Stiles wants to win for America, okay? He wants to bone that constipated expression off of Derek Hale’s face on a bed strewn with American flags while Bruce Springsteen plays in the background and a bald eagle watches through the window with a single tear rolling down its cheek.

You try to dress nice. How do you dress nice for a sex club? You have no fucking idea. But you've got the greaser cool guy look down pretty good, and you think it works for you. You wear your tightest t-shirt. You spend like fifteen minutes in front of the bedroom mirror trying to decide which pair of jeans is the most flattering for your glutes. This is your chance.

No SGRUB AU, post successful coup, following Eridan Ampora's attempts to make up for being "The Greatest Douchecanoe In The Galaxy" as he finds himself stuck with a bunch of midbloods and fighting to survive such odds as "Oh Shit, It's Drone Season And I Ain't Got Neither A Matesprit Nor A Kismesis". Featuring Karkat "Fix Your Fucking Shit Before I Fix It For You" Vantas reprising his role of the scariest motherfucker this side of the galaxy. Also gills, piercings, and piercings in gills. Also, also sex.

In which Will doesn’t care that his parents don’t trust Warren because of his father’s crimes, Baron Battle escapes, and things get worse before they get better.

How had you never noticed how lovely Karkat looked when he was all good and pissed off? With that intense scowl on his face and bared teeth and irritatingly loud voice.

Homo sapiens domesticus Humans (Homo sapiens domesticus) are short-lived primates of the family Hominidae, and the only existant species of the genus Homo. They originated in Africa, and spread to other continents of planet Earth within a megavorn. While fractious and warlike in their wild state, they are easily trained to a useful function.

After being tortured by a group of hunters, Derek goes into heat. Stiles helps him through it. Written for the 24-hour porn challenge community, Stop, Drop, and Howl.

After Sam gets kicked out of the dorms, he has to call his parents with the bad news. Fortunately, his car answers the phone instead . . .

Show of hands, who didn’t read it as a porn prompt? anyone? anyone? bueller? Contains sort-of-public sex, oral and penetrative sex, some slurry retention.

Every year I do a post of all the bits of fic I couldn't find a place for. Some stand alone pretty well; most are just starts I don't have the interest or energy to finish.

If Derek’s life were a romantic comedy—which it’s really, really not, what with all the murder, mayhem, and supernatural elements—it would inevitably feature the moment when Erica brings Stiles home and he and sees, for the first time ever, not a gawky, uncoordinated teenager with a penchant for graphic tees and plaid, but a young man, taller than Derek now, with broad shoulders and large, capable hands that finally match the rest of him. Stiles would be walking down a staircase in slow-motion and Derek would feel the world tilt on its axis while his entire perspective on life underwent a paradigm shift. Stiles would be looking at something or someone else, and he’d laugh before his gaze shifted back to Derek and when their eyes met, it would feel like being struck by lightning. Like getting hit by the thunderbolt.

Six months after Derek and Cora leave Beacon Hills, Stiles gets a text from Cora – they’re in trouble and need help. Turns out that Derek is being wooed by a neighboring pack. The Alpha remembers his mother fondly and would love to have a Hale in her pack. Especially if that means she might breed in the ability to change into a full wolf. And she’s not taking ‘no’ for an answer, even when Derek lies and tells her that he already has a mate. Except Derek didn’t lie. When Stiles shows up to help with the emergency, he inadvertently discovers that he is Derek’s mate. Stiles tries not to think about it (he knows that the mate bond isn’t written in stone, just look at Scott and Allison) as he (and Lydia, and Deaton) research mates and the challenges to the mate bond (because, of course there’s a ritual for that) and try to keep the Alpha of the Palmer pack from discovering Stiles’ connection to Derek. Throw in the monkey wrench of Peter showing up, and Stiles starting to have feelings, and Derek sometimes looking at him like . . . Stiles doesn’t know, but he doesn’t hate it, and things begin to get a little bit complicated.

Steve Rogers discovers the Grinch, but he already knew Dr. Seuss...

