Stiles doesn't actually mean to become Beacon Hills High's go-to guy for free condoms and sex advice. It just happens.

"Today is Scott's first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified."

drunktuesdays: what am I going to NAME it? drlense: "Knot's Entertainment?" drlense: "Knot's Landing?" drlense: "Short attention span but a really stretched out Anus?" drlense: "My boyfriend does Knot pay attention?"

Stiles gets a proposal. Derek doesn't punctuate like normal people.

"Does it change you, being turned?" Patrick asks. "I mean, obviously the physical stuff, but does it change who you are?" Erica takes off her helmet, then leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "It depends on how much the physical stuff makes you who you are, I guess."

"Penis doodles are encouraged on all homework. Awful innuendos are allowed. Extra credit if you can get me to laugh at them. And don't hit on me unless you're legal, 'cause I got crazy shit for that last time." (or, what Patrick Kane would be like as a sex ed instructor)

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

"Yes, Kaner," Sharpy's saying as Jonny sits down next to them with a beer. "It would indeed be gay to measure your teammates' dicks to find out whose is biggest."

It takes 140 characters or less and one absolute fucking moron to change Jon's entire life forever. He should have known all along it would be Kaner. It always is.

Stiles hangs out with werewolves. Stiles dresses up as Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween. It's supposed to be ironic.

In which Derek has a sex emergency with unplanned results, Stiles could be the baby daddy on one of those horrible MTV pregnancy shows, Sheriff Stilinski takes in strays and life in Beacon Hills never has a dull moment, not even when things are calm.

This wasn't supposed to happen. In the lists of things Brent wasn't expecting, this is at least third on the list, after 'being able to talk to animals' and 'growing wings' (but before 'zombie apocalypse').

“He’s not my boyfriend, Stiles. He’s a man from a club. I couldn’t call him, if I wanted to.”

In Which Many Canon Events Are Told In Summary Form For Reasons of Already Ridiculous Length, Issues of Gender and Sexuality Are Discussed Quite Often, Tavros Does Not Want To Grow Up, And Everything Ends Happily, Featuring Several Instances of Vriska, One Explicit Moiraillegiance Scene and Implications Of Another Off-Screen, Numerous Chatlogs, One Memo, Troubling Language From Several Sources Including Karkat Vantas, Three Piles, A Scene of Nonconsensual Amputation, Many Conflicted Feelings, A Resolution of Questionable Red Feelings, and One Non-Explicit Educational Flashing Over Webcam.

Derek finally works up the courage to ask for something, and Stiles is more than willing to help. (Or the one where Derek and Stiles have been together for years and have a relationship based on mutual love, trust, and respect.)

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has joined memo CALLING ALL JACKASSES -- CG: THANK LITTLE JEGUS AND ALL HIS WIGGLER-EATING ELVES. WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING STATUS. CA: oh great and wwhich human evven is that again TT: Oh, please. We both know perfectly how well you remember me, Mr. Ampora. TT: My status is, if you will permit the bad joke, wet and horny. CG: MY GANDERBULBS JUST IMPLODED FROM GROSS BY PROXY. WHAT THE CROTCHBLISTERING *FUCK*, LALONDE? TT: As in, I have just emerged from what is either a recuperacoon or a fairly good mock-up, and there are protrusions attached to my skull that I am inclined to believe would be candy-corn-colored. CG: ... OH. YEAH, VERY AMUSING. I AM VERY AMUSED. HERE IS A PICTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF MY MIRTH. |:B

Building a pack, one messed-up set of dynamics at a time. Post S2, slow-build Sterek, Stiles-centric, multiple POV fics. Jossed by early s3 Jeff Davis reveals and extending into a future fic. Bamf!Sheriff, magic!Stiles, ambiguous!Peter, and all the drama Beacon Hills can provide. Warnings for shifting and poly relationships, meta and all the literary and film nerdery that being around Stiles would involve. Also, general warnings for any and all characters undergoing: gore/medical trauma, PTSD, grief, angst, angst, angst (did I mention angst), pining, identity issues, sexuality crises, violence of magical and non-magical sources, homework from Harris, college applications (the HORROR) and general WTF IS MY LIFE kinds of reflections. Sunnydale Beacon Hills is like that.

You feel the shift in the air behind you as someone else approaches, but you don't get up. You'll waste anyone who tries to fuck with you right now. "Hot damn," says a voice almost but not quite like Terezi's. "Double trouble, huh?" Your dancestor snickers, and you look up as dancestor Pyrope swaggers around into view.

She passes it down, from mother to child, from father to child, until it ends up in his hands. The story and the cloak just as they where the day they were made.

Kris is like an octopus when he is drunk; wiggly and floppy and with arms everywhere.

Frank was sitting on his lopsided piano bench in front of the counter, legs crossed up on the seat underneath him, red-painted toenails barely showing from under his thigh. He was in one of his oversized shirts, the wide boat-cut neckline barely keeping it on, and Gerard could see the strap of his bra (black, this time) running over his shoulder.

