“This is a vagina,” Sasha says, sounding vaguely confused and Connie grits his teeth, shifts his hips away slightly because he’s fucked it up, hasn’t he, he got too into it and now he’s fucked it up – “Yeah,” Connie mutters.

A collection of my shorter fills for snk-kink on dreamwidth. Mostly gen humor. Mostly.

Armin can be kind. People always tend to make the mistake of assuming that makes him nice, and he can’t help but feel that mistake clanging dissonantly in his chest as he sprints down the last living member of his squad, blade already in hand, Eren’s sloppy chewing noises behind him.

Sometimes Darcy thinks life would be much easier if her grandfather weren't a homicidal terrorist with metal-bending powers.

“Your first mistake,” John says smoothly, “was calling yourself Moriarty. It got my attention.” In which Jim is not, in fact, Moriarty.

Looking at the contemplative expression on Lucifer's face, Sam thinks that this has the potential to be either very bad, or completely awesome. Two humans and two archangels in the Cage.

Lucifer's cage is kind of cramped quarters.

"Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you." Dean and Castiel finally have that conversation.

And how things could have gone differently.

Sam smiles, bright and luminous. "An angel's Grace isn't just power, Dean. It's a part of their soul." An AU 'verse that takes place after episode 5.22.

Two hundred years ago the Winchesters stopped the apocalypse. Now, instead of getting into fights and running amok, eighteen year old Jim Kirk goes to live with his Auntie Sam and learns the family business. Four years later, an angel shows up.

"I asked you if you needed to hit me again. Because. In court, you said Sir, you said that you were going to." Levi blinked at him. He'd only told Eren he'd missed a spot.

Mulan is a Resident Assistant on a dormitory floor at a college. Gosh, some of the students on her floor come from really screwed-up families.

They're monsters, but what better to hunt a monster than another? A tale of two ANBU: otherwise known as the life and times of Hound, the Hokage's ever-loyal dog, aka Hatake Kakashi, and Owl, the hunter that flies on silent, deadly wings, aka Umino Iruka

Flashes of an unknown past haunt Naruto, entwining his steps with those of a former life no longer content to stay forgotten. There's a voice on the wind and another lifetime in his head, and it’s time for Uzushio’s Storm God to rise once more. (The soul of a city is a hard thing to kill. Uzushio is still aware, still waiting. And now, with the rebirth of her greatest Kage, it’s time to call her people home.)

When Kakashi first began to see people's souls manifested as animals, he naturally assumed he had lost his mind. (Using HDM themes, but not a true crossover.)

Erwin believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that Levi had climbed that wall.

Erwin believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that Levi had climbed that wall.

It’s not like he lives his entire life with his bottom half a writhing mass of tentacles instead of legs, but about every ten days he has to spend at least eight hours soaking in a tub of water.

Kakashi is like a stray cat, and Iruka knows damn well that he shouldn't feed Kakashi if he doesn't want Kakashi to keep coming around.

"Well, you're a werewolf," Stiles says. Kevin has always had a pretty good poker face, but Stiles takes him completely by surprise, enough that there's a tell-tale pause that lasts a beat too long for the, "No I'm not," to be believed.

The whole thing starts with Stiles' naked body, which is, apparently, "perfect."

“Oh. Well, okay.” A voice rings out behind Erwin, and he freezes, despair coiling in his gut because this is the end, he’s been seen and he’ll be captured and experimented on and it’s five in the goddamn morning, who else is in the showers? He chose this time specifically because no one else is ever in the showers at five in the fucking morning. (Or: Erwin has wings and Hanji walks in on him naked.)

Stiles didn't choose to give his life to the unicorns, not really; they were the ones who chose him. He didn't understand, then, what it was they were taking from him.

In the end, it's only Lydia and Stiles left. Alone and desperate, oh so desperate. Desperate times and desperate measures and all that, but emphasis on the times. With nothing else left to lose, they find a way to change it all. And Stiles may just figure out the key to stopping everything that ever went wrong - well, from Peter onwards. Because he's older and wiser (sort-of) and beginning to understand in a way that he never did before. After all, the strength of the wolf is the pack, right?

What difference can one man make? After Madara and Sasuke's final attack on the village, Rokudaime Kakashi finds a time-travel scroll. Now he's Team Seven's sensei again. And this time, he's going to do things differently. Time travel fic.

In the AU where Jamie and Grant are both Sentinels. Or IS IT an AU?

The Fourth Hokage left a behind a legacy, a cruel burden that would change the fate of a world. It should have gone to a hero, a champion who could mend the broken and save the hopeless. Instead it fell on Haruno Sakura. Good thing she'll have some help.

