By everyone’s agreement (except his own), Wen Ning was the sect leader. Of course, practically speaking, Nie Mingjue actually ran everything; he was the one with the experience in it, after all, and he claimed he was no good at teaching, which was the other thing they generally did. Other than, you know, the whole...fierce corpse thing.

Jiang Yanli: Hi everyone! We have a new member of the Official Big Siblings Group! 😊 Jin Zixuan: Thank you for inviting me. Jin Zixuan: I didn't know you all had a group chat. Nie Mingjue: have you met our little siblings? of course we have a group chat Lan Xichen: I'm sure you will be an admirable addition to our ranks. 😊 Wen Qing: And we can only hope your little sibling(s?) don't create as much chaos as ours. Jin Zixuan: Well... or: the Big Siblings OT4

When Wangxian decide they can't even wait a day to get married Jiang Cheng is faced with attempting the impossible: planning a wedding in a matter of hours. - “Uh, um, hi, Jiang Cheng, we were just, um, we have to go, it’s really important—” And he actually tried to sneak past him, Lan Zhan’s wrist caught in his hand as he was willingly dragged along. “So you’re getting married, huh?” Jiang Cheng said, his voice poisonously sweet. Wei Ying flinched guiltily. “You’re on your way to the courthouse now? How nice. Hey, just quickly before you go Wei Ying, do you remember what I said I’d do to the next man to make a-jie cry?” “...you’d...you’d pull his—” “I’d pull his spine out through his dick, yes.”

Lan Zhan just has a really great rack. Her boobs are huge, and Wei Wuxian has wanted to get her mouth on them since pretty much the moment she first met her. This is not new information. What is new information is that Lan Zhan, of all people, has her nipples pierced. Wei Wuxian knows this now, because she saw them last week, and her brain has been running at about fifty percent capacity since, because how is she supposed to think about anything else?

Modern AU: Mingjue and Xichen are living in different cities, no longer entirely boyfriends as such, more in a best-friends-sort-of-dating-long-distance-in-an-open-relationship scenario. But in practice this largely involves having long distance phone sex most nights while both watching the same porn. Which, for several months now, has mostly meant watching a sunny little femmeboi called A Yao, who has dimples to die for, an Only Fans page, an endless supply of stockings and dildos, and the kind of flexibility that makes your eyes water. Mingjue and Xichen are maybe just a little obsessed with the idea of wrecking him. Lately, A Yao has started including his roommate "Xiao Tang" in his shoots - with his face pixelated, because Xiao Tang is shy, and is not entirely ready to be internet famous in this way. Mingjue and Xichen are both extremely enthusiastic about this turn of events. Which is going to be a little awkward in the immediate future...

Rule 63 Modern AU, feat. Chinese Literature professor Lan Zhan and her lingerie model girlfriend, Wei Ying. i. How Lan Zhan's big lesbian university crush convinced her to stop worrying and love her body. ii. How Wei Ying's girlfriend got her to stop worrying and come on home. iii. How Wei Ying and Lan Zhan's relationship is put to the test, and what happens after.

The one where NHS successfully thirst-traps his brother (and then gets to keep him). This started as a discord thread, then it moved to twitter, and it is now here on AO3. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me along every step of the way!

Song Lan follows Xiao Xingchen's lead on a new and mildly innovative way of dealing with the Xue Yang-shaped problem in their lives.

ok so i’m thinking about like. history teacher Lan Wangji. and his students the junior quartet (jin ling, ouyang zizhen, jingyi and sizhui) who are ADAMANT that Mr. Lan Does Not Fuck

Xiao Zhan has a side hustle he doesn’t want anyone to know about it. He’s building up a big stream following as a femboy, and his stream chat community is pushing to see someone touching him and giving him a good time. Wang Yibo is the only friend who knows—he helped him set up his stream—and the last person Xiao Zhan would consider asking to join him for the kinds of sex acts his stream wants to see. Yibo has a lot of opinions about that.

