"Bits, you live tweeting this?" Shitty asks.

Ever since the day he met Jack Zimmermann, Shitty has seen it as his solemn duty to aggressively love him. (He just didn't know how aggressive the love Jack needed would be.) Includes enthusiastically-consented-to sexy hitting and egregious overuse of the word "fuck." Unbetaed. I'm probably going to hell extra for this.

Bitty's maple-sugar baking experiment goes even better than he planned: a 'swawesome afternoon at the Haus. (Bitty thinks about letting go of Jack, but then he asks himself what Beyoncé would do. She would not, he decides, back down.)

Settling his grip just above the muted curve of Bitty's hips, Jack squeezes. "Better." Bitty coughs out a laugh. "Glad you're satisfied." "Almost satisfied," Jack says. "I still have my shirt and socks on." "Good," Bitty says, and he leans to press them together, forehead to forehead, chest to chest with only cotton worn thin between them. "I like you like this. It's cute."

“We don’t fight that much,” Dex says quietly. “You totally do,” Chowder says, “and sometimes you fight over me, which like. Guys. I know you’re doing it. I can hear you.” Nursey says, “let’s just turn on the game.”

Bitty uses emojis like a second language, one that Jack's slowly starting to become fluent in.

How DID their fearless captain save the Haus from the entire football team? Five possible scenarios in which Jack Zimmermann saves the day, sometimes even on purpose.

“BRO!” Bitty glances up from the kitchen - that’s a new voice - just in time to see Shitty fling himself across the room at a tall brunette girl. “Hils! Fucking shit, man, so great to see you! You didn’t say you were coming!” OR: The one in which Hilary Knight is Shitty's big sister.

Eric’s never had a postgame breakdown of sex before, but he’s not particularly surprised when, before they’ve even caught their breath, Jack says, “Tell me how I can do better.”

Bitty comes out to Johnson in the Haus kitchen after baking four pies in a row. Bitty bakes when he’s nervous, but he also bakes when he’s happy, when he’s tired, when he’s irritated, and when it’s Tuesday, so it’s hard to draw conclusions. Unless you peeked ahead to the last panel first to check for cliffhangers, but Johnson would never do that.

Bitty comes out to his dad, comes back from the summer, is afraid of being on the rink, and thinks that tabloids need to fucking stop. Jack comes back from summer break to a slightly different Bitty, new stupid feelings, and thinks that the tabloids need to fucking stop. Shitty is an understanding friend and will honest to God burn down every tabloid office in the United States (and Canada) if it meant that Bitty and Jack could have some fucking peace, ya feel? Chowder doesn't really get what's going on and isn't really sure if he wants to know (?) but he does know that the captain and his favorite pie maker have something that definitely needs fixing. Lardo knows exactly what's going on, hates the tabloids on principle, and believes that her hockey team deserves to be happy.

Based on Bitty's Twitter recounting of Shitty and Jack's conversation the morning after Winter Screw -- the first few lines of dialogue come directly from the Twitter. An idea of what might have gone on during and after that conversation (hint: sex).

Lardo needs a plus-one for her friend's wedding. Shitty looks pretty good in a suit. What else is a bro going to do?

"Sometimes," Shitty says, and pauses, like he's collecting his thoughts. "Sometimes, I feel like I barely know you, Bitty." Includes baking about feelings, actually TALKING about feelings, learning to understand feelings, and sex. Betaed by the wonderful mardia, without whom this story would be missing important parts.

The last thing Stiles expects when he walks into Lydia’s exclusive S&M club is to rescue a sub who’s obviously been mistreated for a long time. His name is Derek, and when he awkwardly reaches out, asking Stiles to be his Dom, the urge to shield Derek from more pain is too strong for Stiles to resist. But Derek is still recovering from his past and learning how to set boundaries, so they have to take things slow.

Shaundi's been looking for love her entire life and it's a painful sort of irony that a fucking sociopath has already found it.

After rescuing Shaundi from her ex-boyfriend, the teenaged Saints hide out in IHOP.

”So it is that ‘dead even’ means that two people or things aren’t just close in a competition. In fact, there is no way to separate them.” AKA, a competition in stamina. AKA AKA, shameless porn.

Rin asks Sousuke for a favour.

Makoto insists that it should hurt. Shouldn't it hurt? Companion piece to This Gentle Heart Will Mess You Up by Ad_Astra (permission granted).

It takes Stiles four days to notice something’s wrong. Well it’s not like jerking off three times a day is unusual behavior. The third day, he has his usual good morning session, comes straight home from Lacrosse and jerks off without even taking off his jeans because it’s laundry day tomorrow and it’s not like he’s got standards. And everyone jerks off last thing at night; it’s like a glass of warm milk for your dick. Stiles has been hit by a jerking off curse. He might not make it through May unscathed.

Obi-Wan is exhausted, drunk, and just about out of fucks to give.

