Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

This time instead of DMing while intoxicated Jim decides to make a call. Drunk conversation/teasing turns into ~more.

PROMPT: I just really want to see a His Dark Materials inspired fic where Tony and only Tony can see people's daemons. So, every human has one, but are completely unaware of their existence. And Tony's always been able to see them. When he was a kid it was written off as having a lot of imaginary pets/friends, but he never grew out of seeing them. And maybe he wrote it off as being partially cracked for a while, but Tony's still a scientist at heart and he's figured out how all these not-quite real animals relate to the people they follow, and uses that information to his advantage. All the time. Mostly to pick out the quickest and easiest way to piss someone off enough that they leave him alone. So, maybe Tony's kind of a spazzy genius trope because he's paying more attention to the daemons than the people in his life. And that's been fine for ages because he doesn't have to deal with a lot of people up close and personal, but now that he's an Avenger, that's changing. I have no preferences for everyone's daemons, but I do imagine Nick Fury's to be the world's most intimidating Great Horned Owl. Also, Thor does not have a daemon, which freaks Tony out to the extreme.

After the fighting is over, then come the hot baths, ice packs, resurrection from the dead, political maneuvering, and happy endings (not like that, Tony).

Millionaire playboy Tony Stark needs horse riding lessons. His two instructors are more than willing to give him other lessons, too.

There’s a plan already forming in the back of Tony’s mind and he knows it’s teasing, but it’s not an opportunity he can willingly pass up. Sequel to Fuck Me Heels. Enjoy guys!

Tony finds the heels in the back of his closet, hidden away in a white, pristine box. And then he gets ideas.

Alright, look, confession - Tony has been masturbating to Captain America since he was thirteen.

So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year. It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart. There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...

In which the Avengers Tower is rebuilt, Tony attempts matchmaking, Natasha is scary, and Pepper may have ulterior motives. Also, there is Asgardian mead, which might be a problem.

Tony struggles to deal with his synaesthesia most of his adult life. Can he ever find somebody who understands what he’s dealing with?

PROMPT: I think part of the reason anyone under Loki's control, Clint especially, looked so exhausted is because they were not allowed to sleep. Natasha told Clint it would take time for him to level out but even a couple of months after he hasn't. He hasn't been able to sleep and the rest of the team is starting to notice.

"Look I know this is like, prize-winning science fair shit, and I'm sure you're in fucking freak heaven or whatever, but I need you to focus on me for like, two seconds, and reach into the hole in my chest, and fix what's broken." And holy shit is that a metaphor. That is one goddamned beautiful metaphor.

Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn.

They were reunited a few days later in a hallway in SHIELD headquarters, outside an otherwise nondescript door that said Philip J. Coulson.

PROMPT: Loki had every intention of wreaking havoc upon Midgard the moment his suicide attempt had failed. Really. He'd planned on setting cities ablaze, smashing buildings, pillaging, all of that good stuff. Too bad he hadn't planned on the place being so FUN. Destroying City Hall? Maybe if he can squeeze it in between ikebana and his Thai cooking classes. Oh, he tries for the whole supervillain thing, but is it really his fault that he really likes going to yoga and hair products that don't require massive amounts of oils that leave him feeling greasy? Is it really his fault that manicures are so damn RELAXING and that those little Asian ladies in the salon are so charmingly adorable? Besides, his therapist says that all the rage is unhealthy. TL;DR Loki gets a therapist and finds Earth hobbies that he enjoys in between bothering his brother and his friends. SUPER BONUS: The Avengers get a petition pleading from the nail salon and his therapist and various instructors for them to please not kill him because he's a considerate customer and is actually a very nice young man.

PROMPT: Game of Thrones inspired prompt! *Spoilers for those who haven't seen the series* Loki as Daenerys and Thor as Drogo. I don't know... Loki is given to Thor by Laufey or his greedy brother's in order to gain Asgard's alliance or as a ploy and Loki's all angst and unhappy about it since he's nothing more then a thing to be sold and Thor's kind of a boar upon first impression. Thor turns out to be a great and protective husband though and Loki gains confidence and becomes a great and beloved and powerful leader in Asgard. Except there's like a way happier ending for our couple. The fic continues here: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3938.html?thread=14596194#t14596194

AU crossover. Tony Stark has known Charles Xavier since Tony was eight and Xavier was his Uncle Charles. Now that Tony’s all grown up, Charles vets his dates. Well, most of them. Except for the ones where Charles brings someone who should really be in jail, not a fancy restaurant.

Phil shouldn’t let it get to him, except that it does.

