“I’m…uh….a retired competitive figure skater?” he asks, his voice going higher with embarrassment. “And I…uh…got 2 golds in the Grand Prix…and 2 golds in Worlds….and maybe a silver in Pyeongchang?”

Tsuna and his guardians died in a blaze of glory. Then they woke up, slowly, one at a time, in a different world that was the same in all the ways that really mattered. Or the one where Tsuna and his guardians are reincarnated into the class below the Konoha rookie nine.

“No,” Obito says, flat and cold. It’s testament to how much she’s hardened over the last year that Hinata doesn’t even blink. She certainly doesn’t waver, feet planted firmly on the other side of the bed and eyes fixed on him. “Do you really think I would come to you if there was any other option?” she asks quietly.

“What do you mean, you’re related to the Nidaime?!” Izumo demands, hands flapping faintly like he can’t decide whether to strangle Kotetsu or flail.

It’s not his proudest moment, but Sakumo takes one look at the newest occupant of the gym and walks into a wall.

“It was science,” Tobirama huffs, turning his glare on Madara. “You left your DNA all over me, Uchiha. I was hardly about to pass up the opportunity.” Obito debates clamping his hands over his ears and humming loudly. He did not need to know that in any shape or form, oh god.

“He’s pretty, isn’t he?” Mito asks thoughtfully.

This is all massively troublesome, damn it, and Shikamaru only has himself to blame.

No one in their right minds would ever expect it of him, and that’s why he’s the one best-suited to the job.

Aka everyone is a superhero or a sidekick or a damsel in distress in true comic style. Includes terrible hero names, almost everyone wearing spandex (Sakumo why must you be sensible and break the mold you nerd), ridiculousness, secret identity fails, and all of my favorite crack pairings. I would be sorry, but that would require a sense of shame and I misplaced mine long ago.

Shisui is done. Gone. That’s it for him, he’s toast. (Or, Shisui is in love. Naruto is mostly oblivious. Everyone else is entirely convinced that Shisui is a creeper.)

The irresistible troll vs. the immovable hothead - fight!

tim drake’s snapchat is 90% him making bruce wayne do normal middle-class american things and filming the results.

The plan was simple, as good a plan as a clan of shipwreckers and bounty-hunters could ever come up with. Capture one of the weaker Straw Hats, the ones without bounties, and make them beg for mercy until the stronger ones surrendered. Nothing can possibly go wrong with such an easy, straightforward scheme. Time to make some money!

Nami's nakama were certifiable. Loony-bin material, every last one of them.

Adele has some questions about Xander and Xiang's relationship.

in which Tsukiyama is conned into having dinner with Hannibal and is delightfully surprised to find out that it is not in fact beef

If this airship lasts through one more round of Fire Country, it will be a miracle, Orochimaru thinks.

"Oh, fuck me," is the first thing Izuna says upon opening his eyes.

There's a man hiding in the eaves of his porch. Sakumo blinks, tips his head, but the image doesn’t change. A shinobi in a Konoha uniform has somehow managed to stuff himself into the corner of the roof, entirely out of sight from practically everywhere except the spot Sakumo is currently standing. "Can I help you?" he asks bemusedly.

FMA best case scenario. But the Elrics, even at peace and completely happy in themselves, are still kind of alarming to bystanders.

Once Edward became legal, the number of office outings to the pub went up exponentially. Possibly this was because Edward was really fun to take to a pub.

Riza takes such immense joy in ruining Roy's life that he can't even bring himself to begrudge her.

He was completely unfazed by Ryuji’s doubt. “I can be very charming,” Akira assured him magnanimously. “I’ll have you know I’m a man of many talents. I’m sure any number of my skills will help me win him over.” Ryuji raised a sardonic eyebrow at him. “‘Talents?’ What, you mean like breaking and entering, assault, and hostage negotiation?” A blank, glasses-blocked stare. “You don’t think those will help?”

In which Ryuji valiantly pretends he's not bi and none of his friends are hot.

“I think Keith gets so overenthusiastic about free muffins in the breakroom that he makes half the floor join him in song. I’m frankly terrified of how he’s going to tackle something where his dick may be involved. In a sexy way, I mean,” Zach clarifies. “The point of gay chicken is that it’s not sexy,” Eugene reminds them. “It’s awkward as shit for everyone until one person decides it’s just too awkward to continue.” “And you think Keith will hit that level of awkward before you do?” Ned asks skeptically. “Okay, dude, you keep telling yourself that.”

"That's fine, you can go back to your own ship," Luffy dismissed easily. "But later on, when I become Pirate King, we're getting married!" The declaration held the kind of absolute finality that only Luffy could be capable of, and Law felt his jaw drop. NOW COMPLETE :D

As a last resort, they finally send Mikoto to talk to her. Kushina's not impressed, even though she has to admire their tenacity. They’ve tried three different elders, the woman who works at the ramen stand she likes almost as much as Teuchi’s, and Fugaku. Apparently, after the utter failure of that last one, they're attempting to pull out all the stops.

Fate has always had a love-hate relationship with the members of Team 7, and Sai is just now realizing that's he's most definitely not exempt.

