Tony has a point system for the times he can get Steve to be less than perfect.

Look, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America's voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.

"I'm sure we'll make a lovely couple," Clint said, and forced a smile. "Honey."

His power's running low, the arc reactor flickering. Cold, rancid sewer water is rushing into the fissure at his torn up shoulder, filling up the gaps, rising along his neck in frigid fingers. He's been like this before.

When they first told Clint, he had no reaction other than a soft 'Oh,' and a quiet nod. My fix-fic for the movie. Obviously, large and detailed spoilers are contained.

Steve has an apology to make.

Short stories from the Toasterverse, because the author gets panicky writing long form stories built around plot and has to finish something in order to function. Phil has problems with these people. So does the Author.

Five times Beijing 2008 Olympics Gold Medalist Tony Stark thinks it's going to be no more difficult a job to get ready for London 2012, than what he has just achieved. That is, of course, before Coach Fury comes to visit, and offers him a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be a part of something much bigger than himself. Swimming AU.

Prompt: Based on this: http://cap-ironman.tumblr.com/post/11963945223/ironfries-because-ill-always-love-you Steve Rogers finds (in the mansion or in the tower) some old robot that Tony built when he was a child. The robot says things like: "I love you" and gives little hugs. And then angsty (or not) fluff ending. It can be slash or gen.

So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year. It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart. There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...

Coulson figures it out through standard procedure (rumor mill to threatening junior agents to that required weird conversation with one’s boss).

As good as you get: "The problem was, really, Kris Allen was a tease." If You Can't See Where It Keeps Its Brain: "The Sorting Hat has its own agenda." I Woke Up In Love This Morning: He was hazy, half-asleep and incredibly comfortable and still half-lost in the most amazing dream. Five Reasons Xander Harris Hates Pete Wentz: If the Bandom'verse and the Buffy'verse all occupied the same 'verse, this is exactly what would have happened. red, red, gold: "Her name is Tasha Stark, and you won’t break her."

Remus runs into Severus at a party.

"Clint somehow finds himself fascinated by Phil Coulson's sartorial choices. He refuses to admit that he's kind of maybe thinking about it a little too much."

"Is that a Slam Man?" Tony asks, walking a slow circle around it. "Didn't they stop making these in the 1990s?" Steve gives him a look that says he's asking the wrong person. "Right, you were. Busy. Being frozen. So why did you bring this horrifying piece of cheap crap into my shop?" Steve, who is clearly excited about his cheap crap, isn't fazed at all by Tony's criticism. "It's a boxing dummy, with lights!" he says. Tony can’t remember the last time Steve looked this excited about something. "And you can program it for your workout. It's almost a robot, right? And you build great robots." Steve gestures toward Dummy, who chirps at him and spins his end effectors, the flirt. Tony thinks Steve actually blushes. "So...can you build something like this? But better?"

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

PROMPT: I just really want to see a His Dark Materials inspired fic where Tony and only Tony can see people's daemons. So, every human has one, but are completely unaware of their existence. And Tony's always been able to see them. When he was a kid it was written off as having a lot of imaginary pets/friends, but he never grew out of seeing them. And maybe he wrote it off as being partially cracked for a while, but Tony's still a scientist at heart and he's figured out how all these not-quite real animals relate to the people they follow, and uses that information to his advantage. All the time. Mostly to pick out the quickest and easiest way to piss someone off enough that they leave him alone. So, maybe Tony's kind of a spazzy genius trope because he's paying more attention to the daemons than the people in his life. And that's been fine for ages because he doesn't have to deal with a lot of people up close and personal, but now that he's an Avenger, that's changing. I have no preferences for everyone's daemons, but I do imagine Nick Fury's to be the world's most intimidating Great Horned Owl. Also, Thor does not have a daemon, which freaks Tony out to the extreme.

Peggy and Bucky get to grips with certain thoughts Bucky's been entertaining with regards to Steve and Tony. Part of Olympics 'Verse.

Five times Beijing 2008 Olympics Gold Medalist Tony Stark thinks it's going to be no more difficult a job to get ready for London 2012, than what he has just achieved. That is, of course, before Coach Fury comes to visit, and offers him a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be a part of something much bigger than himself. Swimming AU.

After the fighting is over, then come the hot baths, ice packs, resurrection from the dead, political maneuvering, and happy endings (not like that, Tony).