Tony isn’t paying a whole lot of attention when Barton appears in his lab.

It was Captain America. Captain. Freaking. America.

Phil takes three steps forward in 2012, trips, and tumbles to his hands and knees in 1969.

Or, The Avengers Tower Stitch & Bitch Club

He's been called a lot of names, but the one that stuck was Hawk.

When Thor fell, everything trembled.

Steve goes on a road trip to clear his head, but the other Avengers won't leave him alone.

Despite all appearances, Loki was quite good with children. Mostly his own, but other children too. Even if their parents disapproved. Crack one-shot, Avenger!Loki/Norse!Loki, no pairings. Complete.

They debriefed at Stark Towers. That should have been his first clue.

Behind the long line of locks, Bruce waits for a chance to escape. Collared, imprisoned, property of the army. Until Lord Mage Anthony Stark ... decides he's not having that. Fantasy AU.

For an LJ avengerkink prompt: Steve is very confused/weirded out by the distinct lack of pubic hair on modern women (or at least the women Tony has forcibly exposed him to). Sure he's a virgin, but he's seen naughty pictures/European burlesque shows. Therefore he's more than a little apprehensive when Natasha finally gets her panties off. Luckily she's a firm believer in giving her partners something to hold on to. Steve goes wild. +1 - it happens during group sexytimes and all the others stop what they're doing to watch Steve eat her out

"If I were Christian fucking Bale, or Jesus Christ help me, Clooney in the nipple suit, gearing up to play Bruce fictional fucking Wayne, he'd send me a fucking fictional helicopter."

[[... porn.]] Or, the one where Steve wants to talk to Tony about something important.

It's Go Time!

Tony Stark has faced kidnappers before. He may only be four years old, but his new friends are strong and brave, and together they can take on any monster…even the ones that come from within. And oddly enough, this is not an AU. Coulson probably wishes it were.

Fury temples his fingers together. “Tell me how this started?” Phil tries to give a reasonable report of today's incident. As he spent most of his day trying to keep grade-school aged versions of his team away from a team of gunmen, he has only limited success.

Steve had an ass like...it could make Tony write sonnets if he did that sort of thing, he was sure. Really bad ones, with phrases like "unyielding spheres of rapture," so it was a good thing he's no poet.

Clint and Coulson become sparring partners when it's clear Clint needs a new challenge. Clint is not prepared for the results.

Tony’s not going to deny that he’s ridiculously excited. Steve. In his bed. Naked. Everything is rainbows and nothing hurts.

The news report seems more interested in the argument between the team during the fight than the way they eventually won. And then it gets worse.

There it is, the word he's been trying harder than anything not to even think, and now that it's out there's no hiding from it. (aka the Angry Goat Noise remix; no spoilers for movie)

“We had sex,” Clint says, bluntly. “Collectively.” [Written for Porn Battle; Warnings apply]

They call him Hawkeye for more than just his eyesight and aim.

Darcy is maybe a little disappointed he didn't go for a dress. [Written for Porn Battle]

Darcy watches. It's kinda what she's being paid for. More or less. That and the coffee.

So I was on tvtropes and was reading the page for the Iron Man movies, and someone had put on there that Dummy was one of the first robots Tony had ever built. And I went back and watched those opening scenes again, when they’re doing that profile of Tony and mention him graduating from MIT at 17, and sure enough it’s Dummy that he’s pictured with in that magazine article. I don’t know how I missed it the first ten times I watched this movie. And then there go all my feels, because he might tell Dummy he’s useless all the time but he still kept him even though it’s been like 20 years since Tony built him and he’s had to have come up with a hundred better designs for him by now but he hasn’t scrapped him, just made various attachments for him so he can use him all the time, even for putting together his Iron Man suit. And then Dummy goes and saves his life. So yeah all my feels for Tony and his robots :’)

In which Clint takes a leap of faith in more ways than one.

Written for Cthonical, who was having a bit of a day yesterday. She asked for Guns and adrenaline-fueled post-danger fucking, possibly with a little blood and not waiting to get to a room.

In which Bruce is a badass, the team is surprised, and Tony approves.

The plane crash and subsequent ice might have killed him, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still around, haunting those he cares about. And since the only person who can see him is Tony Stark, death sure isn’t going to be boring.

Few people ever see inside Tony Stark; fewer can stomach what they find; next to no one claims to still like him afterwards. So Tony hides, closing all the doors and battening down the hatches, using charm and confidence as armor when he's not in the suit. To Tony's horror, Steve somehow manages to see inside him anyway.