently. No, that doesn't actually make any sense, but as The Iron Bull is about to find out, Dorian Pavus and Livia Herathinos don't appear to actually consider themselves bound by the rules of common sense. Isabela just can't believe someone's actually paying her for this. Lucky!

possible subtitle: and other reasons The Iron Bull is no longer allowed to suggest titles for his films In which Dorian is just getting used to his new life in Ferelden, when he discovers that his upstairs neighbour is somebody he knows. And by knows he means recognises from the movies, and by movies he means porn, and by recognises he means has had a slight obsession with since Rilienus taught him the twin joys of proxy servers and sites that charge their subscription to your credit card under names like ART FILMS, INC. (also: in which Halward is an asshole, as always, Rilienus is kinda a jerk, Felix remains perfect because Felix, and Sera is the mystical goddess who grad students pray to when they want free leftover sandwiches to turn up)

Everyone talks to Shitty, including his Hausmates.

Kurama just wants to finish his nap in peace. A particularly idiotic human is making that rather hard.

Tobirama comes to on a field heavy with the scent of blood, to a rout of shinobi in unfamiliar uniforms but sporting familiar hitai-ate. There's a whisper in his head, paradise denied, but death is in front of him and he can't waste time on regrets.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: omg Utakata and Haku making delicate icebubble art pieces in the winter and Zabuza scoffs at them but he still sits and watches them put the pieces together and even volunteers kubikiribocho sometimes because that hole at the end is a pretty good bubble ring.

The Inquisitor is an Avvar. Dorian tries to be understanding and make allowances for cultural differences. In hindsight, that was possibly his first mistake.

Jason Todd isn't what Batman made him, he isn't what the Joker made him, he isn't what the League of Assassins made him, and he isn't what the Lazarus Pit made him. He's his own person and he's taking himself back, one home renovation at a time. Also he might just make friends with the people who are supposed to be his brothers while he's at it.

What's left of the little eggplant is a half-empty packet of cigarettes and a bloodied tie.

…as witnessed, told, and suffered through by the Bravest Warrior of the Sea, Usopp. Sanji loves Zoro. Zoro loves Sanji. They are also, somehow, obliviously, infuriatingly, in an unrequited love with each other. Usopp thinks he can do something about it. He really should have had more self-preservation instinct than that.

Zoro gets lost, Sanji gets captured by the marines, the Strawhats break into the ship's prison, and they all escape with a bang. Not exactly in that order, much to the confusion of Sanji's cellmates.

Sanji is carefully placing a cherry on top of the ice cream, his hands nimble, soft, almost—gentle. But all Zoro sees is the way the hems of his pants are still soaked in blood from an earlier skirmish with a marine ship, red seeping into the cracks on the floorboard, spattering across the kitchen floor in a slow drip, drip, drip. Zoro stares, fascinated. He can’t bring himself to look away. (Or, Zoro and Sanji—terrible monsters, in love)

The sign, standing unassuming outside the Grand Line Coffee Shop in a handwriting Sanji recognizes as Usopp’s, says: TODAY YOUR BARISTA IS: 1. Hella fucking gay. 2. Desperately single. FOR YOUR DRINK TODAY I’D RECOMMEND: You give me your number. Or, the one coffee shop au where Usopp pulls a prank, Sanji is unexpectedly (read: completely unexpected to him and only him) popular among the male population of their campus, and Zoro just wants to grab a coffee.

Sanji doesn't think much will come out of his one-sided crush on the green-haired tiger. After all, he's only seen him a handful of times. At least, until they become roommates.

No one ever said that pirates fight fair, but if someone bites you in a fight then it's perfectly reasonable to bite them back. Sanji has to learn that life isn't fair and nothing else is either but that bad jokes and falling in love certainly makes unlife worth living. Zosan/Sanzo tw:blood and blood drinking

Jaime's secret identity is pretty easily shared. It's the other secret that gives him a lot of problems.

Look, Jason knows how to use condoms. This is not his responsibility.

Okay, and that was why Bruce had sidekicks. It absolutely made a person feel better about all their shitty mistakes.

It was Cass who found him.

"Do I look like that much of a damsel in distress to you?"

Angry, traumatized girls. Let's give them more weapons.

Superhero or not, Jaime's boyfriend has to meet the parents.

When Tim Drake was 2 years old, his parents moved to Metropolis.

If Zoro had the conscience to do anything but pant hotly and swallow moans, he might have laughed at the smear of cream on the cook’s nose.

Dick Grayson gives shitty advice on how to go undercover as a hooker. Fortunately, Steph can do better.

In which Layla has a suggestion, and she, Will, and Warren finally get their collective act together.

The strap-on was Wade's idea in the first place.

This was written as a meme response to the prompt “Sokka and Zuko spend the entire fic arguing about what kind of sex is socially acceptable for them to have”. Yes, it is exactly as not-right as you think it is.

Erin Gilbert is not the first straight girl Jillian Holtzmann has ever fallen for. Here’s the thing: she’s good at patterns. She’s good at identifying patterns. Holtzmann isn't a mathematician but that doesn't mean she's not great at numbers and evaluating data and drawing a conclusion. She's a goddamn genius. This shit is easy in the way that people are difficult. Erin Gilbert is not the second or even the fifth straight girl Jillian’s ever fallen for, and it’s kind of getting to be a problem, except when she sees Dr Erin Gilbert, she thinks, maybe, this woman might be a statistical outlier. Nobody can wear that much tweed and be straight, surely. And she keeps trying, hopefully, to believe that, until the Kevin Crush makes it pretty fucking clear that it’s a losing bet. No big. Jillian is used to this, after all, and it’s totally definitely not going to be a problem at all.

Written for the prompt "validation". Cullen and Krem, sparring.

Ever since the day he met Jack Zimmermann, Shitty has seen it as his solemn duty to aggressively love him. (He just didn't know how aggressive the love Jack needed would be.)

Tim Drake’s snapchat is 90% him making Bruce Wayne do normal middle-class American things and filming the results.

He had a sniper rifle scoping the girl’s bright eyes and the guy’s smile.

In which Deadpool kidnaps Clint off a battlefield and takes him on a roadtrip. A shooting roadtrip. OK, fine. A shooting people roadtrip. Don't be so cranky about it.

After Dorian gets his soul marks, he mourns for the man he'll never have, this "Hissrad" whose name is on his body. When The Iron Bull gets his, he mourns, for the lack of name means that his soul mate has rejected him. This is the story of how they find each other.

Ed loses his virginity, and then his inhibitions. Roy loses his mind.

Five times Parker, Hardison, and Eliot lived out romcom tropes for a con, and one time they found themselves in one for real.

"The best advice comes from those who know who you are (who've walked this path before). Relena and her mother, in vignettes."

"Kel finds some boys picking on a dog."

Post Drum Island-Arc. Chopper likes everyone in his new herd. Although he's not quite so sure about Zoro, who smells like metal and blood.

In a world where everyone has a mark to identify their soulmate, Luffy is born without one. But that’s okay, because the future Pirate King doesn’t have time for boring mushy romance. His nakama, however, are another story.

In a world where Zoro isn't even a person any more can he ever be free or manage to do anything more than just survive? He should have known that he'd be bought eventually but this... isn't what he'd expected. Zosan, updated weekly. All comments, thoughts and wild-mass-guessings welcome!