In which Tony Stark is training John Sheppard for another mouthy scientist, far in his future.

Othercat’s Prompt: In Which an Alien Wage Slave With Few Prospects for Advancement Becomes Entangled in a Feud With a Heretical Young Legislacerator and the Newly Enthroned Grand Highblood, Featuring Xenosexual Relationships, Flipped Tables, Graphic Caliginous Flirtation, Unsuccessful Auspistizing, Threesomes, Chucklevoodoos and Subversive Humor. Ashen Davec3

Even when Phil Coulson was doing something ridiculously, embarrassingly, crushingly human, he was still a flawless, seamless black box of a spook.

waking up to ash and dust: Eliot doesn't like hospitals. There are a few reasons for that. like you know i am better than the worst thing i ever did: “I’m goin’ to die for them,” he says to Sophie, before he ever says it to Nate, and it is not a simple statement of fact but a barebones confession, the helpless bleeding of a wound that he was too smart to not know had been made but he’d been putting pressure of for years, hoping that with spit and a prayer that he could make it heal, but he never could, isn’t sure that the stitches that could close that wound have even been invented. “Yes,” she says, “And how long have you known that?”

When Clint Barton put on the Captain America costume for a mission, he didn't count on Phil Coulson's reaction. Coulson didn't count on Clint crashing his new team to do something about it.

Stiles dates a sex demon. Derek doesn't approve. It all goes about as well as expected.

The prompt was that Bumblebee was the resident pleasure bot for the Autobots.

Dirrck gets sent a link to "Part Eight of Proper Helmsman Maintenance: Genetic Material Collection", an instructional video which may or may not star his ancestor and the legendary Psiioniic. He watches the video.

Stiles Stilinski is five-feet-eight-inches of sarcasm and unbridled nerves, with a mess of uneven curls, and delicate, unusual features, and she’s lanky and clumsy and always has bruised elbows, and she talks too much about too little, and she owns only one pair of battered sneakers for feet too big to really be graceful, and her car is horrific, her driving even worse - she's seventeen and awkward and wild limbed, and she's the complete opposite of everything Lydia wants out of life. These are the moments Lydia falls in love with her.

*Could we have more of the arranged marriage ficlet? Pretty please? *Oh goodness is it too late to ask for a wedding night continuation? Are these prompts still a thing?? *DaveKat: First time ( could be continuation of other prompt or not) Karkat has mad bedroom skills and Dave tries to keep his cool. * Arranged Marriage Ficlet! Tomorrow! Deverginizing Dave

CG: BY THE WAY. CG: I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU HAVE NOT A) DRAGGED ME INTO SOME VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES OR VAMPIRES/HUNTERS WAR, AND B) FORGOTTEN I MIGHT CARE TO BE TOLD IF YOU WERE AT WAR WITH ANY ASSHOLES OUT HERE AND *IN DEATHLY DANGER.*

There's a part of Derek that he hates most of all - it's only caused him trouble. He pushes people away and finds a workaround and it's fine, until the day Stiles goes searching through his things.

Derek didn't mean to nod off during home room, but he'll be eternally grateful he did. And so will his family, if his warning can get to them in time.

Jonny reads. Jonny reads plenty. Jonny is college educated (sort of) and Sharpy can suck his dick, because he reads all the fucking time, okay. Except, see, he sort of doesn’t, and then Sharpy challenged him to a book club, and how do you even do that, book clubs aren’t supposed to have winners, but apparently the Blackhawks Book Club will, and PR is trying to make a thing out of it to encourage literacy and promote the library system in the city or something, so the whole team and a lot of the staff have to go find and read this book, and basically what all this means is that it’s a week before Christmas and Jonathan Toews is grumbling to himself and scowling at a shelf in the library like he wants it to be set on fire, because the shelf is missing the book he’s supposed to be reading for this stupid club that he is going to win. “Can I help you find something?” someone asks, and Jonny jumps.

