This AU invaded my brain last night while I was trying to fall asleep, so here’s a bullet list of headcanons so I can get them out of my head/record them somewhere for potential later usefulness. Born out of me reading a thread on Twitter (that I of course can’t find anymore) about the punk group active in Chicago (I think? probably more than one city, but specifically where the author lived) in the ’90s that was organized specifically to keep fascists out of punk clubs. Just zero tolerance for bigotry at punk shows, threw them out of the club immediately, with violence as necessary.

Eight years after the death of the only person Lan Wangji has ever wanted, his dragon Bichen inexplicably rises for her first mating flight.

Pale skin, a beautiful face, and dark hair with a Lan headband were all unsurprising, but his ears were capped with blue frills the color of the wall hangings in the Teaching Hall, and below his navel he had a tail, blue and white and tapering to the size of Wei Wuxian’s waist where it dipped below the water. The cold and the shock were finally too much - Wei Wuxian fainted.

Lan Wangji leaned forward to lick the sweat off of Wei Wuxian’s neck. “I am fucking you,” he said as Wei Wuxian started to whine. He took his hand away, blinking his way back into the jingshi. Lan Wangji was laying there as unruffled as ever. “You really like the begging, huh?” Wei Wuxian said weakly. Lan Wangji’s smile was so warm, his eyes so soft. He said, “Wei Ying’s voice is pleasing to me.” --- Wei Wuxian can read Lan Wangji's mind. He's surprised by what he finds there.

He can’t get Jin Guangyao’s words out of his head. If he’d only believed in Wei Wuxian, if he’d only been willing to stand up for him, could it all have been avoided?

Lan Zhan has been in love with his best friend for nearly a decade and despite his attempts, has never managed to confess. Now that Wei Ying's lease is almost up, there's a chance he'll be moving in with him soon, and Lan Zhan isn't sure that's something he'll survive... The impending stress leads to a drink, which in turn leads to a desperate Reddit post that goes viral and attracts attention and advice from... well, none other than Wei Ying, resulting in a series of failed attempts at getting Wei Ying to realize just how Lan Zhan feels about him.

"Lan Zhan!” Wuxian exclaims as soon as the door to Lan Wangji's apartment opens. “Fake-date me!” The door slams shut in his face. or, The Best Laid Plans of Wei Wuxian

Wei Wuxian doesn’t let the Wen Remnants hand themselves over after Jin Zixuan’s death. Instead he makes one last sacrifice to ensure they survive. Months later, a Lan cultivator kneels at the edge of the Burial Mounds, ready to offer himself to the feared Yiling Patriarch. Or: Sacrifice is an old magic, but love is even older.

[this is NOT official this is a fanmade even if i'm very flattered if you think it's real]

Modaozushi audio drama Wei Wuxian's confession at GuanYin temple animated This is the First part of the episode.

When his brother had sent him the appointment confirmation, Lan Wangji had assumed it had been for Lan Xichen’s oft-praised and highly recommended acupuncturist. It is not, he soon found out—standing inside the lobby of a studio lit by soft, warm light and faced with a beautiful man in well-worn, rumpled clothing and with a lopsided bun on top of his head, wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket and wearing no shoes at all—an acupuncturist. “Cuddle therapy,” Lan Wangji says, his voice drawn carefully flat over the overwhelming panic welling up inside his belly. He had not thought his brother so cruel. This must be some sort of horrible mistake. ----- In which Wei Wuxian cuddles people for money, Lan Xichen takes matters into his own hands, and Lan Wangji is doomed.

Wei Ying wants to rob him, but it wouldn’t even be satisfying, since this guy is just—giving away money. With his nice fingers. Maybe Wei Ying will just bite his fingers, and that will give the same endorphin rush as robbing him. / a day told across five parts.

Four times Lan Zhan walks in on his roommate masturbating.

Wei Wuxian is the local malevolent demigod who keeps getting sent virgin sacrifices when he'd much rather be left alone. But then one day, the villagers offer him a virgin he just can't resist...

