"Um. I don't know if you noticed, but sometimes I make bad choices about who to trust." Crow tipped his head neutrally. "So that's not my job anymore," Patrick said. "The making choices part. I still do the trusting part. I'm good at that." Or, as described by Petra, the story where Kaner is "like a therapy puppy on a leash, humping people's legs an making them smile."

Tam Lin, if there was hockey, sad Geno, and Sidney Crosby.

You're supposed to know if you're a top or a sub by the time you're twelve. Fourteen at the outside. It's biological, the researchers say. It's not a choice. But sometimes Jon thinks that for him, it really was.

See title.

this is the year he has to turn it around. (or, how kaner's mother prompted him to grow up and how he set some rules for himself.)

There are plenty of people in the world who are better at sex than Sidney, basically everybody who's tried to do it more than three times and got past handjobs, so when he decides he needs some help, he seeks out experts--or rather, sexperts.

Geno had arrived in Pittsburgh looking every minute of the nineteen hour flight from Helsinki, plus however long he’d been in transit between there and his run from the KHL. Sid had been standing next to Mario, watching the new arrival expectantly, even though he didn’t think Geno was a threat. The other wolf had spent too much time negotiating on his own behalf to be allowed into another pack’s territory, and even more to be allowed to play with the team. But all the same, new wolves made Sidney antsy.

Patrick Kane has soft hands.

Jeff runs away from Toronto and finds himself homeless in Raleigh, where he accidentally starts serving eggs to Eric Staal.

Ringing the changes on phone sex.

Kaner wakes up soulbonded to Tazer. Then gay shit happens

sometimes you have to go down before you can go out.

Patrick Kane tries to give a St. Crispin's Day speech and ends up as Falstaff. Sort of.

The first time I met Jonathan Toews, he let a door close in my face. Not one of those metaphorical doors that get shut ‘cause I’m a girl in the NHL, but a literal door.

what it says on the tin

This was going to mess with his game

“Patrick wonders idly what Toews' daemon is; something like a python, maybe, or a bird of prey. It would just figure if it were a hawk, Patrick thinks in disgust; he's already starting to hate Toews a little so he tries to dial it back. Then he notices a big cat—some kind of, like, mountain lion—sitting well apart from the other daemons. It's watching the ice intently, and if Patrick had anyone to bet with, he knows where he'd put his money.”

It's one thing to know that Kaner and Tazer are weird about each other, and another thing to actually see it. (or: several people who unfortunately had to interact with them, and one time they got to be alone).

Sidney’s wedding day doesn’t go quite as he’d planned. When he’d bothered to imagine it at all, he’d thought of a nice June wedding in Nova Scotia, outdoors with the sun streaming down. He hadn’t imagined this hurried affair on the tarmac on a rainy and unseasonably cool day in early September, a month after his twenty-fifth birthday.

"When were you going to tell us that you are planning on moving in with a boy?" Mom demands, and Taylor frowns. "I don't know, eventually?" she says. "And I'm not moving in with a boy, I'm moving in with Ebs."

Sidney Crosby gets hit on the head and wakes up with extra memories.

Patrick sighs and sinks further in his seat. “So I was playing truth or dare with my sisters the other day,” he says, eyeing Johnny challengingly like he’s daring him to make something of it. Johnny’s mouth twitches, but he keeps his smile tamped down for now; if Patrick’s giving Johnny an opening like that to make fun of him, then that means there’s something even better coming. “Uh-huh,” he says, makes a go on motion.

In an alternate universe where everyone is either a Dom, a Switch, or a sub, the NHL is one of the few major sports that allows co-dynamic teams. Sidney Crosby, Patrick Kane, and the other hockey-playing subs are happy of this fact, but dealing with the stress of being a professional hockey player on top of the stress of being a sub in a Dom-dominated world brings more complications then most of them expected.

Jonny reads. Jonny reads plenty. Jonny is college educated (sort of) and Sharpy can suck his dick, because he reads all the fucking time, okay. Except, see, he sort of doesn’t, and then Sharpy challenged him to a book club, and how do you even do that, book clubs aren’t supposed to have winners, but apparently the Blackhawks Book Club will, and PR is trying to make a thing out of it to encourage literacy and promote the library system in the city or something, so the whole team and a lot of the staff have to go find and read this book, and basically what all this means is that it’s a week before Christmas and Jonathan Toews is grumbling to himself and scowling at a shelf in the library like he wants it to be set on fire, because the shelf is missing the book he’s supposed to be reading for this stupid club that he is going to win. “Can I help you find something?” someone asks, and Jonny jumps.

After one scandal too many, Patrick Kane gets traded. Eventually it stops being the worst thing to ever happen to him.

Kaner the English Lit major AU.

Stiles wants to win for America, okay? He wants to bone that constipated expression off of Derek Hale’s face on a bed strewn with American flags while Bruce Springsteen plays in the background and a bald eagle watches through the window with a single tear rolling down its cheek.