Piecing together the stories of the past from the things that were left behind is not always an easy task. Chapter 1 - In which historians really don't get it at all. Chapter 2 - In which Par Vollen releases some historical documents and the Dawnstone Dragon fandom goes wild. Chapter 3 - Political fallout, historical recipes, more on the Museum of Vashoth Culture's resident Simulacrum, and so on... Chapter 4 - In which Nigel makes a discovery.

Harmon knows how this goes. He's from Nevarra, and he's read books. Plural. If you want to fight a dragon you need to find a Kindly Mentor who can teach you all their Secret Strategies. So all he needs to do is find this old Tal-Vashoth dragonslayer his cousin keeps going on about, get him to teach Harmon about dragons, convince everyone else to go along with his dragon-hunting plans, fight a dragon, and win. Easy, right? Starring one cheerful qunari grandpa, one grumpy necromancer grandpa, and a bunch of Nevarran mercenaries who are about to have a very educational experience.

The Asgardians' ship stops for supplies. The price is not what Thor and Loki had expected; the aliens demand nothing less than a public royal fucking. Ok, it's not like it's the weirdest thing they've ever done.

"Seriously. How does this not bother you," Alec said, staring at the mirror as he tugged the hem of his primary-colored overtunic into place.

A podfic of "Greatly Approved" by damalur. "An apostate's guide to popular fiction. (Or: Hawke runs headlong into Cassandra's book club, Varric comes along for the ride.)"

For a prompt on my Tumblr: shisui trying very hard not to stare at utakata's chest and Those Pecs and Abs and Everything Hes Gorgeous Help and utakata mistaking it for being curious about his pipe and starts infodumping about his bubbles

AU where Buzzfeed still won’t give us the Unsolved merch we deserve, but this they at least do provide.

“-my mother was not Lyanna fucking Stark!” Jon exclaimed, before turning and kicking, vehemently at the sofa, enough to leave brown dustmarks on the purple cloth. He turned back to her, lifting a finger threateningly. “I don’t care what you say. But our father would never- never- sleep with his sister, in fact I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because guess what, Sansa? You should already know that!” [Sansa tries to tell Jon who his mother is. Jon thinks he’s an incest-baby. Which........ isn’t wrong.]

"Hey there, ghosts," Midoriya says, "it's me, ya boy." The dorms are haunted. Shenanigans ensue.

“So, how long have you and Shane been dating?” Jen asks. If Ryan had already taken a sip of his coffee, he would’ve done a spit take right now. Instead, he just sends her an incredulous look. “Shane and I are what?” Or, Ryan and Shane's life would be so much easier if they just talked to each other.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Your name is John Egbert and you know you are not a homosexual. Apparently your friends were informed otherwise.

The thing about Karkat Vantas is, he might be a pompous, noisy windbag with an inflated opinion of his own importance, and if he was suddenly struck down by some kind of vicious troll laryngitis the universe's total amount of chill and quiet would suddenly go up three levels... But turns out he's also a great fuck.

“Midoriya,” Aizawa said slowly as if the sound of his name alone took ten years off his life. “I’m going to need you to run that by me again.” “I said I need to punch Endeavor in the face.” “That’s what I thought you said.”

Lance and Keith had no idea what they were in for when Hunk joined them for an early-morning workout... AKA: Keith and Lance realize that they are both very gay, and that Hunk is very Hot

“You sure you want to do this?” Tōka asks, doesn’t let her gaze waver from the mercenary with a gun to her cousin’s head. Her own are completely steady, and she doesn’t miss a step as she turns, following the woman’s retreat deeper into the cave. “Sorry, Tōka,” Mito says, and the tone is light but there's a look in her eyes that Tōka is fairly sure is rueful. “I'm too pretty to stay in prison for the rest of my life."

oh my god I just read a post that was like “fuck this nonsense send MACE WINDU back in time to unfuck the prequels!!” and now I will never, ever be satisfied until I find the 300k version of that fic, ever. I NEED THIS FIC LIKE I NEED AIR. WHY IS THIS FIC NOT ALREADY IN MY HANDS??

Maybe getting dragged all the way from Wave to Konoha won't turn out to be such torture after all.

At the end of each school year, UA hires a consultant to evaluate the costumes the first year students designed for themselves, to make sure they are both aesthetically appropriate and safe to use. That consultant is Edna Mode. i.e. A story where Edna Mode comes to UA and gives costume advice to Class 1A. And she isn't afraid to call people out about their questionable choices.

Han Solo: Worst Omega Ever meeting Han Solo: Worst ALPHA Ever, of course, obviously that would have to happen. OBVIOUSLY. both Leias are doomed. and also inappropriately turned on. and also DOOMED. so I guess this is a Star Wars post now whoops.

' "What," Hinata says, "like you're suddenly going to become a kabedon master?" The idea itself is hilarious. Kageyama has all the timing and subtlety of a tyrannosaurus in a china shop. Hinata sees no reason to be wary. "We'll see," Kageyama says darkly. "We'll see." ' -- When Hinata introduces Kageyama to the concept of kabedon, he isn't expecting to create a monster. But all origin stories have humble (sometimes very humble) beginnings...