Every student of House Mandrake is assigned a study partner, a counterpart from House Valerian. Lan Wangji suspects, with some outrage, that he's been given the troublemaker.

“Well I have to entertain myself somehow while His Excellency is off tending to official cultivator business all day,” Wei Wuxian says with a pout. “Besides, crafting talismans to show your husband just how good he makes you feel isn’t against the sect rules. I checked." The twinkle in his eye is shameless, and Lan Wangji loves him for it. - In which Wei Wuxian makes a sensory-sharing talisman and Lan Wangji makes some self-discoveries.

Lan Wangji discovers a kink. Wei Wuxian narrowly avoids discovering Lan Wangji's kink.

“All you need to do is be a good boy. Can you do that for me?” With Lan Wangji’s eyes covered, Wei Wuxian cannot help but take note of the way it highlights his other features, such as the gentle slope of his nose, the sharp angle of his jawline, and his plush full lips, just waiting to be kissed. “Yes,” Lan Wangji replies, a beat quicker than usual. He tilts his head up in a silent request. “Wei Ying?” Wei Wuxian crawls up Lan Wangji’s body until he hovers above him, close but not enough to touch. Despite still being fully clothed, Wei Wuxian can feel Lan Wangji’s bare skin radiating heat. “What do good boys say when there’s something they want?” “...Please.”

Wang Lingjiao takes her time mentioning the Wen Supervisory Offices. Yu Ziyuan cuts off Wei Wuxian's sword hand in compliance with the Wens' demands, but Lotus Pier still falls. Its children manage as well as they can.

Dating Xiao Xingchen came with something called the Fuck-it List. or; Song Lan arranges a gangbang for his boyfriend.

The tentacle climbs up Lan Wangji's forearm and tugs him closer. This time it's his turn to shiver. The feeling is — like nothing he's experienced. Cool and slippery, strong but not the strength of muscles. Soft. He wants to feel it all over. (Wei Wuxian accidentally gets cursed, which results in an impromptu sex vacation. It goes great for everyone involved.)

It wasn't unusual for Lan Wangji to find Wei Ying asleep in unexpected places.

A month and a half into his duties, a letter arrives. Lan Zhan, it reads, I miss you already. Throw over your responsibilities and meet me at the western ridge at Qixi. Yours, Wei WuXian. -- Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi parted ways after Yunping — but not forever. [!!CQL verse!!]

What if: WWX doesn’t get there in time to intercept LWJ’s glass of wine?

After the dramatic bodega courtship saga, our favorite duo finally have a date scheduled. Naturally, the rest of the squad needs to weigh in on the first-date preparations. And during the date itself, the group chat discussion is hot and heavy! (Sequel to 'Bodega Love')

i kinda want an au where lan wangji decides to stay with wei wuxian after meeting a-yuan but also i know he's not there yet in his development and it would be a lot of work to write the political fallout this change could cause so many ideas, so little time

"This is not what they wanted, and it’s almost enough that they both know that. Yanli knows that it’s not fair, because she has come out with the better half of the bargain--she gets to stay at Lotus Pier with her brothers, her people, her home. Jin Guangyao has been married off, outside of his Clan, practically abandoned to the plain faced sister of a Sect Leader; the second choice after his older brother’s engagement to her fell through with devastating finality. But Jin Guangyao has been patient in all of their meetings, his manner pleasant, his smile gentle." -- Jin Guangshan gets Jin Guangyao out of JinLinTai almost as soon as he is recognized as his son, marrying him into the Jiang Clan. Jiang Yanli gets a husband, though it's not the one she expected. Jin Guangyao gets a family, though it's not the one he worked for. But maybe that's alright.

once more i am thinking abt wei ying introducing himself to lan zhan as a sub(stitute teacher) at a formal gathering, & lan zhan, surprised that this cute guy he kinda recognizes from the community center would just introduce himself as a sub(missive) like that at a public event!

“It’s impossible,” Wen Qing said, her voice flat and eyes icy. “Literally impossible. It would kill you both.” “But –” “If you don’t care about your own life, at least care about his,” she said, and Wei Wuxian fell silent; she’d hit him right where it hurt the most, and he turned and stormed away. Wen Qing waited, watching as Wen Ning ran after him, distressed by his distress, and when he was finally out of earshot, she said, “You may regret that, one day.” Behind her there was a rusty bark of laughter, if that horrible twisted sound, low and grating and rasping at the throat until it bled, could be called a laugh. “I won’t,” Jiang Cheng said. “Thank you for lying to him.”

It started with Jiang Cheng being a sticky child, refusing to leave his jie’s side even when she sat for her embroidery lessons; with him being noisy and troublesome and the teacher just shoving the needle and thread into his hands with a muttered comment about it being good for men to know how to repair their own clothing – as if a future sect leader would ever need to know something like that. His mother covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laughter when he presented her with the results of several weeks’ worth of effort: it was just barely recognizable as the world’s ugliest duck. “A symbol of loving devotion,” one of her maids said.

Once upon a time in Yiling, a rumor started about the Yiling Patriarch having started to collect a harem of beautiful young men from a variety of sects. (it was Nie Huaisang's fault) (to be fair, the porn didn't help)

Cloud Recesses, Gusu, age 15 “You don’t think they’re really going to make us wake up at mao hour?” Wei Wuxian whined. “Or sleep by the end of xu hour?” “They’re not going to make us do anything,” Jiang Cheng groaned. “It’s just that activities will be ongoing when they’re awake, so if you miss them all by sleeping until si hour, that’s your problem. It’s not like we made them do anything when they were visiting us at the Lotus Pier…” “What are you talking about?” Nie Huaisang wanted to know. “You all most certainly made poor Lan-xiong stay up past his bedtime when he was visiting the Lotus Pier – and the same for the rest of us, too!” Wei Wuxian, who had led most of the forcing-to-stay-up-late nonsense, coughed. “Yes, well…speaking of Lan Zhan, do you think he’ll be happy to see me?” “No,” both Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang chorused.

Wei Ying's fertile mind was always pleasing to him, even when he did not recognize all the fruits that grew there.

Lan Qiren had spent so long trying to save his nephews from his brother’s mistake – he would not now allow them to fall into their mother’s. (in which Lan Qiren notices that there's something wrong with Nie Mingjue...but no matter what it sounds like, he can't believe his nephew would poison his own lover)

nirejseki

Listen. A-Qing loved food as much as any other self-respecting person of the global era, but this? This was about more than food. This was about art. This was about humor and science and culture and—and okay, two of the hottest men she'd ever seen in her life. --- A Youtube cooking channel au of Wangxian lmao --- Bonus channel descriptions: suibian, 6.39M subscribers: [太辣？不认识!] not a pro chef >:3c Cloud Recesses, 9.74M subscribers: Cloud Recesses is a food and entertainment media company based in Suzhou City. Our aim is to share one of the eight famous Chinese culinary art forms, 苏菜 (Su cuisine), with the world. WangXian Week 2020: Day Three: Celebrity | Rebirth | Mementos

The image file is of LWJ's beautiful, elegant hands petting a bunny that's sleeping in the hollow of his crossed legs. At the bottom of the frame, just barely visible, is uh, visual proof that LWJ was not wearing anything under his sweatpants.

Lan Zhan’s expression had turned in on itself, more determined now. He leaned in and traced a line of carefully spaced kisses down Wei Ying’s collarbone, lingering over each one. Wei Ying would have been squirming, if he could feel it. Demanding more, faster, asking to be overwhelmed. He wondered if his heart was beating any faster. He felt as if a heartbeat was somehow shaking even his paper body. Imagination rather than a trace of the spell, he was fairly sure. There was nothing in the magic that should let a scrap of paper feel yearning. Or: Wei Ying and Lan Zhan do some experimenting. For SCIENCE.

sat down to write a lil vignette-sized cql fic but the fic is a fake excerpt from a made-up academic article about the work of a pretend poet who wants it

Wei Ying had been saying something. “I didn’t even like him! It’s just --” “His dick was so big, yes, you’ve said. Several times.” Lan Zhan’s voice was a little strained, probably because he was holding him up while they waited for the elevator in Wei Ying’s building.

