Sakura at work, because damn it, medic-nin should be scary to fight.

The Narutostuck world is a fusion wherein I have jammed Homestuck characters into the Naruto universe and am pretending they were always there. Basically the Land of Space (Uchuu no Kuni) lies to the west of the Land of Wind (Kaze no Kuni), separated by a great desert; its capitol is the village of Hidden Time (Kouingakure no Sato). For the past century or two, it has been ruled by the Condesce and engaged in an endless war of conquest on the continent across the western sea; recently, however, a rebellion led by the Sufferer succeeded in overthrowing her and establishing a new social order in which discrimination against humans and discrimination by blood caste are officially outlawed. Meanwhile, over in the Elemental Countries, the plot of Naruto has reached some sort of good-guys-win conclusion. Now the people on both sides of the desert are tentatively trying to establish some kind of normal diplomatic and trade relations... but the Condesce and her chief supporters were never caught, and are still seeking to restore their rule.

"...any of your parent’s friends have any kids of less than, say, six years of age?" "No, not that I know of." "Huh-huh.” A suspicion suddenly crystallized in Tsunade’s mind. Between her fingers, her punch glass started to crack.

Sansa knows, standing on the steps of the Great Sept, staring into Joffrey's triumphant eyes, the blood her father soaking the stones and all the Lannisters' beautiful promises ringing in her ears, that Starks have always been the best liars.

Naruto isn’t the only one in the village to earn the title “monster”. At the age of six, he meets a collared Orochimaru and makes a most unlikely ally.

Winona is called to fix the cock-up of the Yorktown's engines. She uses one of the science-bitches to help her do it.

"The Story of Steve 'Walking PR Nightmare' Rogers, and How For a Short While He Single-Handedly Destroyed the Emotional Health of Eva Laura Ortiz, His Now Ex-Publicist"

Missing scene for the Iron Man 3 movie climax. (I actually wrote this immediately after seeing the movie last year, then completely forgot about it, and just found it again this morning. So here, have some Pepper!)

"There's a tiny scrap of a woman leaning against the wall near her. Jo's been too focused on the lack of readings, senses dulled by the white noise of the crowd. She curses herself silently."

"Nicholas J. Fury vs. SHIELD bureaucracy."

"Mulan is the leader of C.R.O.W.N.'s best team, Team Disney. They are assigned to take down a criminal syndicate known as the Villains, but is everything as it seems? Written to celebrate the casting of Ming-Na (the voice actor in the Disney Mulan movie) in the S.H.I.E.L.D. television show."

"Sid learns how to skate on air."

Tumblr prompt: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY AS OUTER-SPACE 'LEVERAGE'

"Five lone wolves do not make a pack. Unless they do."

They send Azrael to fetch him because he will not listen to anyone else. “Brother,” Azrael says. “It is time to come home. Your vessel is ready to be claimed.” The being that calls himself Eliot Spencer turns to the Angel of Death and replies, “I’m busy; already got some plans. Come back later.” That is the first attempt, but nowhere near the last. [AU during season 5 of Supernatural]

“Father left many secrets behind when he died,” Sabriel says. “I only wish he had told me of you earlier, I would have liked to have a sister to share my battles with.”

"In which neither Peggy nor Susan like the cold."

"Jupiter doesn't feel ready for the bureaucratic nightmare of getting Titus to trial, or for the weirdness of being royalty in general. Fortunately, someone's written a guide exactly suited to her new needs."

One thing that Cass learns early on is that Hiro is a very good liar.

When Petunia Dursley refused to take Harry in she forfeited his birthright protection, so Dumbledore took the baby to the safest place he knew: Hogwarts. The applicable staff (mostly just… not Snape) took Harry in on a rotating schedule as he grew from baby to toddler to child. They traded extra credit for babysitting among the older students, and Harry grew up knowing a few dozen different laps that were safe and warm to nap in. This was a Harry who grew up among books, among old transient walls and learned professors. They gave Binns night duty sometimes, and let him talk young Harry to sleep. This was a Harry whose world changed, on principle, daily. The stairs moved. The walls became doors. You had to keep your eyes open–you had to pay attention. So he did. He grew up in a school. Knowledge was power, but knowledge was also joy. This was his sanctuary. There was magic in his world from birth.

The Wave Mission is a failure. Team Seven is captured. Sasuke is gone. Kakashi is next. Sakura has no choice but to be a hero.

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in? Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them). Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes—she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.

Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no husband and bear no children. I shall wear no gowns and no jewels. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life's blood to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. -The Sisterhood of the Night's Watch

Yang has always been warm.

