In which Derek has been invited to the Greater Pacific Northwest Alpha Symposium (that's not what it's called, Stiles, stop saying that), and showing up unattached would mean an arranged marriage. When the rest of the pack objects, he agrees to let Stiles come along to pose as his mate. Derek is reasonably sure that he's not going to make it out of this weekend alive.

Sometimes a bubble bath and a glass of wine are exactly the wrong way to wind down.

CG: … CG: WELL? TT: This is certainly something. CG: OH GOD. DON’T SUGARCOAT IT, ROSE, IT WON’T MAKE IT TASTE ANY BETTER GOING DOWN. TT: As my dear ectoslime brother would say: calm your tits, Karkat. TT: It’s very interesting in a way I’m having trouble putting into words.

Asuka I wrote you a thing. It’s a slight AU playing with the idea of the kids having minor holdovers of their game powers. Not enough to affect day-to-day life, but just enough. All ficlets take place before they’re pilots. For some of the iffier powers I made guesses about how they would translate, most notably Dirk’s. He is the ghost in the machine. 8|

Stiles has a preference for written porn. He also has a thing for Derek's voice. So when Derek finds his erotica collection, this is clearly either the best or the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

This was going to mess with his game

Athelstan's Christian devotions arouse the suspicions of Ragnar's neighbours and he is dragged before the Earl and accused of working evil magic. The villagers want to sacrifice him to Odin to ward off ill-luck, but Ragnar and Lagertha step in to save him by proposing that he is sacrificed instead to Freyr, the god of fertility and sexual pleasure. By fucking Athelstan until he screams and begs, Ragnar argues, he will prove that the Christian God has no power in their lands. Athelstan is surprisingly ok with this.

Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn't expect and aren't sure they approve of....

Tony isn't so much introducing Steve to twenty-first century sex as enabling him. Steve already knows what he wants.

TG: youre clear for take off captain TG: if you know what i mean TG: clear skies are you ready to soar into that sexy sunsets pinkish embrace TG: sort of an angry red in places

The thing is, Derek’s really, really hot. Like, insane levels of attraction. What with the leather and the cheekbones and the stubble and the ass — oh god, that ass — Stiles can’t really be blamed, at all for freaking bragging. Now if only his college friends actually believed Derek existed.

It's times like this Derek wishes he has facebook. This seems like the sort of shit that's supposed to be socially networked.

Stiles sighs as the sweep starts running. "I can't believe we almost lost the bestiary because you felt the need to visit skeevy porn sites without antivirus protection."

Derek risks a glance at Stiles only to find him practically fucking vibrating with glee at he ticks his gaze between Derek and Laura, like embarrassing family stories about Derek are the best thing that's ever freaking happened to him.

Funny. It was supposed to be funny. Seriously, Derek had lost a bet and Erica had been in charge of the stakes which had been awesome because Erica is the bomb at coming up with hilarious embarrassing shit and- This is all Erica's fault.

"Hold still," Stiles says, hand clamping down on the back of Derek's neck to keep him from turning and it's laughable, really – the thought that that would be enough to hold him. Except it is. Because Stiles' fingers are gripping the nape of Derek's neck, pressure sure and hard and Derek- Derek can't fucking breathe.

“Patrick wonders idly what Toews' daemon is; something like a python, maybe, or a bird of prey. It would just figure if it were a hawk, Patrick thinks in disgust; he's already starting to hate Toews a little so he tries to dial it back. Then he notices a big cat—some kind of, like, mountain lion—sitting well apart from the other daemons. It's watching the ice intently, and if Patrick had anyone to bet with, he knows where he'd put his money.”

SXIZ IS TALKING TO ME ABOUT WHAT IF DIRK/JAKE D/S WHERE JAKE TIES DIRK UP AND JUST TELLS HIM HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIM BECAUSE IT MAKES DIRK FLUSTERED AND THAT’S HOW HE DOMS HIM HE MAKES DIRK FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH FEELINGS I’M GOING TO FUCKING PASS OUT

or : In Which Dave Strider Is An Asexual Transsexual Off To Room With His Best Internet Friend John Egbert, Who Is Initially Unaware Of Dave’s Trans Status, While They Both Attend Western Washington University. Co-Starring Rose Lalonde As Dave’s Nosy And Also Identical And Cisexual Lesbian Twin Sister, And Karkat Vantas And Sollux Captor As Particularly Irritating Suite Mates. Featuring All The Trolls As Humans, Jade And Jake As John’s Gun Wielding Genius Cousins, And Dirk “Bro” Strider As The Hardest Character To Write. Also Includes Stupid Pranks, Second Hand Details, A Handful Of Sexuality Crisises, A Number Of Awkward Crushes Of Varying Levels Of Platonic, Flirting With Varying Levels Of Success, Instances Of Sloppy Makeouts, One Polyamorous Relationship, A Handful Of Lesbians, More Bullshit Than True Facts, And A Summary That Is Apparently Too Long.

"Dude," Stiles is saying. "It's only going to work if you look like you don't hate me." "I don't hate you," Derek grits out, and pulls Stiles uncomfortably close, until there is a knobbly elbow digging into his side.