“Oh,” she says, white hands clenched into tight fists. “I’m-- I was your student. Haruno Sakura.” Kakashi tilts his head, gray eye analyzing her carefully for tells. He finds nothing. “I’ve never seen you before in my life,” he says flatly. (Kakashi wakes up fourteen years old.)

In the wake of Lisanna's death, Mirajane readjusts her relationship to her magic — and her relationship to Erza.

Stiles is ten when he saves the Hales from their burning home and Derek from a wolfsbane bullet, and this establishes a pattern that seem to continue indefinitely. "Then he's facing a burning home, and he wraps the hood of his sweatshirt around his mouth before he pushes the door open and steps inside. There's Mr. Hale asleep - he hopes asleep - on the couch, next to - Stiles thinks that's his brother but there are so many Hales, who can keep track. He rushes over and starts shaking him, can see the rise and fall of the man's chest so he knows he's alive, but he's not waking up. He shoves away his hood so he can shout, "Mr. Hale! You have to get up, there's a fire! Mr. Hale, get up!" Nothing, he's not even twitching, both of them taking in deep even breaths like they're having the most peaceful of rests, and Stiles is going to cry. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" There's a moment, where all Stiles can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and not the roar of the flames or the creak of wood, then with a violent, silent pop it's all back and both of the men are gasping awake, eyes open and jumping to their feet. "

The werewolf AU both CourtneyMichelleLoves and Anon asked for. I hope it loved up to expectations.

Written during my lunch break for my Beta Sam who asked for: Brian/Dom help Jesse calm down on one of his ‘off’ days.

Leverage, Eliot and any, real men wear pink

he first question to ask any runner: 'Are you running from, or toward?' Or: The life of a girl named Brian.

Re-Entry is an alternate universe epic that spans time and possibility. Obi-Wan Kenobi, while still a young Padawan, suffers an injury and wakes up with all of the memories, experience, training, and Force-strength of Old Ben Kenobi. It isn't long before the Jedi discover that Anakin Skywalker, a five-year-old slave from the Outer Rim, has undergone the exact same change. Obi-Wan and Anakin bear the scars of harsh lessons learned; those who love them must learn those lessons quickly, before the mistakes of old are repeated.

"Around the time that Glinda first hears Elphaba's song sung around the palace, she starts having dreams of Elphaba."

When Mikasa was still young enough to be carried everywhere she went, her mother would clasp her tight and spin them in slow, gentle circles, while her father hummed a gentle tune that she would later forget. When she was six, she watched her father take her mother in his arms and swing them around the garden, their legs somehow tangling without tripping, heads thrown back in laughter, and she clapped along with the rhythm of their footsteps. And when she was nine, a boy with a knife showed her a different kind of dance altogether.

“We weren’t going to get out of the car,” Stiles says again, and big fucking help that is now, with Scott’s side shredded by a fucking sabre-tooth tiger or whatever. “Just tell me what happened,” his Dad says.

There are many things on Jack's mind. Namely: hockey, hockey, Bitty, hockey, anxiety, hockey, hockey, anxiety, Bitty, hockey, hockey, anxiety, and hockey.

"Dude," said Holster, his eyes huge, "that's so sad. We gotta get them together." "This isn't a romcom, Holtzy, " Ransom said, patting his arm. "I'm sure that's not what Shitty had in mind." "Actually," said Shitty, "that's exactly what I had in mind. And I've got a plan."

Honor among thieves, or something close enough.

Considering that he had picked up what was probably a Sith artifact, promptly passed out in the middle of a war zone, and apparently woken up twenty years in the future with Obi-Wan having taken up residence in his head, Anakin thought he was entitled to have a few questions.

He fights alone for what the rest of humanity has forgotten, and doesn't even know to ask.

It turns out that when you're almost constantly on the move, monitoring your birth control can prove to be challenging. It could happen to anyone, right? (Begins after the end of Fast Five, no spoilers for Fast and Furious Six.)

"The first question to ask any runner: 'Are you running from, or toward?' Or: The life of a girl named Brian."

What it says on the tin. That is all.

Antoine went to SHIELD Academy, he’s worked on various teams, and everyone he worked with was kind of similar. Okay, with hindsight they were possibly all HYDRA, but he knew pretty much what to expect from them. This team are a deeply disconcerting mixture of oversharingly friendly and actively hostile, often in the same sentence, and they’re buzzing around like Disney characters trying to build a new SHIELD in what is basically an aircraft hanger with vending machines with a handful of people like it’s not a semi-impossible task, like half the world doesn’t hate their guts right now.

"We should talk about Eliot," Alec says, at the same time Parker says, "We should have sex in a hammock."