After Bro takes off for an overseas job, Dave Strider finds himself with a condo, bills, and nary a way to pay for it all. He does what any normal college guy would do; puts up an roommate wanted ad on craigslist. He gets a little bit more than he bargained for... in a very good way.

Sollux has found a new favourite flavour.

The best thing about having a kismesis is that it means someone doesn't pity him.

Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School.

CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER? CA: oh my god really CG: YEAH. I MEAN, IF THAT WOULDN’T BE WEIRD. CA: fuckin hell i shoulda got gillpox prevvious if that wwas all itd take for you to accept my standin invvitation to come and hang

Problem: the drones induce pailing via chemical stimulus that boosts concupiscent instincts and dampens higher brain functions. Problem: pinning your matesprit to the nearest available surface is a concupiscent instinct, and using psionic power is a higher brain function. Problem: pinning your matesprit to the nearest available surface is a concupiscent instinct...and controlling your freakish physical strength is a higher brain function. Problem: being anywhere near Equius come pailing time is 100% likely to kill you. Solution: apply higher brain function ahead of time.

"You want a motherfucking guide, chica?" "No," you say, and it comes out flatter than you meant it to. "I'd have to want to go somewhere for that." He doesn't pester you to get moving, like an NPC should. Instead he kind of laughs, and you want to believe it's sympathetic. "Well, here, then," he says. He stands up—and up, and up, jeez, he's like seven feet tall at least—and holds out the cigarette to you. "How about a sister up and joins me for a smoke? Good for chilling out all them head bees."

Karkat's a big stupid romantic, and romance is a language: sloppier than anything Sollux has ever programmed, but it still has its own grammar and its own important commands. This scar-trading ritual thing means, believe that I'm sticking around.

Having an alien boyfriend is a little like an adventure and a little like a science experiment. Fortunately for you (and for your alien boyfriend), those are both things you really like.

"On your three," Captor's voice crackles in his ear as Dave finishes putting down the last bunch of combat drones to come after him. "Already on it," Dave says.

Kurt and Puck both have dreams of dominance and submission, but they never expected to run into each other at a Marketplace auction in New York City. Spoilers through season 4. Crossover with Laura Antoniou's Marketplace universe. Top!Kurt, Dom/sub, discipline. Written for the Puckurt Fic I Didn't Write Game.

"What do you need to rein this in?" you ask. Captor doesn't acknowledge the pun. He shrugs one bony shoulder, letting his head droop further.

When Eridan finally gets the better of him, it literally leaves Sollux breathless.

Derek's expecting the new guy. He's expecting another mostly-useless college kid who doesn't know one end of a horse from the other, and Derek doesn't have the time to babysit. What he's not expecting is Stiles Stilinski, who carries on conversations with the livestock and gets maybe a little too chummy with Isaac and is really kind of stupidly perfect in every way. And it's just distracting, that's all.

It takes 140 characters or less and one absolute fucking moron to change Jon's entire life forever. He should have known all along it would be Kaner. It always is.

"Yes, Kaner," Sharpy's saying as Jonny sits down next to them with a beer. "It would indeed be gay to measure your teammates' dicks to find out whose is biggest."

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

"Penis doodles are encouraged on all homework. Awful innuendos are allowed. Extra credit if you can get me to laugh at them. And don't hit on me unless you're legal, 'cause I got crazy shit for that last time." (or, what Patrick Kane would be like as a sex ed instructor)

"Does it change you, being turned?" Patrick asks. "I mean, obviously the physical stuff, but does it change who you are?" Erica takes off her helmet, then leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "It depends on how much the physical stuff makes you who you are, I guess."

Stiles gets a proposal. Derek doesn't punctuate like normal people.

drunktuesdays: what am I going to NAME it? drlense: "Knot's Entertainment?" drlense: "Knot's Landing?" drlense: "Short attention span but a really stretched out Anus?" drlense: "My boyfriend does Knot pay attention?"

"Today is Scott's first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified."

Stiles doesn't actually mean to become Beacon Hills High's go-to guy for free condoms and sex advice. It just happens.

Danny is bruised. Their werewolf drama has officially bruised Danny. This is the worst day ever.

With the Alpha Pack closing in, Stiles is thrust into the center of an unusual three-way alliance between Hunters, werewolves, and little old him. Injecting himself between all sides in a war far beyond his skill has far reaching consequences for Stiles, but it might be just what he needs to gain the courage to get what he wants.