It's one thing to know that Kaner and Tazer are weird about each other, and another thing to actually see it. (or: several people who unfortunately had to interact with them, and one time they got to be alone).

post 2x11 Stiles gets kidnapped by Gerard. He doesn't take it well. Derek saves him (because it's his turn this time).

The first rule of Troll Fight Club is : you don't talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Troll Fight Club is : you don't. Talk. About Fight Club. And you sure as hell don't let humans join.

What it says on the tin. Canon-AU for Season 3 (obvs the finale hasn't aired yet so no real confirmation that it's canon-compliant)

Stiles would say his relationship with Derek is about fifteen percent empty threats, thirty percent sass, ten percent avoiding violence together, and five percent eyebrows. If anyone asked, he would say the remaining forty percent is mutual orgasms. It’s a good thing no one ever asks.

You squirm your way between her thighs and suddenly her hand is braced against you, right below your belly button, like she's holding you at bay. "Dave," she says, and she's alarmingly likely to be serious when she uses your name, "let's do it the other way this time."

"No, but answer me this, do you want to invalidate this whole farce of a legal and religious joining of blah-di-fucking-blah? Because I have looked at your laws and if we don't consummate the union it's not valid!" -- Anonymous asked: Davekat. Arranged marriage! The first time they are alone together is on their wedding night.

TG : what do you think of my new outfit nitram TG : arent i a pretty fucking princess

“You have tits? When did that happen??” He facepalms; “Last molt,” he grumbles from behind his palms. “When you disappeared for a while? That’s what that was?” “Yes Dave, when trolls reach that special molting phase, they grow rumblespheres. Mammals.” He spits the last word as a curse and you’re pretty sure you’re offended.

You had thought he’d been so adamant about you coming over after school today to ask you out. And instead he gives you a fucking dick in a box and you tell him to take off his pants. Fucking great. Wow you suck.

In which John has his first real homocrush and does stupid shit in effort to alleviate it. (extra:topodfic applies to the first 2 fics in the series)

They’ve met numerous times before Tim finally meets Kon.

Tim and Kon get popped into Earth-16. Their visit is brief, but, has quite the impact.

For Wally's 21st birthday, they play spin the bottle.

It was kind of ironic that it had taken someone else loving Brian to turn 'not enough' into her 'happily ever after'.

The cop smirks at him, smug and self-satisfied, from mere inches away. "Told you I'd see you soon, Toretto."

"You weren't kidding when you said 'change of camouflage', were you? Damn, O'Conner." A fusion-verse between the Fast and the Furious series and the live-action Transformers movies.

Toretto eyed Hobbs up and down, a speculative light in his dark eyes. "Just how flexible are you?"

People had been backing down to Hobbs all his life; there was always a fascination for him in the ones who didn't.

The day the bus break hit the news, Eliot Spencer was in the middle of a job, taking down a dirty businessman up north of Boston.

Gundam Wing, if it happened in the Temeraire universe. Or, a story of dragons and their boys. Series of drabbles and one-shots; gundams as dragons.

Stiles' kid has a tendency to get into fights and possibly has bad taste in friends. Or enemies. Stiles isn't sure yet, but he's pretty sure the other kid's dad is too hot to be human.

When Steve and Tony wake up to find that they've been captured, they assume things can't get any worse. They're wrong.

Five times Stiles and Derek pretend to be boyfriends, and the one time they didn't have to pretend at all. (Or: in which Stiles' plan for senior year is completely ruined by a supernatural creature stalking him.)

It's the first time Gou has seen Samezuka's captain in a swimsuit. It's the first time Seijuurou's seen her in a swimsuit. It's clear both of them are ill-equipped to handle this situation. Shameless fluff, blushing, and muscle-appreciation. Written for a kink meme prompt: "So Seijuurou is the captain of the Samezuka team. Gou is the manager of the Iwatobi one. Both teams compete together. Cue the two of them seeing each other at a meet, both only wearing swimwear, and nearly going into cardiac arrest over each other."

Kink meme prompt: One day at a relay or at practice, something goes wrong and Rin gets injured or falls unconscious in the pool. Haru is the first one to dive in after him, even before his own teammates.

"Bri-an." And Brian was yanked out of his zone, out of the passing traffic, to focus on Calls-Himself-Logan-Yeah-Right. Logan was looking skuzzier than usual tonight - a few extra piercings, his shirt ragged and ripped, and he was twitching a little, looking for trouble, looking for some extra cash. And thinking Brian could provide both. Brian looked at the twitching and tried to assess it - had he had Sugar recently? Or was this something else, just some coke or something?

rom the 2011 kink meme. The prompt was: In Fast and Furious when Braga asks Dom and Brian if they know each other, what if instead of saying 'He used to date my sister' Dom decided not to make Brian's undercover assignment easy for him and mess with his head a little by saying 'We used to date' instead.

"Honey, if you looked at johns the way you look at that car, you'd have the boys lined up down the block."

Erica and Stiles are convinced that they're going to go down in history as the first-ever omegas at Beacon Hills High School to go unclaimed. But they also, deep down, have an alpha that they're hoping will come to them when they go into heat. Both of these ideas about instinctive mating are pretty much entirely wrong.