Millionaire playboy Tony Stark needs horse riding lessons. His two instructors are more than willing to give him other lessons, too.

There’s a plan already forming in the back of Tony’s mind and he knows it’s teasing, but it’s not an opportunity he can willingly pass up. Sequel to Fuck Me Heels. Enjoy guys!

Tony finds the heels in the back of his closet, hidden away in a white, pristine box. And then he gets ideas.

Alright, look, confession - Tony has been masturbating to Captain America since he was thirteen.

There are clear signs that Bruce has finally started to trust the rest of the team. The team, however, aren't so keen on those signs.

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

Phil Coulson, kindergarten teacher at S. L. Shields Elementary School, a wealthy, upper-middle class suburb has just gotten his new class of students. Like every class he has, they have their ups and downs, and life is never dull. Phil does his best to give all his kids a good foundation, and help out those who need a little extra from him. And if things sometimes get a little crazy, well, he's used to that.

In which the Avengers Tower is rebuilt, Tony attempts matchmaking, Natasha is scary, and Pepper may have ulterior motives. Also, there is Asgardian mead, which might be a problem.

Tony struggles to deal with his synaesthesia most of his adult life. Can he ever find somebody who understands what he’s dealing with?

AU crossover. Tony Stark has known Charles Xavier since Tony was eight and Xavier was his Uncle Charles. Now that Tony’s all grown up, Charles vets his dates. Well, most of them. Except for the ones where Charles brings someone who should really be in jail, not a fancy restaurant.

PROMPT: I think part of the reason anyone under Loki's control, Clint especially, looked so exhausted is because they were not allowed to sleep. Natasha told Clint it would take time for him to level out but even a couple of months after he hasn't. He hasn't been able to sleep and the rest of the team is starting to notice.

The Avengers take initiative. Or, the story of how a group of remarkable people came together to drink cocktails, eat ice-cream and wait for Fury's call. Post-movie.

Prompt: Steve thinks that he should have died all those years ago, so he gets reckless: going off to fight the bad guys on his own without back-up. Eventually, Steve gets really injured due to his dare-devil antics and the team turns to Tony to reason with Steve. Subsequently, Tony gives Steve the best pep talk of his entire life, if by pep talk you mean blow job. And then, casually, as Tony leaves, he turns and goes, "Cut this 'I wanna die' bullshit. It's not a good look for you." AND STEVE DOES.

When Thor fell, everything trembled.

Phil Coulson has spent half his life working toward the Stanley Cup. The Malibu Avengers might finally be the team to take him there.

One of the earliest truths learned by the children of heroes is the simple, universally accepted fact that Thor tells the best stories.

When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right. That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways.

Steve Rogers is a good man and when he feels he owes an apology, not even exhaustion and double-vision is going to stop him from giving it.

He's been called a lot of names, but the one that stuck was Hawk.

Or, The Avengers Tower Stitch & Bitch Club

Phil takes three steps forward in 2012, trips, and tumbles to his hands and knees in 1969.

It was Captain America. Captain. Freaking. America.

Tony isn’t paying a whole lot of attention when Barton appears in his lab.

They were reunited a few days later in a hallway in SHIELD headquarters, outside an otherwise nondescript door that said Philip J. Coulson.

PROMPT: Loki had every intention of wreaking havoc upon Midgard the moment his suicide attempt had failed. Really. He'd planned on setting cities ablaze, smashing buildings, pillaging, all of that good stuff. Too bad he hadn't planned on the place being so FUN. Destroying City Hall? Maybe if he can squeeze it in between ikebana and his Thai cooking classes. Oh, he tries for the whole supervillain thing, but is it really his fault that he really likes going to yoga and hair products that don't require massive amounts of oils that leave him feeling greasy? Is it really his fault that manicures are so damn RELAXING and that those little Asian ladies in the salon are so charmingly adorable? Besides, his therapist says that all the rage is unhealthy. TL;DR Loki gets a therapist and finds Earth hobbies that he enjoys in between bothering his brother and his friends. SUPER BONUS: The Avengers get a petition pleading from the nail salon and his therapist and various instructors for them to please not kill him because he's a considerate customer and is actually a very nice young man.

What it says on the tin.

Phil shouldn’t let it get to him, except that it does.

Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn.