"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks." A surprise comedy knotting story. You have a lot to answer for, Twitter fandom.

His mom had told him not to fall in love with houses; so had his dad, made some crack about them being worse than women, son, while his mom fake-punched him in the arm and then added, "and like people, it's what's underneath that matters, Johnny." But this is the first house he's looked at that he's liked, though he doesn't know why: it's got narrow, pointy windows with stone pieces on the tops like eyebrows, and it sits between its larger, tidier, neighbours like a poor cousin. Johnny thinks it maybe just needs someone to love it; and then he thinks: fuck.

Her parents congratulated Toph on learning to read, but said that as much as they admired her newfound ability to write they'd rather she didn't bend "Toph Bei Fong was here" into all the decorative boulders.

“People who want to eat my grilled cheese for dinner should learn not to interrupt the delicate purchasing process with their unwelcome mockery,” Claude says. Danny and Claude move to Berlin. Nothing really changes, until everything does.

In a world where Derek lets Scott kill the Alpha and get the cure, he has to figure out how to rebuild his life, with help from Stiles.

"Yes, Kaner," Sharpy's saying as Jonny sits down next to them with a beer. "It would indeed be gay to measure your teammates' dicks to find out whose is biggest."

Derek is thrown into a violent heat in the wake of Lydia and Peter's actions at the end of Party Guessed. Debilitated by his own needs, Derek reaches out to Stiles, the only person he wants and can hope to trust.

By the fourth time Crosby has hung up on him, Alex has to admit that this has gone from funny to, frankly, a little hurtful.

It takes 140 characters or less and one absolute fucking moron to change Jon's entire life forever. He should have known all along it would be Kaner. It always is.

"You've got a hickey on the back of your neck!" A Neckz 'n Throats story.

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

A story about not!Russians, the Atlantis Hockey League, accidental offworld marriages (of course) and the intergalactic sex appeal of the mullet.

Frank accidentally says Gerard's name during sex - with Jamia.

Once upon a time, a woman fell in love with a man that she thought was actually a man. Turns out, fucker was a shape shifter, and not just any shape shifter, but a chaos monster. Fast forward a few hundred years, and one Stiles Stilinski is minding his own damned business, helping his pack defeat an (the? He doesn't know, he just knows they're assholes) alpha pack, when this witch starts laughing at him. And suddenly he has tentacles. In which Stiles discovers he's actually a baby chaos monster, sprouts tentacles, and then has to spend an indefinite amount of time with one rather surly alpha werewolf, learning how to control his form, defeat an alpha pack, and navigate the perils of loving someone who's kind of afraid to be loved. All while sporting tentacles that have a mind of their own. Easy, right?

It's not a glamorous job, but you can set your own hours, the pay rate is good now that you know what you're doing, and it leaves you with enough free time to enjoy your hobbies. You like to think you're doing pretty well for yourself.

They've been looking for a cure.

You never told a single motherfucker walking this planet what went down here. Wasn't the business of nobody but you, him and God. She wasn't your mother or your girlfriend or even your motherfucking friend. Maybe if you told her, though, maybe she'd leave. You know you'd walk away from it if you could.

"Fine. Assuming that no court on earth discovers that you are an interdimensional spy in deep disguise," Rose corrects herself, flopping down on the bed to lie next to you, "we are now legally married. In the State of Nevada. You are now my beautiful wife." You think about this for some time. After a while, you say, "We have to tell everybody."

She thought they were all working to escape this hellish game. He makes her wonder if she's been thinking wrong.

In hindsight, maybe introducing the local werewolf contingent to the wonderful world of online gaming hadn't exactly been Stiles' best idea.

A barbeque in Manitoba is one thing. Ending up in some freaky soulbond with Nugent-Hopkins is another.

Taylor Hall doesn't think a destroyed slice of chocolate cake, a broken bed and his line-mates wearing his clothes necessarily means anything. The rest of the team don't agree.

That’s when Jordan gets suspicious and figures out what Ryan’s doing. Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is aggressively wooing Taylor.

Eric Staal's a werewolf. Also he's into Cam.

Five+one people who assumed Cam and Eric were dating.

On the list of "Things Karkat Needs to Remember To Pack for Surviving This Fucking Game, In Order of Priority," hair styling utensils fell somewhere between "rubble that crushed my lusus" and "last sweep's decomposable trash, recently unburied from the back lawnring, along with all those bodies of the undead I had to kill." In other words, somebody needs to give that boy a brush.