One of Pepper’s favorite activities after a long day is putting on sci-fi movies and watching Tony dissect their bad science. He’ll happily spend two hours curled up against her and ranting about the flawed central plan in Armageddon and how REALLY, HE HOPES AN ASTEROID HEADS FOR EARTH, HE’LL SHOW HOLLYWOOD HOW TO REALISTICALLY AVOID AN EXTINCTION-LEVEL EVENT, DAMMIT. Pepper finds it oddly relaxing, like angry genius white noise. Add in Bruce, and she could sell tickets.

Pepper is BFFs with one of Neal Caffrey’s aliases because ~art luv~ and they meet and hijinks with Extremis and theft.

The wilds of Sound Country are the next best thing to the middle of nowhere. Travelers are few and far between. Unexpected meetings are thus narratively inevitable.

Sakura spends a year in Narnia. Susan watches, and does her best to help.

Look at me, Skye thought, but the creepy telepathic bio-engineering that had been going on in the basement of tonight's party clearly hadn't rubbed off on her.

podfic of a tumblr fic by idyll

It's hard being a graduate student, trying to write a thesis, create a revolutionary computer program, or prove the existence of dragons while living in a shitty apartment with your two girlfriends. It's hard, but at least your girlfriends understand.

Now I’m imagining Steve offering to sleep with Tony so Iron Man doesn’t have to do it anymore.

Oshie really wants Kaner to measure Jonny's dick.

In a near canon world where orientation refers to dominance or submission, not sexuality, almost everyone has a soulmate that is supposed to complement their personality, biology, orientation and heart. Most people look forward to the day when the psionic bond sparks into existence, connecting them to their other halves. However, a trauma left Bob wanting anything but the bond he sees as a dangerous trap, and he takes matters in his own hands to chemically prevent his bond from effecting him. Patrick doesn't know what he did wrong but he knows that for some reason, his soulmate has rejected him and he has to learn to live with that. Between their pasts, their bands, and their hopes, neither of them expects end up where they do - so close with so much distance still between them.

An alternative future for Cordelia who has just returned from the higher dimensions. AtS/Leverage Crossover

"After multiple times of people trying to use him as a virgin sacrifice, Tim decides it's time to lose his V-card. Enter Kon-el."

The JLI (with Superman along for the ride) finds itself captured on a planet with a volcano that requires a sacrificial virgin.

It startles him to see a human shape on his altar tonight.

The camera zooms in on the face of a very beautiful woman who looks vaguely familiar. “Who’s the babe?” Stiles jokes, turning to look over at Derek. “My mom,” Derek replies with a glare. “Oh, shit, dude, I’m sor—” Stiles breaks off his apology as his eyes drift back towards the screen. Beside Mrs. Hale is another familiar face. One he hasn’t seen in a long time. His mother.

Though if Hiccup had to be completely honest, he wasn’t here for the lecture. Something something boring matrices; right, like that was going to pull him out of bed. Such riveting stuff. No, the only reason that Hiccup was here at this ungodly hour and willing to put up with the droning from the professor was for the guy he sat next to.

noviblue asked: 1. Bro/Signless (my rarepair

Jack would just like to take the time to remind everyone to hang onto their weapon of choice when accidentally going through the experimental snow globe, because otherwise you'll end up who knows where without a staff and only snowballs to help you. Or: Jack doesn't know where he is, he sure doesn't speak the language, and he just knows talking to those giant rabbits will go badly. The little one, however... That works out just fine. Series

Or- the story of how Jack got his heart's desire, Aster got his heart's desire, and the Guardians enacted a 'send elves through to the Warren to make sure everyone's wearing their metaphorical pants' policy for their sanity. Warnings for: Jack being a rambly bastard leading to Walls of Text. You have been warned.

Jack didn't forget anything. He lost everything. It set him down a different path than the one the Moon had intended. A darker, more violent one.

podfic of a tumblr fic by idyll

Zelgadis is learning to live with his body.

The youngest was the fairest of all, and her name was Beauty. Beauty only came out at night.