Sidney grows up hearing about the types of soulbonds, and every time someone gets gushy about them Sid just rolls his eyes and goes back to whatever it was that he was doing. Does he want a bond? Yeah, of course, but - after hockey; only after hockey. Some of the guys are already bonded, and that’s awesome for them. Sid likes all of their bondmates, they’re all awesome. But for Sid, it’d just be something else to distract him from the game.

“So,” says a voice in his ear, “you must be some kind of, uh, pinball wizard, huh?” Alex jumps- being in solitary for three years has taken its toll on his reaction time. “Nah, I’ve only been playing for like two- wait, what?” Because Alex has traced the writing on his hip for five years now, the writing that in large, perfect loops, says exactly what this man has just said to him. It’s just perfect, isn’t it, that not two hours after he plays pinball for the first time he meets his fucking soulmate.

Steve discovers a secret simulation on the game server.

Professor X and Magneto have a few additional instructions for Logan, as long as, you know, he's going to be back in time. (I'm sorry, this is total crack.)

“I have an – interest – in Peter Maximoff,” Erik said, somewhat grudgingly, glaring. “A – familial – interest –” Everybody stared at him. “In that – mutantkind is one – large – family –” Erik said valiantly, if pathetically. “Oh, shit,” Alex said. “No way. No way.”

"I can be anyone you want," He'd said, a little too quickly, a little too flatly. "I can be anything you want-" It was, Hawkeye decided, the least enthusiastic proposition she had ever received.

'Zelena had said that if they did not obey her, if they betrayed her, she would kill their child. But there is no force in this or any other realm greater than love- And Mulan finds him first.' In which Mulan goes to extraordinary lengths to protect Aurora's child and falls in love along the way.

The further from the ice, from waking up sixty-seven years in the future he gets, the stronger the cold black burn of drowning in the Antarctic waters preys on his mind.

The further adventures of Sidney Crosby, Professional Troll, as told by Beau Bennett. A sequel of sorts to Drop it Low, but it also stands alone.

In which Sidney Crosby discovers twerking and decides it'd be a good idea to add it to the Penguins' workout routine, and Paulie knows exactly who to blame.

In a world where everyone is born bearing the mark of their soulmate, happiness should be guaranteed; nothing is ever so simple.

Tag for the Best Defense series - all the side fics

Natasha Romanova (Avengers) & Parker (Leverage) - "That is not happening."

So, er, I sorta was choking on the subtext of a scene in GO6. Asuka suggested writing a bit that went lemony and could be cut, so I could finish the actual scene without my muse making rude comments every other word.

"So. You're that one kid fightin' some one-guy-against-the-world war, with space tech and a megalomanic with way too many corrupt rich guys on their side, and slightly better space tech on your side." Heero looked up from the cot he was loosely chained to, giving a stony glare to his captor. The half-dressed, tattooed teenager, with enough hair to rival 02 and a notable lack of weapons hidden in his torn jeans, didn't look impressed. "And they walloped you with somethin' freaky that tore through some dimensions, which is why your better space tech is currently making like ugly modern lawn art in what's left of my courtyard."

Most people would've recognized Hiei's expression as the usual "walking on eggshells" look he got when facing Yukina. Yukina, however, could tell that the slightly wild look in his eyes was edging towards "leap into the rafters and escape through the roof".

The world had a strange layered look to it, a mirage of desert sands mixing with black storm clouds boiling over a sprawling metropolitan seaport. It also, and this was what had screamed at Sora's heart so that he'd nearly blown out the Gummi ship's rockets racing here, was starting to crack at the seams.

Kurama shrugged. Technically speaking, he'd had full functionality since he was ten, enough youki permeating the cells to allow him to use said youki as well as he had as a youko. And with Suzuki's potion boosting the process, he'd been able to shift to his half-human form several years early. Now, though, his youki had infiltrated right down to the DNA, and he should be able to shift to a full fox. Finally.

Yukina put her fork down and said, "I need a job."

The Scouting Legion receives word of a rogue titan in the battle of Trost. They didn't know what to expect - it certainly wasn't Jaeger.

A series of short oneshots, exploring all of the things that the Shinganshina trio shouldn't be.

All things considered, he was fortunate not to have been shot through the wall in the corridor and out of the building entirely. Kurama's sides shook with a few last paroxysms of humour. Oh, dear. That could have been more tactful.

Every soldier has his last battle. [EreRi if you squint]

Only Severus sees what's really going on here.

Tonight she keeps a close eye on him. His face is bright with an harsh kind of mania. "Go to sleep, Eren," she says, after a while. There are smears of sleepless black beneath his eyes. He shakes his head, a book in his hands.

In which Levi seems determined to spoil Eren rotten, whether he likes it or not. (For the record, Eren hadn't expected his confession to lead to this sort of thing at all).

Remus had the Dursleys whacked. Tactfully, of course, and well after Harry left the house.

The SNK characters' happy reincarnated life is rudely interrupted by kaiju marching out of the Pacific. They are 100% done with this crap.