"The biceps peeking out of the sleeves, stretching the material thin and tight, are a lot more impressive than Geno remembers. He would have remembered if Sid had arms like that."

Sydney Crosby had never thought that breaking the NHL’s gender barrier was going to be easy. She just hadn’t expected it to be so hard.

The first girl Sid ever falls in love with is named Rachel Forbes. When he first meets her, she’s four weeks old, pink, and squishy-looking. Objectively, she’s kind of ugly, but she’s so tiny when he sees her in the incubator at NICU, and he’s never seen a baby that small.

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

[He's gotten good at not touching people, and he knows that his methods are considered weird by the internet and most of the world, but they keep him sane and focused on hockey. It's not so bad on the ice, when hockey's the only thing, and there are inches of pads and cloth between skin and skin. Off ice, he developed a habit of shoving his hands as far into his pockets as they could go, until a PR agent told him in high school that it made him look sullen and untouchable. After that, he took to just barely sticking his fingers in his pockets, a more subtle "don't touch me" that doesn't make him slouch too badly. He's beginning to realize that that the action is possibly more awkward than just sticking his hands all the way into his pockets, but it's habit now, and hard to break.] Or, Sidney is telepathic, which explains 95% of his idiosyncrasies.

Eric’s always been pretty discreet about hooking up with people, Cam can’t remember ever actually seeing him leave with anyone on these team outings. Most of the time he seems perfectly content to hang out with the team, hang out with Cam, even though he could hook up with just about anyone easily enough. Very easily, Cam thinks, a little grimly, as Eric ducks his head a little and the lights catch in his hair.

Sidney Crosby has known a few things for most of his life: he knows that he loves hockey more than anything, he knows that 87 is his lucky number, and he knows that he’s gay.

By the fourth time Crosby has hung up on him, Alex has to admit that this has gone from funny to, frankly, a little hurtful.

“I’ve had that since I was eighteen,” Sidney moans. “My grandma gave it to me after the draft. It’s my good luck necklace.”

Brent doesn't understand why his linemate and roommate is being so weird about his Olympic fling with Johnny Weir.

Laura and Derek are together a lot; Stiles doesn’t think anyone at Beacon Hills High School hasn’t had a naughty thought about their relationship at least once.

It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.

Dave and Karkat have a little fight over who pushed the buttons that swapped their species, and it turns into extensive scientific experimentation of a different kind altogether.

on occasion of the strider-pyrope wedding

“We should have sober sex,” Patrick says, rolling his neck until it pops loudly. He really should be thinking about getting up off of the floor. “Why would we do that?” Jonny asks, twisting to look down at Patrick like he just suggested that they throw puppies into traffic.

When the Beacon Hills lacrosse team made a bet with the Beacon Hills cheerleading squad, Stiles should have recognized the smirks on the girls' faces and stopped the whole thing right there.

“Hey, Scott, so, I uh, there’s this amazingly hot guy and I’m uh, gonna spend the weekend with him but, you know, just to be careful, I’m sending you his picture, so if by some terrible chance my bloated corpse shows up sometime Monday, just, y’know pass this along to the authorities.” He pauses. “Uh. Kidding?” and then hangs up with a rush of air. “That is the worst voicemail in the history of voicemails,” Derek says.

So ‘Zhenya’ is a private name. It’s something Sid says to wake Geno up late at night when he’s half-asleep on the couch and needs to be cajoled to bed. It’s something Sid calls him first thing in the morning when Geno's made him breakfast instead of letting Sid eat his sad granola another day. It’s the name Sid whispers when he hugs Geno after a win and tells him he’s proud.

Sidney Crosby gets hit on the head and wakes up with extra memories.

Geno can't. Sidney won't.

P.K. finally gets Carey to come hang out over the summer.

Sidney groans, because this is ridiculous. “I think I’m having an allergic reaction,” he says.

Last week Sidney had said, "We're totally fucked," and started hyperventilating; Geno had made calming noises for the next hour. Then Sidney'd gone out and had to deliver semi-positive soundbites, since apparently he is now the face of the "we can still have a season, please don't give up on us, we are trying so fucking hard" contingent.

Sidney's drunk when he orders a Russian bride. He doesn't expect anyone to show up - and he definitely doesn't expect that person to be an awkward-looking guy who barely speaks English.