Frank bemoans the fact that the Way brothers are motherfucking cockteases. Gerard is VERY VERY SINCERE. Mikey shrugs. Often. Pete just needs a profound deep dicking. Frank can maybe help him out with that.

Gerard steps out in heels for Halloween. Everybody enjoys it. Some enjoy it more than others.

MCR/Adam high school au crossover fic where they go LARPing.

"The prompt was 'Transformation stuff - Laurence and Temeraire discover some sort of magic plot device artifact which allows them to change from human to dragon, or the other way around, or both. Sexytimes ensue, obviously.' Totally ran with that last bit." --novembersmith

Tony falls through the space between worlds. As a result, he can see daemons. It kind of freaks him out. (It's stranger and more beautiful than he could have ever imagined.)

Clint feeds Coulson. Domestic as hell.

"This feast is a most important holiday for Midgardians," Thor says. "It is the subject of many movies and songs! I wish to know more about it, so that I may better understand your culture, my friends!"

Bucky discovers Steve was hiding in the wardrobe.

Author's Summary: Patrick writes his name on Jonny's to-send Christmas cards. It leads to feelings.

Kaner's really excited about getting a room of his own on road trips now, but the first night alone isn't as much fun as he'd hoped.

Sherlock is peculiar, disgusting, and completely useless at being a decent dragon.

In which Scott notices Derek and Stiles, gets very confused, and tries to be a good friend.

this marks the...fifth attempt at acceding to puckling's kind request to tell her more about Sidney Crosby: Master BAKER (I double-checked, it was very clearly Sidney mastering the culinary arts, and nothing else). -missmollyetc

Sometimes normal people have interactions with the Avengers that are more than just running, screaming, or getting rescued. When that happens, SHIELD has paperwork. Phil Coulson is very familiar with that paperwork. SHIELD has very, very strange employment interviews that occasionally involve flying Roombas, and Phil Coulson is not a SHIELD recruiter

kalpurna: is it weird that I want an original character to call Stiles a cock tease and Stiles is like WHAT and Derek is like what. drunktuesdays: lol that's so specific! why? kalpurna: BECAUSE YOU MADE A TUMBLR POST THAT USED THAT PHRASE AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TEEN WOLF + PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO GET ON STILES'S DICK AND DEREK SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT???? MAYBE I JUST LIKE TO THINK ABOUT STILES TEASING COCKS????????????????

TFLN: My dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for Sunday brunch next week. You in?

All hail Stiles, the Fixer of Wolves.

“I called you a slave-driver!” Stiles cried hysterically. “I called you an ogre! I stole all the blue paperclips!” Derek raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s company property!” he shouted, waving his arms madly in distress. Derek ran a hand over his face. “It’s not theft if the vice president of the company gives you permission.” (Otherwise known as the Elevator AU)

Hear His Alibis: creepy never looked so cute - or, how Sheriff Stiles accidentally adopted a juvenile offender. (another) pyromaniac au. Multiplied By Seven:Derek isn't exactly like other people. Stiles doesn't say that because he's in love with him, or whatever. He's not like Scott, who thinks Allison hung the freaking moon, or was the first girl to ever let a guy under her bra. Derek isn't like other people. Sometimes he's not exactly sane. psychopaths in love - the story from Derek & Stiles's side. companion fic to 'hear his alibis

His mom had told him not to fall in love with houses; so had his dad, made some crack about them being worse than women, son, while his mom fake-punched him in the arm and then added, "and like people, it's what's underneath that matters, Johnny." But this is the first house he's looked at that he's liked, though he doesn't know why: it's got narrow, pointy windows with stone pieces on the tops like eyebrows, and it sits between its larger, tidier, neighbours like a poor cousin. Johnny thinks it maybe just needs someone to love it; and then he thinks: fuck.

Her parents congratulated Toph on learning to read, but said that as much as they admired her newfound ability to write they'd rather she didn't bend "Toph Bei Fong was here" into all the decorative boulders.

“People who want to eat my grilled cheese for dinner should learn not to interrupt the delicate purchasing process with their unwelcome mockery,” Claude says. Danny and Claude move to Berlin. Nothing really changes, until everything does.

In a world where Derek lets Scott kill the Alpha and get the cure, he has to figure out how to rebuild his life, with help from Stiles.

"Yes, Kaner," Sharpy's saying as Jonny sits down next to them with a beer. "It would indeed be gay to measure your teammates' dicks to find out whose is biggest."

"You've got a hickey on the back of your neck!" A Neckz 'n Throats story.

A story about not!Russians, the Atlantis Hockey League, accidental offworld marriages (of course) and the intergalactic sex appeal of the mullet.

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

Derek is thrown into a violent heat in the wake of Lydia and Peter's actions at the end of Party Guessed. Debilitated by his own needs, Derek reaches out to Stiles, the only person he wants and can hope to trust.

It takes 140 characters or less and one absolute fucking moron to change Jon's entire life forever. He should have known all along it would be Kaner. It always is.