Yamamoto Genryūsai Shigekuni is a wise and terrifying warrior, the titan who has ruled the Gotei 13 for over a thousand years. But, at heart, he’s an old man who likes his tea prepared a certain way and has a soft spot for talented youngsters. It started with Ukitake and Kyoraku, and his latest fledgling seems to be one Kurosaki Ichigo, substitute soul reaper. (Alternatively, a story in which Yamamoto is a crafty old man, Ichigo grows up to be utterly terrifying, and Aizen doesn’t stand a chance.)

aka Steve Accidentally Joins the NY Pride Parade. He had just meant to go to the grocer’s. They needed eggs.

The Leverage team gets called in to find and help someone caught between something he doesn't think he's earned and something no one deserves. A MCU Leverage AU that solely exists because Parker would GROK Bucky so fucking hard, y’all. This started as a joke about Magic Mike XXL, and is, in whole, the fault of Katemonster, They Who Transcend All Genders.

This is not a story about a cow

After the invasion, Natasha’s granddad shows up.

500 years have passed since Ichigo saved Rukia and upset Soul Society's status quo... Now five young men are set to rattle it once more.

According to the Bingo Book, Hatake Kakashi has two dæmons.

Prompt: Anonymous said: I wish you would write fic where Kakashi is not the only Hatake around

Because Tim Drake would be a superhero fanboy in any universe.

There must always be a Stark in Winterfell, or: Sansa goes home.

Somewhere far away, far from the home she once knew – the home she can no longer remember, or she can but she does not wish too – there is a girl who does not remember her name, nor anything of the life she came from. Until the night she dreams of wolves.

Val didn't save Jon Snow - that was his direwolf and the red woman - but she did steal him.

When Dorne became one of the Seven Kingdoms, they agreed to replace the Westeros Law of Inheritance with the Dornish Law, so that the same laws would be followed throughout the realm. Or, Five times there was no male primogeniture in Westeros, and this wasn't as helpful as you might expect.

The king is dead, but a cousin cannot inherit before a brother, or before a sister.

"You could always stay." "And what should I do at the Wall, Sam, style myself as the Night's Queen? Or Lady Commander of the Night's Watch?" "Well, we do let girls in nowadays."

The first time Jensen meets Max, he's cuffed to a chair with a dislocated jaw. Things don't improve significantly from this point onwards.

This is meta and pics of my first attempt to make Rick Bayless's mole as an homage to coinin's awesome family/food/awesome fic.

For this genius prompt: Matt, as Matt, saves the Avengers in a profoundly simple way when their tech and sight (via removal of light sources) is compromised. It's not complicated and absurdly simple yet everyone acts like he saved the world. The newspapers won't shut up about it but by at least they have more clientele. a.k.a. Matt and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news cycle.

It's the one holiday they actually mark with any kind of consistency

Yusuke isn't the only spirit detective in the world. Five AUs.

"So either you're not here or you're not living," she says. "I'm definitely here," he replies, and there's amusement in his voice.

solas: we must not corrupt the spirit with filthy human gender cole: *sees a cute girl* I’m becoming one of those solas: no stop– BUT IT IS TOO LATE SHE IS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR

Deadpool vs. Kylo Ren. The conclusion is foregone.

This apartment, these walls and corners, these floors and doorways, they’re Dirk’s refuge. His shell, his armor. This place is light and warmth in an endlessly empty dark sea, a piece of the past to cling to in the wreckage of the future. A gift from his brother, a birthday present, the present of having birthdays, of being a human in a place meant for humans. Dirk could go out on rocket board, on rap-bot, on rafts, following the gulls, living free out under the sky, sailing by the light of the stars, but always he’d return to his sanctuary, his roost, his home. This apartment is Dave’s cage, and he spent thirteen years crammed up against the bars by a man who did not love him.

Slytherins–- this is a group who laughs when Neville falls off a broom and breaks his wrist. And what if we had Harry there, who had always been the one laughed at, who had a nice thirst to prove himself, who had green trim on his robes instead of red? This Harry still stepped out in front of Malfoy’s best sneer and demanded Neville’s Rememberall back–- though he got a detention from it, not a Seekership. When kids in the Slytherin Common Room tossed jeers at the pudgy feet of Millicent Bulstrode, Harry rose up to do something about it. When Quirrell shouted “troll in the dungeons, thought you ought to know,” and Harry overheard that there was a girl in the bathroom crying, he still ran off to make sure she got out okay. Harry did not ask Millicent to come with him; this was not a boy who asked for things. When he had asked for things, Dudley had laughed, Petunia had scowled, and Vernon had said, “no,” or just kept reading the newspaper like he hadn’t heard anything at all. But when Harry went, Millicent bunched up her robes in her hands and followed.

My name is Ben. My world is fire and blood. Once, I was a Jedi. A warrior of the Light, fighting for a righteous cause. As the galaxy fell, each of us in our way was broken. It was hard to know who was more mad: me, or everyone else. Here they come again, worming their way into the black matter of my brain – the children, thousands upon thousands of them, bound up in silken braids. None of them my flesh, but each a part of my soul. I tell myself: they cannot touch me. They are long dead.