Wei Wuxian's messiness comes back to bite him in the ass, a thousand years later. *** "Why are vampire stories always I Want To Drink The Sexy Neck Milkshake and never two vampires texting about the passionate letter one wrote to the other in 1863 but never sent that the other just saw in the Smithsonian’s fall exhibition on Love Through the Ages and what the fuck, Claude, why didn’t you say anything" AU, but with immortal cultivators.

Nie Huaisang blinks his big dark eyes open and scoots closer, thighs bumping against the outside of Nie Mingjue's hips. "I don't feel anything yet," he says. "Can you give me some more?"

Huaisang pulls against the heavy, taut drape of the hanfu’s collar and the layers underneath, revealing barely a triangle of his pale clavicle and shoulder as he fans himself from the heat. It’s a tantalizing strip of skin, and before Mingjue can drag his eyes away, the glint of silver catches his gaze. Is that - ? Mingjue only gets a glimpse. Nestled between Huaisang’s skin and the gauzy white inner robe, there’s a strip of silver-black. A strap. A - a bra strap. It burns at the back of his mind for hours, like an ember in the dark, a glow he can see even with his eyes closed. What is Huaisang hiding, underneath all those layers?

Mingjue’s first thought is: generic. This is entirely Huaisang's fault, the product of listening to far too many rants about the failings of modern men’s fashion. Lan Xichen looks like he’s stepped out of a diagram labelled “Business Casual.” Mingjue’s second thought is: pretty.

It doesn’t come up often, and Wen Qing didn’t plan it this way, but she has slept with all of the Yunmeng siblings (separately) and she’s not even a little bit sorry about it, it was all good.

Saving people, hunting things: the family business. Modern AU: the Nies are hit by a demon's death curse, which is NOT fuck or die - it's fuck AND die, a kind of reverse cultivation curse that's usually directed against cultivation partners, destroying their golden cores little by little every time they fuck. NOT a clever curse to use against brothers! ...except that the curse comes with a chaser: its targets share blisteringly horny sex dreams every night, as a way of encouraging them to go ahead and give in to the whole fuck-and-die schtick. Awkward. So it makes sense to search for a cure to the curse, right? Especially since the cure might actually help stabilise Mingjue's golden core. Obviously they have no intention of actually boning once they've got rid of the whole fuck-and-die curse... (...for the life of me I can't remember who suggested a Fuck AND Die trope on Twitter many weeks ago - evidently it has been living rent free in the back of my head ever since, though, and so here we have some Niecest.)

Mingjue has been working too much, so Huaisang brings him lunch and a special surprise. Huaisang's motives aren't entirely altruistic...

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying go undercover at a fetish party.

The picture is of Wei Ying, that much is clear. It’s of a lot more of Wei Ying than Lan Zhan is used to seeing. He supposes that, technically, Wei Ying is dressed. It’s a bare technicality, since one of Wei Ying’s hands has rucked up his black tank top practically to his collarbone, showing a long expanse of abdomen and one nipple. Sweat beads on his sternum, catching the light like jewels. His other hand is--Lan Zhan feels his eyes widen, as though unable to look away from a train wreck--on his hip, one thumb tugging down the waistband of a pair of red briefs. Wei Ying is biting his lower lip and looking directly into the camera, sultry, his eyes dark and inviting. His erection is obvious, outlined against the red of the briefs and framed carefully with the hand on his hip. Lan Zhan’s brain goes wildly, screamingly blank. Or: Lan Zhan accidentally finds his best friend's OnlyFans account and has an ongoing emotional crisis.

In retrospect, Nie Mingjue should have figured out what was going on earlier. The first couple of times his gym shirts disappeared could easily be chalked up to mistakes - misplacing them in the locker room, slipping out of his gym bag in the parking lot, disappearing into the black hole of the laundry room. The third, and fourth, and fifth disappearances suggested a loss by intent more than accident. Mingjue bought more shirts. More shirts disappeared.

Nie Huaisang sends a video of his invention into the groupchat: “houston, we have a live one.” Mo Xuanyu replies within a split of a second: “omg, wig. can i make you a website to livestream?” or kinky twink gets buttplug hooked to twitter live data for science!

What's a little breaking and entering, between a person and their absolute object of affection? And who would take a gift horse in the mouth by walking away when the opportunity presents itself so beautifully, so perfectly, so temptingly, so- you get the idea. Or do you?

It's the first Bright Season of the sweep, and you've set out to make an offering at the temple of Pulse and Haze. Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you should have done some theological research before this endeavor.

“It’s Friday night,” Yanli says, a warm teasing note in her voice. “Shouldn’t you be doing something more fun than studying chemistry?” “What are you doing?” Wen Qing asks, stung. “You’re just hanging out in your dorm, right?” “Mm,” Yanli says, the warmth still in her voice. Wen Qing can almost imagine her stretching like a cat as she says it, one of those long dancer’s legs lifting high. It’s a hot night; maybe she’s wearing those tiny grey stretch shorts she wears when she comes right from dance class to the dining hall, barely peeking out under a long t-shirt. Wen Qing has thought about those shorts a lot.

Sui Zhou couldn't believe what he was seeing... Two of the most wanted criminals, who always seemed to be able to slip away, were having dinner on the other side of the restaurant. Sui Zhou had been tracking them for over a year, and the fact he hadn't caught either was a convenient black spot on a record that his boss was intent on tarnishing.

If he hadn't seen a vibrating butt plug on top of the stack of "absolutely mission critical clothes" Wang Zhi had left for him, Sui Zhou would have dismissed the faint buzzing as a phone vibrating, and Tang Fan's look of shock as a surprising bite of food. It's not. He is definitely wearing a vibrating butt plug and it definitely just turned on. Sui Zhou is not sure what to do with this information.

“It is fair.” Tang Fan says decisively, getting up, heading to the bedroom. “While I think about what kind of purchase that could make you act like this, you can think about whether it is worth keeping a secret.” or Sui Zhou goes on Tao/bao

Xiao Xingchen’s other hand comes to rest on Xue Yang’s shin above the one already rubbing circles into his skin. “Ah,” he says, low and pleased and pitched for Song Lan’s ears as well as Xue Yang’s. “He likes you, little fox.” The sharp thing in Xue Yang’s chest settles warily. He does not, for the moment, ask what would your boyfriend not liking me look like? or: sometimes a gremlin goes out to get laid and picks up more than he bargained for

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue hire Meng Yao to have a baby for them. They want to take things slow, but Meng Yao has other ideas.

Sui Zhou has known Tang Fan is gay since he met him, and he's known about drag nights at Huanyi for almost as long. It has never been a problem for him. Seeing it for himself shouldn't change that.

“It’s like my ad says,” Tang Fan says. “We can talk. Or you can talk, and I can listen, or I can talk to you. About anything. Or … I could talk dirty to you?” Tang Fan does have regulars who want sex stuff, but really, what he does only qualifies as phone sex maybe one call in twenty. Mostly, it’s just Tang Fan chatting with lonely people. But he can handle the sexy stuff, obviously, and if the Man with the Sexy Voice wants sexy, Tang Fan is very willing to — actually, he decides, a little unnerved by his own enthusiasm, better not to finish that thought. This is a business transaction, after all. This is the gig economy. “Not this time,” the Man with the Sexy Voice says, almost apologetic, like he’s forgotten that he’s paying Tang Fan for this. “Just — maybe if you could talk to me about something you find interesting?” In which Tang Fan develops some rather inconvenient feelings for a late-night caller to his phone sex line.

Jiang Cheng has no explanation for the way rope quiets the noise in his head, the endless imprecations his own internal voice hurls at him. He settles on his own couch, ties himself up, and reads.

When Song Lan comes back to the dorm room for the evening, he finds a present on his bed wrapped up just for him.

Lan Zhan is convinced to bring his boyfriend home to meet his family. What he doesn't know is that Wei Ying is a former disciple of the Jiang who was kicked out in disgrace. None of this would have happened if he and his brother hadn't been sent to boarding school after their mother's death

Qin Su is finally going to sleep with her new boyfriend the coming weekend. She likes to look immaculate when she has sex with someone for the first time. Perfume, nice lingerie and all that. Unfortunately the place she usually goes to for her bikini waxes is fully booked.

