Lardo needs a plus-one for her friend's wedding. Shitty looks pretty good in a suit. What else is a bro going to do?

"Sometimes," Shitty says, and pauses, like he's collecting his thoughts. "Sometimes, I feel like I barely know you, Bitty." Includes baking about feelings, actually TALKING about feelings, learning to understand feelings, and sex. Betaed by the wonderful mardia, without whom this story would be missing important parts.

Shaundi's been looking for love her entire life and it's a painful sort of irony that a fucking sociopath has already found it.

After rescuing Shaundi from her ex-boyfriend, the teenaged Saints hide out in IHOP.

”So it is that ‘dead even’ means that two people or things aren’t just close in a competition. In fact, there is no way to separate them.” AKA, a competition in stamina. AKA AKA, shameless porn.

Makoto insists that it should hurt. Shouldn't it hurt? Companion piece to This Gentle Heart Will Mess You Up by Ad_Astra (permission granted).

It takes Stiles four days to notice something’s wrong. Well it’s not like jerking off three times a day is unusual behavior. The third day, he has his usual good morning session, comes straight home from Lacrosse and jerks off without even taking off his jeans because it’s laundry day tomorrow and it’s not like he’s got standards. And everyone jerks off last thing at night; it’s like a glass of warm milk for your dick. Stiles has been hit by a jerking off curse. He might not make it through May unscathed.

Obi-Wan is exhausted, drunk, and just about out of fucks to give.

Sidney grows up hearing about the types of soulbonds, and every time someone gets gushy about them Sid just rolls his eyes and goes back to whatever it was that he was doing. Does he want a bond? Yeah, of course, but - after hockey; only after hockey. Some of the guys are already bonded, and that’s awesome for them. Sid likes all of their bondmates, they’re all awesome. But for Sid, it’d just be something else to distract him from the game.

“So,” says a voice in his ear, “you must be some kind of, uh, pinball wizard, huh?” Alex jumps- being in solitary for three years has taken its toll on his reaction time. “Nah, I’ve only been playing for like two- wait, what?” Because Alex has traced the writing on his hip for five years now, the writing that in large, perfect loops, says exactly what this man has just said to him. It’s just perfect, isn’t it, that not two hours after he plays pinball for the first time he meets his fucking soulmate.

Steve discovers a secret simulation on the game server.

Professor X and Magneto have a few additional instructions for Logan, as long as, you know, he's going to be back in time. (I'm sorry, this is total crack.)

“I have an – interest – in Peter Maximoff,” Erik said, somewhat grudgingly, glaring. “A – familial – interest –” Everybody stared at him. “In that – mutantkind is one – large – family –” Erik said valiantly, if pathetically. “Oh, shit,” Alex said. “No way. No way.”

"I can be anyone you want," He'd said, a little too quickly, a little too flatly. "I can be anything you want-" It was, Hawkeye decided, the least enthusiastic proposition she had ever received.

'Zelena had said that if they did not obey her, if they betrayed her, she would kill their child. But there is no force in this or any other realm greater than love- And Mulan finds him first.' In which Mulan goes to extraordinary lengths to protect Aurora's child and falls in love along the way.

The further from the ice, from waking up sixty-seven years in the future he gets, the stronger the cold black burn of drowning in the Antarctic waters preys on his mind.

The further adventures of Sidney Crosby, Professional Troll, as told by Beau Bennett. A sequel of sorts to Drop it Low, but it also stands alone.

In which Sidney Crosby discovers twerking and decides it'd be a good idea to add it to the Penguins' workout routine, and Paulie knows exactly who to blame.

Most people would've recognized Hiei's expression as the usual "walking on eggshells" look he got when facing Yukina. Yukina, however, could tell that the slightly wild look in his eyes was edging towards "leap into the rafters and escape through the roof".

So, er, I sorta was choking on the subtext of a scene in GO6. Asuka suggested writing a bit that went lemony and could be cut, so I could finish the actual scene without my muse making rude comments every other word.

Archimedes said, "Give me a place to stand and with a lever I will move the whole world." That's nothing on what Nick Fury can do with a little ... leverage.

The original con artist stops by for a consultation at Bridgeport Brewpub.

"Can I? Can I? Who do you think you're talking to?"

Trying to figure it all out had been a pain in Eliot's occasionally scaly ass.

"Nate sent me to my room again, remember?" Eliot replied dryly.

She was like Parker. Only deadlier. And even more broken.

"I'm sure," Mia confirmed, then bit her lip. "I'm still me, Brian. Just with a few extra modifications."

"It's a perfectly valid erotic identity, Shawn!"

"Oh god," Pepper says. "Are you kidding me?"

They don't meet again until after they're both superheroes.

Alec wants something, but he's not sure what it is. Eliot figures it out.

While he's waiting for the men with the guns to decide what to do with him, Alec thinks about what he'll do if he gets home.

Eliot watches, fascinated, as Hardison brings the joint to his lips and inhales, making the lit end burn bright and cherry-red for several long seconds.

written for the 2011 Female Character Trope Fest. Prompt: "undercover in a lesbian bar."

Like any good friend would, Souji helps Yosuke crossdress.

The world had a strange layered look to it, a mirage of desert sands mixing with black storm clouds boiling over a sprawling metropolitan seaport. It also, and this was what had screamed at Sora's heart so that he'd nearly blown out the Gummi ship's rockets racing here, was starting to crack at the seams.

Kurama shrugged. Technically speaking, he'd had full functionality since he was ten, enough youki permeating the cells to allow him to use said youki as well as he had as a youko. And with Suzuki's potion boosting the process, he'd been able to shift to his half-human form several years early. Now, though, his youki had infiltrated right down to the DNA, and he should be able to shift to a full fox. Finally.

Yukina put her fork down and said, "I need a job."

All things considered, he was fortunate not to have been shot through the wall in the corridor and out of the building entirely. Kurama's sides shook with a few last paroxysms of humour. Oh, dear. That could have been more tactful.

Every soldier has his last battle. [EreRi if you squint]

Only Severus sees what's really going on here.

In which Levi seems determined to spoil Eren rotten, whether he likes it or not. (For the record, Eren hadn't expected his confession to lead to this sort of thing at all).

Tonight she keeps a close eye on him. His face is bright with an harsh kind of mania. "Go to sleep, Eren," she says, after a while. There are smears of sleepless black beneath his eyes. He shakes his head, a book in his hands.

In which Kanji realizes that maybe his senpai aren't as clever as he first thought they were.

Letting their guard down inside the TV was a stupid move, and now Souji has to try get things under control while Yosuke deals with the effects of a Shadow's new attack.

The SNK characters' happy reincarnated life is rudely interrupted by kaiju marching out of the Pacific. They are 100% done with this crap.

Remus had the Dursleys whacked. Tactfully, of course, and well after Harry left the house.

Yosuke and Kanji defend Souji's honor because it turns out none of them are very popular.

The way I saw it, I had two options for this. One is the one where Hardison is a reincarnated space prince, Eliot is the rollerblading space werewolf sent for him, and Parker is a bounty hunter and they all end up teaming up. The other is, well …

Left to his own devices, Jack wouldn’t ever choose texting as a form of communication.