Sheriff Stilinski has finally figured out the cause of the rift between them: his son's gay, and he's effectively cut that line of communication. Being the good father that he is, he tries to make sure Stiles knows that he can tell him anything, especially about Derek Hale. Their wires seem to have gotten crossed somewhere.

Derek and Stiles go hunting. Kind of.

Danny is not anybody’s gay yoda. He’d like to make that much clear.

Stiles gets a massage. And then some. Alternatively: in which Stiles' mouth gets him into trouble, again and again.

Derek doesn’t get why he likes it so much. It’s just not -- he hadn’t expected to need this. Not from Stiles. Not from anyone, ever. He doesn’t do this. Except he does, now. Because it’s for Stiles, and Derek -- fuck, he likes it too.

“People who want to eat my grilled cheese for dinner should learn not to interrupt the delicate purchasing process with their unwelcome mockery,” Claude says. Danny and Claude move to Berlin. Nothing really changes, until everything does.

When Canadian figure skater Jeff Skinner wrecked his knee, he never could have imagined that he'd end up helping pay his way through college as a live-in babysitter for Eric Staal's three-year-old son, Joey.

Kaner apparently starred in a porno at some point in his life. Jonny becomes very, very invested in watching it. Repeatedly.

Claude gets a new car. Cameron doesn't like it.

Brent's got the werewolf thing pretty well under control after 24 years, but one little concussion and some emotional turmoil centered around his best friend/defensive partner makes things harder than they've ever been before. (angsting, pining, hockey, werewolf, rinse repeat. Takes place during the 09-10 season.)

It’s like this dog has walked out of all of Stiles’ childhood dreams and into the real world just because Stiles wanted it hard enough. He is the most awesome dog ever, and Stiles and his new dog totally have a bond. A deep, unbreakable bond because this dog is his spirit animal, obviously. Now he just has to convince the dog of that.

Generally speaking, Kaner is the kind of girl you hear before you see coming. In some cases, literally. --- AKA the one where Jonny accidentally watches Kaner and Segs fucking over skype.

“We have received confirmation that there is a hostage situation in progress at a warehouse compound two hours out of Los Angeles, following a multiple-vehicle pileup on Highway 101 this morning...” The one in which Stiles has lived to (legal) adulthood and, along the way, become a bit of a badass himself.

Stiles is on his back on hard-packed dirt. He's cold and there are leaves stuck to his neck and there's a four inch gash in his side that he thinks he can feel his ribs through. There's so much blood around him he feels like he's floating on a pond and everything is so much dimmer above him than it was a minute ago, which is saying something because he's in the dark center of the forest in the middle of the night. And the worst of it is that he's alone, totally alone with the smell of his own blood drowning him and the soft side of him run through by a tree. As his eyes slip shut, the last thing he thinks is, "This is going to kill my dad."

Derek is in the cell for about ten minutes before the lone door opens and a new body is tossed in. The person hits the floor with a grunt, rolls, and stands as the door is clanging shut. “That’s really not the way to treat a guest!”

Sherlock stared at the imperfect circle on his left wrist in horror, then sat down on his bed with a bit of a thump. After over thirty years, his heartmark was finally showing activity. This was not good.

A series of days in a new life. Captain Steven Rogers gets a little help adapting to the 21st century from Darcy and Wolverine, and Tony wonders when exactly he turned into the mature person in the room.

In which Scott notices Derek and Stiles, gets very confused, and tries to be a good friend.

The pack asks Stiles to find a way to get Derek to chill out. This is the best he can come up with.

After the rave, Stiles can't go home, and Derek doesn't want him to.

All you need to know about this series is that the doc is titled "The Sex Buddy Fic". A series of 'made-them-do-its' which ended up telling a much bigger story.

Three times Derek caught Stiles jerking off in the Jeep on the Preserve.

Derek's a dressage rider with a reputation for frowning and making people cry. Stiles is an acrobatic stunt rider whose resume includes medieval-themed dinner shows and the actual circus. Derek's an Olympian, he doesn't need this shit.

"So," says Stiles, lips barely able to move against Derek's shoulder. "This is a thing, huh? I don't think we can deny that it's a thing. A conspiracy. All supernatural beings want us to be trapped in enclosed spaces."