Meng Yao had spent years not thinking of Jin Zixuan as anything other than an obstacle in the way of his ultimate goal – his father’s recognition, himself as the heir and eventual master of Lanling Jin – and he bitterly resented Wen Ruohan for trashing all that effort. It was impossible to think that way with Jin Zixuan shivering in front of him, chained down to the floor of the palace within the Nightless City. And yet, it was equally impossible to act to save him - Or was it?

Huaisang drags Meng Yao to the kink club. Meng Yao is not having a good time, until he is suddenly having a very good time. Turns out holding hands and eating frozen yogurt can qualify as kink if you do it right.

The single faceless, anonymous photograph on the profile that catches his eye is shot in elegant black-and-white, and there’s something about the crispness of the focus and the markedly off-center composition that says art, for once, rather than mugshot. The caption below is equally sparse: “5’6. Demanding.” (Or: Meng Yao gets wrecked by that Good Lan Dick. Lan Xichen gets wrecked by Meng Yao's Whole Deal.)

Lan Zhan is glaring at him. That's probably fair. The last time they'd seen each other, Wei Ying had been digging through Lan Zhan's garbage. They'd made eye contact over the shredded bags, the week's trash scattered around him like stinky, oversized Lego. Lan Zhan's eyes had been wide with horror, and Wei Ying's had been equally wide with feigned innocence. He'd reached out slowly, maintaining the eye contact, and then flipped over the food waste bin full of onion peel and carrot skin as a distraction and slunk off into the night. Probably not his finest moment. - Modern AU dragon!LWJ meets fox!WWX.

“He’s so beautiful,” Lan Zhan says, tongue loosened by the weed. Besides, Mianmian’s room is his safe space. He can say what he likes here, so he does. “I want to know what his mouth tastes like. I want him to put his mouth on my—” “No, no, no, no,” Jin Zixuan says, making an X with his arms. “For the love of Christ, keep it PG-13, please.” — In which Lan Zhan gets high, slides into Wei Ying's DMs, and somehow ends up having the harmonica played to him at 2am in the morning.

soft, domestic friends-to-lovers modern/celebrity au ft. musician jiang cheng & artist nie huaisang

Defective suppressants and an unwanted heat—it’s Shen Yuan’s worst nightmare. The only solution? Hire a companion-alpha to help him through a tiring week of insatiable need. Sweet, anxious, and all too eager to please, Luo Binghe is not at all what he expects.

Sui Zhou just wants a drink to take the edge off after a shit day.

nyargles)

Wei Ying was sprawled on the floor in front of the oscillating fan when Lan Zhan got home from work.

Mingjue hadn't even realised Meng Yao still had her number when she texts to invite herself over at eleven o'clock at night.

"Really, Xie Lian, you don't even jerk it??" Shi Qingxuan insists. "I mean it's none of my business and you can tell me to fuck off, but holy shit, lady." Xie Lian laughs, feeling her cheeks color, and shrugs again. "I don't know, something about the mechanics of it just never made sense to me," she admits. "And anyway that's time I should be spending studying." -- It comes out that Xie Lian's never had an orgasm. She goes to Hua Cheng for help. • theyre lesbians

modern au Lotus Pier is a company that Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan started together when they got married

Proud Immortal Demon Way's fanfic selection is vast, terrible, and filled with things much worse written than the original work itself, and that's saying something. Shen Yuan was just enough of a masochist to willingly, after another stupid update where Luo Binghe has to papapa another sister for some ludicrous reason that doesn't even make any sense, decide to delve into that lurid cesspool of creative death and unbeta'd pornography far more explicit than anything Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had ever written. Which is how he finds himself in a fanfic called Proud Immortal Demon's Milky Way.

A day in the life of one happily married couple: in which Jiang Yanli dresses her husband in lingerie, ties him to the headboard, and pegs him until he comes (multiple times) and cries.