“I can’t,” Patrick says. “Not tonight.”

Of all the things Sid expects to see Geno doing when he walks into his house, it certainly isn’t sitting on his couch knitting. (Or; the one where Geno is a secret stress knitter.)

You're supposed to know if you're a top or a sub by the time you're twelve. Fourteen at the outside. It's biological, the researchers say. It's not a choice. But sometimes Jon thinks that for him, it really was.

Being an agreement between one Sidney Patrick Crosby and one Jonathan Bryan Toews regarding the terms of their "friendship."

Mix the softened butter and peanut butter together until thoroughly blended. Add the sugars and beat until smooth. Next beat in the egg, honey, vanilla, and yogurt until combined. Add the dry ingredients slowly and beat on low-speed just until combined. Gently stir in the chocolate chips. Chill dough in refrigerator for at least 30 minutes-1 hour, or place in freezer for 20 minutes. Kaner, hockey player by day, baker...when he can.

The one where a bunch of Blackhawks inexplicably go to boarding school, Tazer is the world's meanest DM, and Pat doesn't know why anyone would think cutting the head off a hydra was good idea.

Oshie really wants Kaner to measure Jonny's dick.

I said, will you marry me?

"Come on! Do him for America, Chuey!" Hilary yelled.

five times Patrick Kane unsuccessfully flirted with other Olympic athletes, and one time he didn't get shot down. with Kane being cheesy and persistent but not creepy or coercive? het and/or slash bonus points for Kaner trying to flirt with both Lamoureux sisters (either separately or together) and crashing and burning miserably :P

"I bet you a hundred bucks," Sharpy says, gesturing with his drink to punctuate how very serious he is about this suggestion, "that I can pick up the next person who walks in that door before you can." Duncan Keith probably shouldn't have taken that bet.

Jonathan finds the boy along the outskirts of a town market, chained to a post. There's a bronze armband clasped tightly on his forearm, winding around it like a snake, and he stares sullenly at the ground, heedless of Jonathan's gaze, while his toe traces patterns in the dust. "I want him," Jonathan says to the vendor, pointing. That's a lie.

"Looks like you boys had a very affectionate celebration this year, eh?" Wiedeman says as the video ends. Jonathan lifts his head from its protective refuge, spreads his arms out wide. This, at least, he can deal with. "What can I say? I love my team."

Or, Jonathan Toews' neck is a slut.

The one where Jonny plays for the Blues, Patrick plays for the Hawks, and they soulbond.

He promised Oshie he would make the fucking audition tape, so he did. And against all fucking odds, he got a callback from a woman who sounded like even she couldn’t believe she was making the call. Because that’s Jonny’s life now. or, a Bachelor AU, where film star Patrick Kane is going on 88 Dates and Jonny goes on more than a few of them.

There's a curse mark on the back of Sidney's neck.

Kaner kicks off his twenty-eighth birthday party with an exponential crisis. Jonny frowns at him. “You’re having a crisis of ever-more-rapidly-increasing numbers?”

Pat's relationship with the media has been fraught since she was drafted, second round, home to Buffalo. Her relationship with her new Captain, when she eventually winds up in Chicago a couple of years later, doesn't start off a whole lot better. But by the time she's flying back from Biel, she's willing to admit that she had missed their thing just a little, weird as he's always been around her.

When Patrick met Jonny for the first time, it was because they'd both just been picked for the same hockey team. When Patrick netted his first goal during practice, Jonny skated over to give him a congratulatory hug and, well, it's not like he didn't sometimes shift on accident, when he was excited or happy, but it hadn't happened at practice in ages.

"Sid," Geno said, jogging down the stairs two days later. "You not like jizz. Is like shoes thing, or like chunky peanut butter thing?" Sidney had strong feelings about his shoes, but he grudgingly acknowledged that manufacturers continued to issue updated models every few months, so his running shoes were never quite the same even though he always bought the same brand and style. Chunky peanut butter, on the other hand, was inviolate. You did not fuck with the chunky peanut butter. Or, as I titled the document, Jizz: a love story.

Honestly, Pat isn't sure how they got here. He's had a lot to drink, and they've been engaged in about four hours of what was Mario Kart war but turned into an epic Smash Bros. tournament, and somewhere along the way bets that required badges of honour were made, except instead of badges of honour somebody—okay, probably Pat—decided they were to be badges of shame, and somebody—again, probably Pat—decided the winner got to mark the loser so everybody could heckle him until it faded.

Honestly, Pat isn't sure how they got here. He's had a lot to drink, and they've been engaged in about four hours of what was Mario Kart war but turned into an epic Smash Bros. tournament, and somewhere along the way bets that required badges of honour were made, except instead of badges of honour somebody—okay, probably Pat—decided they were to be badges of shame, and somebody—again, probably Pat—decided the winner got to mark the loser so everybody could heckle him until it faded.