When the Yiling River rages out of control, the townsfolk decide that a living human sacrifice is needed to appease the dragon that dwells in the river, and Lan Zhan bows to his fate.

Lan Xichen's boyfriend comes over all the time, but he doesn't stay long. (Or, Wei Wuxian is the only one anyone knows who is comfortable showing himself in a dispensary. This leads to an obvious misunderstanding with big stoner Lan Xichen's straight-edge brother.) (Or: Lan Zhan finds out the fun way that he likes to fuck stoned.)

Five people who (sort of) learn how Wei Ying became pregnant, and one person who doesn't. (Alternate title: How Lan Qiren lived on in ignorant bliss)

Jin Ling has had it up to here with the Jin Sect. Fuck these morons. He doesn't have to put up with this shit. Jiujiu is never going to marry, anyways. He's gonna need an heir for his respectable sect. Jin Ling volunteers. Wei Wuxian is in deep doodoo. 1. Quit Your Job as The Youngest Sect Leader in History. 2. Buy Lots of Donkeys in Revenge for Losing Your 'Trophy Husband' title. 3.Ban Gold Bathtubs Because You Can't Break Them. 4.Raise Dumbass Disciples and Make Up with Your Estranged Brother Through Shared Misery 5.Slightly Change an Entire Market by Making One Thoughtless Comment 6.Wake the Elders Because You Decided to Teach The Disciples a Curse in the Middle of the Night

wangxian modern au where wei wuxian and lan wangji meet again in the library, where they are spying on their respective children to make sure no one is mean to them and they bond over being overbearing guardians

When Lan Wangji ran away from the jingshi to look for himself, his back still raw, and on Yiling he found only a small child, feverish but still capable of a little bit of babbling, still able to tell the story of what had happened – when he found the traces of blood on the ground, Wei Wuxian’s from when his power had backlashed on him – when he saw the bodies in the blood pool, already rotting – For the first time in his life, Lan Wangji didn’t want to go home. (what if he had another option?)

Wen Qing: okay so like Wen Qing: were either of you going to warn me Wen Qing: that Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were Like That? Jin Zixuan: oh no Lan Wangji: I take it you had your first Family Dinner. Lan Wangji: I apologize for the lapse.

Lan Wangji is going to die. Lan Wangji is going to die, and it isn’t even a hyperbole; she is entirely ready to collapse in her seat like a marionette with its strings cut off. The vibrator inside her pulses, and Lan Wangji can barely stop herself from lurching forward and letting out a loud groan. She resists a glance at the row of seats behind her; she knows that Wei Ying is there, watching, and she isn’t entirely sure she isn’t going to come at the sight of Wei Ying’s lazy little smirk. Truly—the things Wei Ying has made her do—shameless. (or; Lan Wangji wears a vibrator to class at the behest of her fuckbuddy Wei Ying, and it ends up a lot hotter and more emotional for both of them.)

the power of dick saves the cultivation world SAY HELLO TO MY DUAL CULTIVATION AGENDA

Jiang Yanli: Hi everyone! We have a new member of the Official Big Siblings Group! 😊 Jin Zixuan: Thank you for inviting me. Jin Zixuan: I didn't know you all had a group chat. Nie Mingjue: have you met our little siblings? of course we have a group chat Lan Xichen: I'm sure you will be an admirable addition to our ranks. 😊 Wen Qing: And we can only hope your little sibling(s?) don't create as much chaos as ours. Jin Zixuan: Well... or: the Big Siblings OT4